3 years ago tomorrow afternoon at 5.05 just 3 days before our 48th Wedding Anniversary l lost my sweet, beloved husband Paul. We met at aged 17, saved for a deposit on a house and were married aged 19. We so loved each other and had 3 lovely sons and a beautiful daughter and 7 adored Grandchildren.
I miss my sweetheart with every breath l take and his sudden loss is still so raw.
Just when l think l can keep the smile on my face fixed, l have to make an excuse and turn away because it is so hard being here without him holding my hand. It’s those little things l miss so very much.
I think that we are all searching for answers, questioning ourselves and asking how we didn’t see signs but l realise l will never be truly happy without my darling Paul.
What l would like to say to others who have just lost a loved One is that everyone is different and just when you think you can cope, some little thing brings back that longing and rocks your world but you hide your feelings - not to upset family and others.
If l was to give one bit of advice l would say the days leading up to special days (Birthdays, Anniversaries, date of loss etc.,) are far worse than the actual days. When the day comes it is a relief that it has arrived, you remember them with such love and then the day is over. The past few days have been worse than last year but l knew how it would be.
I have changed so much and l accept that l will never get over losing my Paul but l know l have to try harder for my family. Paul’s only fear was that l wouldn’t cope and l try my hardest not to let him down. I Have to remember l was so lucky to have him for 50 years in all because he was the most amazing, wonderful man and ever and my love will live on for him forever. xx
Dear Chris
Thank you for your post. You describe the situation in which so many of us find ourselves very well.
My wife died suddenly in December 2024 and my life will never be the same. We were married for 48 years and it was a partnership made in heaven. We have no children, it was just the two of us and we did everything together. I’m a bit of a lost soul now.
I suppose really it’s inevitable that one of us would be left behind because one has to go first. I’m grateful that she wasn’t the one left, I’m happy to carry that burden for her. I’m grateful for the years we had together and wouldn’t have wanted to miss those just to avoid the pain now.
It’s early days for me and I find grief triggers at every turn, but I can often lift my mood for a while by counting my blessings. Certainly the 48 years I had with my wonderful wife are a blessing. I wish with all my heart that we could have had longer but that is how it is and I’m confident that she is waiting for me on the other side. In the mean time I have to find the strength to get on with my life.
Stay strong and take good care of yourself.
Dear RJay,
Thank you so much for your reply and my sincere condolences on the loss of your darling wife of 48 yrs. it is still so early since your loss and l can’t remember making much sense of anything during those early months but l do remember wishing it had been me who had left - the heartbreak was so horrendous. Paul was so fit and healthy and after a small health issue within 15;weeks we had lost him to Cancer.
It was no time to get used to losing your love and we had so much planned for retirement. The day is here and l just wish there was a telephone to heaven.
Take care of yourself RJay and hold on to those beautiful memories you made during your years together. True love lasts forever.
Dear Chris
Thank you for your lovely reply.
My thoughts are with you today on the anniversary of your loss.
It’s true that, at only 5 months into bereavement, I’m a beginner but the 3 years since your loss is a comparatively short time after 48 years of marriage.
How lucky are we to have found soulmates for 48 years! So many marriages end in divorce these days with so many dreams shattered. Even worse are the harrowing stories on this website of younger people losing their beloved partners after only a few short years, that is really unfair.
Yes, we are heartbroken and would have liked much longer, but we were blessed the day we met them.
Everything you have both said rings true for me. My husband passed away in may last year after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in the February. He was fit and healthy up until then and we had been together for 42 years, he was 61 when he died. It was the one year anniversary on Tuesday this week and Chris, you are right, the lead up to it was much worse than the day. I too am glad he was not left behind alone but I do still just want to be with him so would happily not wake up tomorrow if it meant we were together again. I have days when I chuckle at memories and days when those memories make me so sad. I feel cheated and resentful of others still with their partners then I feel awful for thinking like that. Grief scrambles your brain, turning the most rational person into a wreck. Sending love to you both xx
Dear Sandie5
Thank you for your kind words and love, I really do appreciate it. I was sorry to learn about your loss and the grief it has caused you. I was married to my soulmate for 48 years. We met a year before we were married but at the outset we knew we were made for each other.
I’m 73 now but being the last one standing after a long term partnership doesn’t get any easier with age.
I believe we are put on this earth for a purpose, so if I’ve been left behind then clearly I still have something to achieve.
