Heather - I think the tears and the void will always be there
I wished I knew more people in the same situation as I am
As you said they are always with us - I think as the time passes the pain becomes more profound and quiet!!
Which reagiin do you live?
Sadie x
Dear Gordon. How sweet was your post. I have to believe she hears you. We have to survive each day anyway we can. I want so much to talk with my husband again. I still remember a dream I had some 50 years ago. A favorite cousin of mine died suddenly at 36. I took his death very hard of course. One night I dreamt that we were allowed by the powers that be to meet at a park bench, and I was given a few minutes to bring him up to date on all that had happened since he died before he had to return to heaven. I yearn again that way to bring my hubby up to date. He would be so interested in all the news of the day he’s missed. Just another form of grieving I suppose.
Hi Barb11,
I am nuts, I talk to Elaine’s urn all the time. Tell her I’m off to the shops or the park just to keep her in the picture where I am going and what I am doing. I look for signs of approval or not when I have a choice to make. I feel that she is looking over/after me so she will know best. Doesn’t always work out and I’m sure she laughs when I screw up. Just like last week made too much soup with too many ingredients and had to fill three saucepans. LOL
That solved my lunches problem for a week plus what I had to freeze. i always watched her making soup but obviously didn’t pay enough attention.
Like you I would love a few more minutes with Elaine but in reality this will not happen until I am called, so in the meantime she will have to put up with my inane running commentaries and travel tour guide, whether it is to the shops or for a trip to our favourite garden center.
Stay safe, Gordon
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Gordon, I think you’re doing fine. You’re cooking, should I say overcooking, you’re out and about in the car and getting through the days ahead. Be proud of yourself. It ain’t easy being us!
Barbara 
Sadie. I will take a walk in the morning—-Light a memorial candle—- turn off the phone ——say some prayers and hope the day passes quickly.
Barbara
That sounds great Barb xx
Barb11,
No it ain’t easy being us and trying do do all the things Elaine would have wanted me to do is sometimes testing me to the limit. I should have paid more attention, but then I thought we would be together forever. Like politicians say hindsight is a wonderful thing, only problem is it comes after the event.
Stay safe, Gordon
Tell me more about your Elaine.
Barb11,
To describe Elaine I have to start with me. Not too tall, not good looking, not rich and sometimes not too clever. Devilish sense of humour (see my username - - Gordon backwards), incurable romantic and willing to die for Elaine all through our 50 years together.
Elaine was very good looking but would never accept that she was. Kind hearted, caring, loving, trustworthy, non gossiper, generous, thoughtful and her own gentle sense of humour, loved all children and animals, and did not say out loud a bad word about anyone.
We met on a blind date at 19:00 on 29th August 1970 and I fell head over heels in love with her at 19:02 same night. We got engaged on her 21st birthday in 1971 and married the following year 1972. Elaine lacked confidence and nothing I could do or say would make her believe in the talents she had or her own beauty. We rarely argued and were the go everywhere together couple. We held hands every time we were out regardless of where we were going. Just a couple still hand in hand in love after 50 years together.
We have a son and two lovely grandchildren, but stay on the other side of the country. She was the ying to my yang, always seeing good in everyone and everything. I am not so blessed and when it is wrong I voice my displeasure, now that Elaine is no longer by my side this is becoming something she would have wanted me to correct and be generous and forgiving.
She survived a heart attack in 2010, developed type 2 diabetes and non alcoholic liver disease, although she only drank tea. We isolated in throughout 2020 and she tested negative for Covid before going into hospital for more liver tests. In hospital she unknowingly caught Covid and 3 weeks later I had to call for an ambulance to get her help for breathing problems. 9 days later, on Christmas Day I was called to the hospital as she was slipping fast. I arrived at the ward and was told to take a sea. Two minutes later the nurse reappeared and told me Elaine had passed away peacefully. To say I was devastated does not begin to describe my desolation on this her favourite and special day.
I could go on but you get the idea, a lovely caring person taken by Covid far too soon.
Sorry I ramble at times and give too much detail, but nothing was ever too much for my Elaine.
Stay safe. Gordon
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First of all, you were blessed to have had such a love in your life for such a long time. Secondly, I was going to ask you what Nodrog stood for. Very clever!! I’m sorry Covid took both of our soulmates and, yes, the loneliness we feel is crushing. Without sounding too morose, my own satisfaction is being on in years now, so not too long to journey on alone at this point.
Anyway, I enjoy chatting and sharing with you on this site, and I’m glad we’re here for each other.
Hi Sadie
I remember you As one of the first I read on this forum. I’m so d sorry you find it difficult to get over your sadness. Please try to think of how your Jack would like you to be. His generous nature would not want you to be suffering. I dreamt of falling over a cliff in a car on a beautiful sunny day. I was sure I would die and I woke up from the dream saying to myself, this is not how it ends. I am ,70 married for 47 years when my husband died 4 years ago. I felt like you for a long time but I’m feeling more in control of my life now. I’ll never want another partner but I won’t go back to the dark days of my grief.
