3 months since I lost mum

It’s been almost 3 months exactly since I lost mum to her horrible illness, lung cancer, the days are very much still up and down, and I find myself quite low, I function I spend time doing fun stuff with my 2 little boys but nothing feels the same, their are times when I can be sitting watching a movie or a programme or perhaps even playing with my son and il get a horrible flashback of mum dying, or maybe mum struggling for breath when this happens I get soo distracted and their isn’t much I can do to stop this? I also read an excellent book on grief that I would recommend ( not an avid reader but this book gripped me) it’s called “It’s ok that it’s not ok” by Megan Devine, nothing helps with the actual loss of my mum but the author completely understood every emotion, shut myself off from some friends also who are very quick to suggest a grief councillor when they haven’t took the time out to sit and understand, just feeling bit low.

Hey I completely know exactly what you are going through. Mum also died from cancer they don’t know where her primary cancer was but it ended in her bones and lung. Today I have had flashback to her in that bloody hospital bed struggling to breath. It was the worst thing in my life i have ever witnessed. I held her hand as she took her last breaths. Sometimes I can shut those images out. Sometimes they ambush me and I can’t breathe. life will never be the same. My heart will be forever broken.

Im
So sorry for your loss.

Hi Trish85, I’m sorry for your loss. My Mum passed away five months ago today. If feels like only a few weeks ago. It still is very raw and I burst into tears frequently.
Yes, the flashbacks are terrible.
I’ve lost one friend due to grief. She was just plain rude.
I’ll look into the book. Take care. x

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I’ve just downloaded the book

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I suppose we are all in the same boat as the one person who would guide me through this horrific ordeal would have been mum, she would have comforted me like no other and the thing is idv listened to every word, some days I go through soo strong almost to keep her proud other days I can barely believe what happened or how awful things were and she isn’t here any more to discuss? Horrible feeling x

I wish I didn’t have to read it but sometimes it helps me understand my grief the author basically is trying to say that grief isn’t something that can be fixed it’s something to be carried.

U too daffy, I remember talking to u before u take lots of care too xxx

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Ah this is exactly how I feel! I spend so much time/effort doing things with my little one but it almost feels like I’m not even there, like my body yeah but my mind…is elsewhere
Yesterday I was getting my eyelashes tinted lol and I closed my eyes and I had this horrible image in my head of my mum dying, literally think of her at the most random times.
I’m not a massive reader but I’m going to look up the book you’ve suggested. I wish I could tell you it gets easier but it’s very almost a year since my mum died and I still feel exactly the same as what you’ve described :see_no_evil: lots of love to you xxx

Thanku Tasha :kissing_heart:, it hurts to think of the nice memories but they are soo much easier to think of than the flashbacks of the illness. Me too I’m not a massive reader either, but I’m strangely finding comfort in things I would never of imagined before, I thought il give it a go, 5 days later I was finished the book. I hope it can help u in any way even just to read someone understanding u, that’s how I read it x

The flashbacks are awful. It’s something I relive over and over. I try and shut them out. But sometimes. Images are too powerful. Lovely photo Trish. Your mum is beautiful.

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I agree flashbacks are awful but I think as time goes by we learn to control them better rather than get rid of them. Trish had it spot on the grief isn’t something to be fixed, it’s something to be carried forever, though the weight will lessen. I’ve said it before, I don’t want to get rid of the grief anyway which may not make sense to someone who hasn’t been through it.
I’ll soon be returning to the scene of where it all happened, the room in our holiday cottage, the bed. I’m not sure how I’ll feel when I stand there looking at it as it’ll be just like a flashback, except it’ll be reality but without my mum being present. Everything else will be the same. I have to face up to it again, like some sort of torture I have to go through.
Trish, 3 months for you , 6 months for me. Still fresh, still hard to believe. Sorry you are having to go through this.

Thanku soo much Jooles, 1 of my favourite pics of me and mum on holiday, hope ur taking care of yourself xxx

I really do hope returning to the cottage will not be to painful, our emotions come and sweep us up, sometimes when we least expect.

Hi trish,
Yes what a lovely photo. Your mum looks lovely. It’s so hard to see photos of how vibrant and healthy they were, and now just gone.
8 and a half months down the line and I simply can’t believe it.
Hope you are getting on ok
Cheryl x

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