It’s easy to feel resentful of others living what appears to be a normal life but often things aren’t what they seem.
The joy of this website is that you are part of a community that understands the devastation of bereavement. You are not alone.
Take good care of yourself.
Dear Rjay & Sandie5,
It is so kind of you to come back to me and I understand how you both feel. It doesn’t’t matter how long it has been since we we have lost our loved ones because we all feel grief and just as much as if it had just happened or years previously. Grief is the price we pay for love but most of us would agree the price is worth everything and more.
I am storey for both of your tragic losses and wish there was some way people like us could meet up for friendship and coffee in our areas.
It is so much easier when other understand what you are going through.
Today has hit me hard and the visit to the cemetery upset me as l felt l wanted him near.
I still awaken to think it is a dream but reality hits home and l try to get on with things.
I wish you happiness and joy - as your partners would wish you.
Paul will live on as long as l am alive and
D one day we’ll be reunited.
Just keep moving forward and try to live a good like for our partners who never got that opportunity
Again love and best wishes to you both and if l can ever help please feel free to contact me. We need each other to share help and advice so being there for each other is a wonderful thing.
Keep safe and look after yourselves. Oh how l missed my lovely husband today and l’ sure he missed me too. Sleep well all. xx.
Hello all of you
I just posted yesterday for the first time in a while under “Approaching 3 years!”
I would have put my post here if I’d seen this thread.
So, yes coming up to 3 years for me in August - the 24th. And our wedding anniversary the day after, on August 25th.
It just seems impossible that 3 years is approaching.
The last few weeks everything seems rawer than ever. I’m just so sad, most of the time I try to pretend it’s not true. I still don’t fully believe it.
But I think it’s the loneliness that is the worst. It’s just so intense , I miss my darling husband, Phil , with every breath and every bone of my body ALL the time.
I’m never free of it, but I don’t want to be. It’s okay to be sad, but it’s exhausting, utterly exhausting. I’m so tired all the time.
We married later in life, Phil had been married before and had children. It was my first marriage and we didn’t have children of our own. We were happy with just two. Didn’t need anyone else.
For the last 6/7 years Phil was poorly, sometimes very poorly. Chronic illnesses and multiple hospital admissions. I lost count of the number of times I was told he might not make it. But he always did. We did . Together. And now I’m all alone.
I waited a long time for my soulmate. Long after all my friends, and all my younger siblings. They all still have their special ones. I feel so cheated. It’s just not fair.
My parents are both still alive, and ofcourse I love them dearly, but how come it’s me, their daughter who is the widow. All alone again .
Sorry for long post. It’s just such a comfortable place to be able to share feelings.
3 years on … Fewer and fewer people in the real world care or understand. And hardly anyone asks how I am doing?
Thank you for reading.
Love, hugs and strength to you all
Dear Chris,
Your line 'Paul will live as long as I am alive ’ hit a real chord with me… That is exactly how I feel. I honestly believe that my whole purpose in life now is to keep my Phil alive.
I had this plaque made for him…
Dear Cathphil,
I am so sorry to read about the despair you are suffering over the loss of your soulmate. I’m a newcomer to this situation having lost my wife in December 2024, after 48 years of marriage, but I recognise your feelings of isolation and loneliness.
Looking back over this last week I had a brief conversation on Wednesday with the supermarket delivery driver and a conversation with a neighbour this afternoon. Not exactly a full social calendar! I do get telephone calls and emails, especially from my wonderful sister, but there is a huge gap in my life and that can only be filled by one person which, sadly, isn’t possible.
A while ago another member of this community was asking if anyone else found the lighter evenings stressful. She found seeing neighbours outside carrying on with their ‘normal’ lives made her feel even more isolated. This observation got me thinking that if the view from my window increased my sense of isolation why not change it.
If I’m to be lonely and isolated why not double down on it and perhaps move to a house with a view of the countryside or the sea. The view would be ever changing and I would at least look forward to drawing the curtains in the morning and maybe not close them until late at night. If there were no street lights then a view of the stars would be possible, just me and the universe! Would I have the courage to do it? I honestly don’t know, courage has been in short supply since I lost my partner but I do keep turning the idea over in my mind.
We need a plan for the future and the problem for both of us is that, at the moment, there is no future.
Do take care of yourself, everyone in this community knows exactly how you feel.
and then the day is over. The past few days have been worse than last year but l knew how it would be.