Thanks Sue for your post. It’s inspiring, and it gives me hope that these dark days might pass one day.
Thank you Suelei for your message!
I think I wrote my message at a very emotional time
I think in many ways I feel better but every so often a big dark cloud descend!
Sending you love
Sadie
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Hi Sadie, just read your story and I had tears in my eyes reading it. I was married for 45 years and I lost my wife last June. It seems like yesterday and like you it hurts and never seems to get any better. I have family round me that keeps me sain and a few good friends but it’s the loneliness that gets me when they all go home and I am alone I hate it and quite often I make two cups of tea then realise that she is not there and I feel like a fool. You will always love Jack like I will always love my Cath because they were a big part of our life’s.
Hope this helps Cheers Bob
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Hello Sadie,
I came across this page by chance and yours was the first comment I read and it spoke volumes to me. My husband was diagnosed with vascular dementia in 2017 and just 10 short evil,exhausting, frightening and devastating months later he passed away having spent his last month in a secure facility after being 'sectioned '. I would never have allowed him to have respite ‘care’ if I had realised they would do this. Although he had become aggressive it was because he was so frightened and now I feel so much guilt.
Your second paragraph could have been written by me.
Now, although I have lots I could and should be doing, I don’t want to do anything other than sit and occupy my mind with reading, anything just to stop me missing him.
I thought I was coping, even during the first Covid lockdown but since last winter I am not. There, I’ve admitted it to myself! I miss him ! So much its a physical hurt and piles of soggy tissues everywhere. I’m not really lonely but I’ve never, ever felt so alone. I can’t find any joy in anything because my joy in life was sharing with Fred.
I agree with you that when we have lost that person closest to us, the two halves that made us whole are shattered and I have definitely become a different person, not the me I was and will never be again.
Reading the comments here… how adept we all seem to be at wearing what I call my “Eleanor Rigby Face” to get through another day.
I too can’t wait to get back home when I’m out but then I’ll plan to go out just to have something planned. Life is so different now.
Big hugs to you all, Chris x
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Dear Chris - I send you love
Sadie xx
Me 7 months passed after losing my wife, my best friend for 32 years. She was just 50. We had many plans. Within a day everything vanished in thin air.
The loneliness is consuming me everyday. I too never imagine my wonderful family, envy of our friends and relatives, would end up like this. I’ve never thought about not growing old together with her. We should have send our daughter to study abroad, then travelled the world, settled in Taiwan and happy ever after. Now I don’t know how to navigate life.
I live in a small city so I don’t have a car. When I finish work I often take long walks to kill time. When I feel suffocated in our once lovely home I walk, usually for hours. But I would pass by many places we had lots of memory together; that is often gut wrenching. But I can do nothing else to ease my pain.
Life can be incredibly cruel. We haven’t done anything wrong why should we suffer like this?
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Lckystar
I hear and understand you
I don’t think I can say anything to help - the loneliness, the emptiness will remain. I think we just learn to navigate through grief, we become more skilled to find our coping techniques
This site is great help - you can say whatever you want and people will understand you
Sending you love
Sadie x
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Hi Barb
Had another" skenic" journey yesterday going to see my grandson playing for his basketball team and and then back across to visit with my wonderful understanding and mind settling sister in law. She really understands and is not averse to talking about Elaine and all the things she remembers. It was a long day and a lot of the time was spent driving so naturally I had lots of things to say to Elaine along the way.
I feel ok talking to you and opening up about Elaine but find it very difficult to but in to another topic with people I don’t know. Silly isn’t it that a 74 year old is still shy talking to people even in the same grieving life as I am.It has been a good few days since I posted anything, sometimes log on and just read people’s life stories and go away offline again. Don’t seem to be crying as much but the suddenly being along thing just hits me and I have to stop and sit down and think of what we did together that was making me sad. I’m running out of words that mean anything so I will just post this and sign off again as my neighbours have just invited me for dinner this evening. We probably play havoc with my eating habits as they always over fill my plate as they think I may be starving myself having lost 12 kilos (nearly 2 stones in old money). I started a self created eating plan to lose 15 kilos and I make sue that I have enough of everything to maintain good health. I needed to lose the weight as I was becoming a couch potato and decided that I had to eat properly and exercise more, which is now paying benefits. Bye for now, stay safe.
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Hi Gordon. It’s so nice to hear from you again. I’m so pleased to hear you enjoyed your road trip to see your grandson play. You can rest assured Elaine was with you the whole time. (I, too, don’t post much, unless I feel I have something helpful to say). Glad to hear you’re eating well—-perhaps too well!!
Yesterday, 10/23, marked one year my Lenny left me. I did okay, surprisingly. I started the day by turning off the phone, took a long walk and listened to his favorite music. I came home and lit a memorial candle. Reflected a lot on our life together and actually felt blessed and grateful to have had those 40 years together. I sometimes forget how many folks here on this site didn’t get that chance. To sum up, I had a peaceful day. In fact, I plan on marking each anniversary the same way. Just Lenny and me.
Stay in touch! I enjoy our chats.
Barbara❤️