Hi all, it’s been 3 months yesterday since my husband died.
The occasional phonecall comes but life definitely goes on.
I play a lot of music to help with the grief but find I am playing the most miserable music which makes me cry. I then think of how hubby would say fix up put on something a bit more livelier. It makes me smile.
I have a stress ball he used to hold which makes me feel closer to him.
I wish this heart would stop hurting 
Hi Cazuk
I can’t listen to music at all. It upsets me too much. There always seems to be lyrics that are about lost over and it just gets me crying. I know a lot of people get comfort from music but it upsets me
Me too, the lyrics to most songs have taken on a different meaning.
Xx
I put on ain’t no stopping us now to lively it up…by Mcfadden and whitehead…and gets me dancing.
Agree…i look for them .
The one that i had playing as we entered the chapel was Sent from heaven by Rahsaan Patterson.
Hi Cazuk
3mths go by both incredibly quickly and so slowly. I’m at 94 days and cannot believe I have survived without my husband this long. It’s gone past in a blur for me. It still doesn’t seem real. Time has no real meaning now, the last 21yrs seem to have gone past in the blink of an eye and the future seems gapingly vast.
I go back to work next week on what will be day 100. Already dreading the triple figures milestone.
Love your grumpy stress ball. Keep squishing it. Xx
Thanks for commenting I guess we are made to survive these tragedies in our life. I know my hubby’s body had really had enough.
Fortunately for me I gave up work 2 years ago to look after him. The best thing I ever did.
Yes the knowledge he always held grumpy stressball makesme feel closer to him. Silly I know.
You’re right. We are made to survive these things. Whether we feel we are, or not.
How are you filling your time now? Caring for someone can be difficult and such hard work but also a great privilege. The marriage vows of ‘through sickness and in health, really come to the fore then. I hope you find some comfort in knowing and feeling you absolutely did right by your husband by caring for him the last 2yrs.
Wishing you good night Caz, you and grumpy stress ball will be n my thoughts xx
12 weeks…dosnt seem real. I cried so much when he first died , because it came out of the blue . And my kids and i watched as paramedics tried for 2 hours to help him. My youngest 21yr old came to the hospital with me and i prepared him for the inevitable.
Its like im still caught in that moment on our beautiful garden. Watching him having cpr
Im stuck in a time loop.
.
.
Everyone of us here has lost someone but the way our loved ones died can be so different.
The outcome is the same we miss them so much that words aren’t enough to console.
Sorry for your loss.
Hi @Ali1966, how absolutely traumatising for you. I’m so sorry you’re having to endure those images. That makes your loss even more harrowing. Perhaps someone on here knows where you could seek help to manage these flashbacks? PTSD is all too real. Wish I had done practical help to offer you 
. Please take care of yourself, you’ve been through a lot.
Sending you a virtual hug. Xx
I agree I find it hard to listen to music too, it always ends in tears, I used to always enjoy listening to music , not anymore xx
@Georgi I do still like music in fact can’t live without it either. I just play really sad tunes if i need a good cry.
@Woolly
I was like that initially…
Couldn’t listen to music for months…
Now I enjoy music & it makes me smile😊
I do feel guilty sometimes for being able to listen to music & my late husband can’t anymore…
But he wouldn’t want me to be maudlin.
He had a huge zest for life & we both loved our dance music….
We met in a nightclub in Preston…. He was a bar manager, dancing on the bar & I just danced in front of him…swapped landline numbers on a cigarette packet….(no mobiles back then…)
He moved in 3 weeks later💖
We would’ve celebrated our silver wedding this October.
I’m truly blessed to have loved him & had the love of such a wonderful human being.
My Stephen was a one off special person
Stephen & his mum…
Not long after this pic, he served in the Falklands age 17…. Got shot & broke his hip / leg….his best mate got killed…
I will always miss him….he was my best friend & the love of my life x
Thinking of everyone who is grieving right now
Sorry., my mistake. X
