Today is the 3rd anniversary of Jack’s death
For the past few weeks I have been thinking a lot, trying to remember and I have cried a lot too
I miss Jack even more as time goes on. I look at his pictures and as I look I imagine the way his skin felt, I hear his voice in my heart and I so wished that I could bring him back
It still puzzles me that I can still exist without him
Jack was kind, loyal, passionate, honourable! Jack and I were made to be together ! It never crossed my mind that we were not to grow old together
We were married 42 years - at times it felt a long time, other times time passed so quickly. I feel I have taken our love and our togetherness for granted
Jack died at home , we were all with him, even when all this was happening I couldn’t understand the enormity of the moment. There are so many things I don’t remember
I deeply regret that while he was in his last moments i didn’t tell him how much I loved him -
In the past 3 years so many things happened and they all happened without Jack seeing them.: there was a divorce from one of our kids, another split up from her partner, a second marriage will be happening, I moved houses, COVID happened, lockdown happened so much stuff ….
And probably the greatest change: I died when Jack died. I am a different person,
I think I would like as many people as possible to know what a great person Jack was , yes he did annoyed me at times, yes he had his grumpy moments but he was such a wonderful man. He enriched my life and so many other lives, he was kind, he was understanding, he was sexy and handsome and I loved him as I still love him
Hi Sadie. I’m coming up on one year next week. I agree with you that we miss all the wonderful things about him as well as the arguments and bad moods. We miss it all because it was real life. Now it’s an empty life. I would give anything I have for those moments again.
Hi Sad Sadie.
It is also 3 yrs since my Ron died and I too am a different person. I exist now but I no longer live. I find no excitement or joy in anything I do. I am an empty vessel. I have learned to exist without my husband and how to fill the time. I am so good at navigating my way around life. But I never feel contentment anymore, no matter what I do. Everything would have been.better if only Ron were here. I never thought I would ever be in this position. I never believed my husband would actually leave me and die. But it happened and it is like I am living in limbo. I paint a smile and I sometimes actually enjoy a moment or two but always know it would have been better if my husband was still here.
I miss him so much and I am so afraid of the future without him. I never thought my life could ever feel so empty.
Angiejo2
Yes, the Luke of excitement and joy within it is so sad, and I don’t think will come back
As you said, there good moments, there are good laughs but it is short lived and not very deep
Sadie x
Dear sad Sadie, what you have said is exactly how I feel also after losing my kind lovely husband Pete and coming up to 3 years. We were married 45 years and I never imagined that he would be taken from me. I put on my mask when I go out to the shops and visit friends but all the time I’m thinking I don’t feel real anymore… I make myself appear normal to the outside world but inside I feel so sad and just want to go back home. Just didn’t think that I would still feel like this after 3 years. I am sorry to hear your story but I totally understand where you’re coming from.
Love Jenny
Hi Jenny
I am glad I wrote my message, it validates what I feel when other people feel the same
You mention going out and feeling like going back home - I find hard to be home all the time - it depresses me, it makes me feel suffocated. Even though I like my house and feel safe and comfortable there I feel lonely there
Like you , Jack is with me nearly all the time -
Life is odd and strange
Hope you have a good day
Sadie x
Dear Sadie, Thank you for your reply… I think what I should have said is that I just want to get out of the unreal situation of being out in company. I do go straight home sometimes but also will drive for miles to take up some time. I often drive for miles and have a coffee somewhere. Then it backfires on me and I’m in a cafe where everyone seems to be in couples chatting to each other about nothing in particular. It is the talking to Pete about nothing that I miss and of course going any where without him. I do laugh at myself very often for the situations I get myself into. Pete wouldn’t know me now as I’ve change so much…
Love and light, Jenny xx
I can identify with driving around and taking the long way home. I faced one of my demons last month by going to the restaurant in the garden centre my wife and I frequented. Sitting at a 2 place setting alone surrounded by couples and other family groups was really unsettling. I was constantly avoiding looking at the empty seat opposite me as I knew Elaine was not there but frightened to have that confirmed by actually looking . Eventually looked across the table and the tears flowed, just like now when I am writing this note. Don’t think I have ever made a coffee last so long as I was rooted to the seat and scared to move for no reason. When I stood to leave I was expecting everyone looking at me as I was the only solo in the place. A long drive home going via what we used to call the scenic route rather than the more direct and faster way home. One home I ended up talking to the urn containing Elaine’s ashes and felt really comforted.
