3 years and still struggling

@Maryse
Seconding what @Mike75 says, that it is completely up to you not friends, no matter how well meaning, to know when something feels right to try doing. I also tend to feel that others will just have to put up with my tears if I do try going somewhere and I wasn’t as ready as I thought. As many of us know, they can come out of the blue at any time from the most unlikely trigger.
I am ten months on from the sudden loss of my darling husband and still haven’t tried the theatre or booking anywhere to go away. I actually don’t care whether I go away but I know I have to to help my younger daughter to get used to it again. The last proper holiday we had was 2019 which was two weeks in Scotland. She didn’t cope with two weeks away from home (she has always found holidays stressful and as a child wanted to go home after two days.) We did have a two night break for Richard’s 60th in November 2021 and a 3 night one in March last year less than a month before he died.

Anyway, I’m rambling. Back to the point, if friends are true friends they will accept tears if you try something and can’t hold them in plus they will accept that you need to decide for yourself when you are ready to try things. Maybe explain that you have to feel ready and it’s not quite time yet.
Hugs xxx

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I’m so sorry for your loss. Please tell these ‘friends’ that you will start to socialise and go out again in YOUR own good time, not theirs! Only you know how you are feeling and what you can cope with, not them. As for not being strong. You are getting up each day, drinking and eating and posting on here. When you are grief stricken, THAT takes nearly all the strength you can muster and it is exhausting. Grief is exhausting. Dragging yourself through the days and nights is exhausting. You are stronger than you know, as are all of us on here. There’s no text book saying ‘you’re strong if you do this but weak if you don’t’. Grief is a very personal thing and we each have our individual demons to cope with. Please keep posting and reading on here. We are all here for you and each other. Jean xx.

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My first post for a long while. I lost June my wife and soul mate of 44 years 15 months ago at the beginning of December. We had no children so now I am alone in my late 60’s. June was a qualified Award winning Nurse of 34 years service working through chronic illness herself and later winning a cancer battle.

It was a Wednesday evening and June was on the phone to a friend sat at the table when she went quiet and her head dropped on her shoulder. I tried CPR under instruction and believe I got her back. June didn’t speak just grunted when I spoke. June stopped breathing again so I resumed CPR. Paramedics were on scene quickly but nothing could be done. It was an undetected Coronary Thrombosis leading to heart attack and heart failure.

I beat myself up daily telling myself June would not have let you go. June had successfully resuscitated someone who collapsed in a non hospital setting. I had some cpr training but never attempted it on a person.

I have been told by numerous Doctors including GP and a Consultant Transplant Surgeon that nothing could have been done and they could not have done more.
I’m still on meds from the GP. I referred myself for counselling weekly and have has this weekly for over 12 months. The shock and trauma brought back bad scenes I had witnessed at work but never hit me badly before. I did my own research online and found something from the NHS which stated only 1% of those given cpr outside of hospital will make it. Comments in this post reaffirm this for which I am very thankful.

I’m better than I was at the beginning of this journey none of us wanted ever to make and have made certain decisions about my future care when the need arises which must be complied with. My neighbours have been a lifesaver for me as I live in a rural community now which sadly did not work out as planned for us. I walked into my local Church after many years of not doing so. I was treated with care and compassion. I don’t know whether it helps but I always say Prayers for my Angel during my attendance. There are good people out there. Take care all.

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Thank you so much for sharing your story. I too tried to resuscitate my husband at home and despite my own and the paramedics efforts my darling John never regained consciousness. I always thought I could have some better and reading some of the stories here including your one I realised I did the best I could. To have his life in my hands was such a torment for such a long time but I think I have now come to terms which my actions. It’ll be two years next month since my loss and although I still have dark days some very dark I feel I’m moving gradually forward. I want to still hold onto my sadness that will never leave me and each day brings a new challenge but I feel now I’m moving in the right direction.

Much love
Georgina

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Ive just posted this under a new conversation. .
"Keep doing your best everyday
If no-one is proud of you, be proud of yourself "

G. X

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@Shiney999
My husband had a coronary embolus too and the Dr friend with him could not bring him round at all when he passed out and his heart stopped, neither could the paramedics when they arrived. I am lucky in that it wasn’t me trying to do it but that also comes with the sadness that I was not with him to tell him I love him. There are good and bad aspects to each situation and it is always best to think more about the positives I feel.

Please keep with us and see the amazing support on here.
Love to you
Karen. xxx

@Georgie15
You did amazingly to try and resuscitate and you could do no more than your best.
Hugs xxx

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I told someone at the weekend who i thought was a friend to go away and never come anywhere near again. She just turned around and said you should be over it now .i just broke down in tears and she called a stupid b@stard and just get the f@ck on with it .my daughter turned to her and said dads asked you to leave and dont come back ever .this is when you find out who your real friends are

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Oh @Martyn2, I’m so sorry. That must have been heartbreaking for you and your daughter. I’m angry on your behalf and can only imagine what she’d have got from me! This woman is a disgusting human being and you are better off without her! Is she married? It will probably happen to her one day. The name calling and swearing was obviously a defence mechanism because she knew she’d done wrong. From now on she’s of no consequence at all. Try not to let it upset you for a minute longer. Love and strength to you and your daughter. Jean x.

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Thank you jean.no she has never been married.it made it worse because sue passed away on the first of February this year due to pancreatic cancer. My daughter physically removed from the house because i was in tears .another reason she started because i refused to sort her car out for her as i was a mechanic but due to ill health and becoming a right below knee amputee since December 2019 i only do things i know that i can do .she is no longer welcome here or any of our charity events our bike club does twice a year

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She’s an utter disgrace Martin x

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@Martyn2 i can’t believe anyone would behave like that. I’m so sorry you had that to deal with. I can only assume she has never loved anyone and thank heavens your daughter was with you.
Sending hugs
Karen xxx

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