3 weeks i lost my dad

I lost my dad to cancer 3 weeks ago , i miss him so much i go to the grave every day since he passed, me and my sisters and mum cared for him at home that was his wish , i dont know how to deal with it , im struggling

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Dear Weesusiewong,

I see that you posted for the first time yesterday, looking for support. You have come to the right place. Everyone on here knows the pain of losing someone they loved dearly and we are all trying to learn to live with our loss and support each other. Please feel free to ask me any questions.

It must have been really hard for you to lose your dad to cancer. It must have been such a comfort for him to have his loved ones around him until the end of his life here on earth. I lost my dad in 2017, and like you, my mum and my sisters looked after him at home. It was probably the hardest thing I have ever experienced, to see my big strong dad in the end being so weak he could hardly lift a spoon to his mouth. He and I had always been very close, maybe because I was his first child. Bonds between fathers and daughters can be very strong. I understand when you say how much you miss your dad.

Your loss is very recent and you are in the early stage of your grief journey. There are no easy answers on how to deal with loss. Everyone has to find their own way and you will find yours. If you are close to your mum and sisters, talking to each other about your dad and about your feelings could be a big help. It is also important to look after yourself, when it comes to eating and sleeping. Grief can take a lot of energy. If it helps you to visit his grave, than keep doing that. My parents are Dutch, and one of the first thing I will do if I go to Holland this year is to take flowers to the cemetery, and spend some time at his grave.

You can post on this site as often as you like. I hope you will find it helpful to read other people’s posts and replies. xx Jo

My dad was my best friend he was diagnosed with liver cancer then got secondary cancer in his neck , he was given 3 months he lasted 2 days short of 3 months 4 days before his 78 birthday , his wish was to die at home so my sisters and i stopped working to help mum we had daily/night rotas as it got tough , he had carers in and district nurses as well as us , worst thing we have had to deal with our dad who looked after us and now it was our turn , our dad died on the 16th may with my mum and his daughters with him and it effects me to this day the way he died , wasnt pleasant :cry:, i feel i will never be happy again , our dad was a character who we all adored ,

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The memories of those last moments can indeed be quite distressing. In films and tv programmes the way dying is shown is often far from the reality. Most people don’t just suddenly close their eyes. I am sorry that the way your dad died was not pleasant. Personally, what I found was that over time it became easier to put those moments out of my mind and replace them with memories of happier moments. I hope that you will find the same. Your dad sounds like a lovely man.

When we visited him in the funeral home he looked so peaceful cancer took every part of my dad but he looked cancer free and what he was like before cancer so it helped us knowing the pain had left him and he looked like our fun loving dad :heart:

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I lost my dad to liver cancer on 2 May 2022. I understand exactly how you feel. My dad was also my best friend and my son and daughter idolised him. It was also his wish to be cared for at home. When he was given his diagnosis on 24 March 2022 he didn’t want to know how much time he had - he got less than 6 weeks. Seeing my dad become unable to do anything for himself was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. My husband and I looked after his personal care and I had to feed him the little he was able to manage. It really was soul destroying to watch the strong man who was my father become so frail and helpless. I have two older brothers and an older sister who have not spoken to me since the week prior to my dad’s funeral. They are jealous of the relationship I had with my dad. I can’t forgive them for turning their backs on me at a time when I needed their support more than ever. I will never know or understand how they could behave in this way. Not only have I lost my dad but I’ve also lost my siblings too. On top of all of this my father-in-law passed away on 2 June 2022, exactly one month after my dad - we bury him on Thursday. I feel like nothing matters anymore, nothing is important.

Feel for you its bad enough losing your dad without tension with your siblings , i have 2 sisters and all supported each other and all done our part for dad , i visit dads grave every day it gives me comfort , i still cant talk about my dad dying it upsets me so much but hopefully in time it will get easier , im here if you need to vent