Stay safe, Gordon
Hi Gordon
Loneliness is one of the great feelings that affect us that have lost our partners
3 years on I find so hard, and I find weekends dreadful. I use my coping techniques: walks, gym, sauna but…. Eventually I know I have to face it
I moved houses almost 1 year ago, I live just across the road from my daughter - it is good but it also highlights how alone I am.
Tomorrow my daughter is having people for dinner, and my heart sinks because I will be home!! I hate this feeling of been lost, not belonging!!!
I hate the feeling of been alone and feeling vulnerable!! I hate the feeling of having my heart heavy and drained
I wish I had helpful words to say to you
Take care
Sadie
Just replying is helpful as it means someone has noticed me. My son wanted me to move house across country to be nearer him but I almost did until I realised that his family all have their own friends and I would be settling in a new house among strangers. I have a good set of neighbours and am mid point between other family so moving would distance me from them. Sad me, last night I saw my son chatting on Messenger again late into the night and its now 10 days since we have been in touch and I am hurting and feeling ignored. I was Elaine’s number one and she was my number one. Now I am a number four at best and it is so difficult to come to terms with this. I can identify with your loneliness and not belonging. At least we have our memories.
Be strong and stay safe, Gordon
I could have written the exact same words you just shared. We all here are really of the same mind where loss and pain are concerned. And it doesn’t seem to matter how much time has passed. You’re 3 years in and I’m 1 year next week. This is our life now.
Hi Gordon
I don’t regret my move - Jack and I had talked about coming this way which is not far from my old house - only half hour - so I drive there very often
What you said is right - we are not number 1 anymore. My children are supportive, my daughter that lives across the road also is but as you said they have their own lives
Loosing Jack has changed she many things in my life !! One of them is that I lost my status in the family - I was the alpha female - our children were always around - now I am in the periphery of my he decisions and of the happenings
Barb11 - as you say it is a new life
I hope you have good friends and family around you -
How are you going to acknowledge the anniversary of your husband’s death?
Love
Sadie x
Hi everyone on here almost 2.5 years for me it seems we all have a public face and another when alone most people think I’m getting over my wife’s passing but it seems worse now than the beginning miss her so much as do we all miss our partners if only we could have a few minutes with them again to tell them all the things we didn’t before they passed
Hi all,
My partner, was ill prior to her passing, we knew she wouldn’t be around for as long as she should if been. We talked about the future, I said I would be fine, humans learn to live, with whatever gets thrown at them. Well 18 months later, am I living, hardly, I am surviving, nothing more, at work, it’s okay, but at home it’s unbearable, I have bean to the local a few times, but it actually feels worse, sitting alone , in a bar, where I know no one. I have a son from a previous relationship but he has his own issues. My late partner,s daughter, phones, but it’s generally to ask for money, I see granddaughter, now and again. Friday night, I expect to hear from no one until work on Monday. The pain of loosing someone, is only matched , by going through that pain alone.
Take care , all on here.x
Love your Lenny’s sense of humour same as my Elaine except she did not like taking the motorway anytime. Always joking about taking the scenic route to mask her fear of motorway speeders and large trucks.
Me too!!! That’s why he took the “skenic” route most of the time because I developed a fear of speed and freeways in my old age. He was just being considerate. But you know what, we would have an opportunity to sightsee more and talk and interact more on the long ride home. I miss that so much
Hi Sadie
Oh how your words and feelings echo my own. I too have just reached 3 years without my beloved John. The old Heather died with him that morning, and a new person has had to evolve to survive. I still cry, and I’m always lonely and missing him. His death and the loss is with me every day. I go out and do things but my heart just isn’t in it because the one that made all the things I did special, is no longer here. I went on a long weekend to Eastbourne with a great friend who I met at a bereavement group, and was fine until we came to some blue railings at the end of the pier where 4 years earlier, John and I had sat, eating an ice cream, blissfully unaware of what the future was going to bring. I just sobbed and sobbed. Even at 3 years on, some days are good and others are very hard. X
Hi Barb11
Call me nuts, but I still keep up a running commentary with Elaine on the scenic journeys, highlighting all the spots we would laugh at when they had a special meaning. This is very special to me when driving home late at night when Elaine would nod off and I would quietly turn the radio on to keep me company. Now i leave the radio off and tell her where we are and what she missed during her naps. Silly I know but helping me to keep sane.
Stay safe when you are out.
Gordon
Barbara