Everyone tells you in time it will get easier! But it just seems to be getting harder, I have ptsd from finding my lee and also anxiety and depression which have all came since he died plus I don’t even think I have started to grieve as I still can’t accept he’s really gone! 36 years old and had just become a professional boxer I miss him every single minute of every single day I struggle to get thru the day to go to bed then get up and have to do it all again! People just expect you to have got over it by now an be back to normal!! until it happens to them they will never understand it’s just not that easy!!
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You are right I’ve just lost my partner 3 weeks ago an its hardest thing u can ever deal with the pain you feel is unbearable an I feel like i can’t cope the kids r trying to keep me going but I can’t eat can’t sleep either it hurts that bad never got chance to say goodbye ppl do expect you to get on with your life but you can’t an they will never understand that pain unless they go threw it themselves its definitely not easy not when you feel like giving up
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So sorry for your loss you right they don’t understand the pain we are going through unless they have had it happened to them I will never move one 45 yrs would not want to been 9 months and still so raw take care xxxx
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I totally know how you are felling & share your pain. I lost my husband aged 51 only 23 weeks ago today. I still haven’t returned to work, we actually worked in the same department in a hospital. People say ‘time will help’ well it hasn’t up to now & I don’t believe I will ever get over his loss. I miss him all the time, I could literally give up as my life ended when he took his last breath. I question why my husband when he was so kind & considerate. Xx
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I feel exactly the same within 5 minutes of me going to bed him saying ‘goodnite kid love you’ he had a cardiac arrest only for someone knocking at our door I ran down and found him it’s a complete shock to your whole entire being the pain is like nothing I’ve felt before all the what if’s my life now is just like torture literally a living nightmare I’m sorry for your loss xx
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I totally can relate I struggle to do simple daily tasks like cleaning the house because it just feels like wats the point literally the other half is you had gone people say there always with you that may be true but it’s heartbreaking when they should still be here with you in person
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I can’t cope 
I need him this is so hard
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Totally the same Hayley. Cleaning the house seems pointless as I don’t feel it’s a home anymore as Chris had such a big personality he filled our home with his infectious laugh. I talk to him, hoping that will help & I ask him to guide me. Like today the house alarm went off and the panel said ‘check battery’ I know he would have got it sorted, now it’s a stress for me. Every night in bed say ‘I love you’ and wish I’d hear him saying ‘I love you too.’ I’ve questioned what’s the point in me being here alone without him & convinced I must have done something so wrong for Chris to be taken from me, it’s like I’m not meant to be happy or loved.
I’m sorry for your loss too xx
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I know Caroline how you feel and it’s not fair, it’s actually rubbish. I’m still taking baby steps 23 weeks later & that’s all you can do too. It’s totally surreal as I keep thinking Chris should be here having a Friday night G&T after a week in work.
I’ve only just joined this group and did so as I felt so lost & alone. I guess we just have to support each other xx
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Anknow we all going threw the same an its so difficult
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Hi Judith
Same here feeling lost and alone tonight. I’ve been trying to get out every day and keep busy but been hard this week with the weather being so bad. Xx
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It literally is the worst after a while the support from other people disappears which is what I expected, they go back to their normal lives expecting you to do the same only yours will never be the same again. Grief really is the price you pay for love
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Reading all your messages and it seems we are in the same boat in lots ways not only have we lost our loved one our rock but friends and family also it is unbelievable how people drop you when you could do with the support another day to get through best we can take care all sending hugs xxxxx
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I’ve found the same, prior to Chris’s funeral everyone was calling, texting & coming to our house. Promises of ‘we’ll always be here for you, that’s what Chris would expect of us’ were very short lived. I know people have their own lives but my life is now empty, I hate weekends as I’m alone. Grief is endless & I struggle how I lost my rock who was always at my side. Sending hugs to you all xx
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I’m 33 years old and since lees been gone I spend every day alone my biggest critic is my mum who doesn’t believe I’ve got depression anxiety or ptsd, and just expects me to just get on with life my dad also died 4 months after. Lee but my mother has had a rebirth goes the gym goes out drinking with friends and has become very social (I’ve never been invited anywhere) but my life is the total opposite and all the people who would be there for be me because lee wud of done the same they’ve all disappeared it hurts so much when I think he’s really gone it’s totally broke me xx
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I think I have anxiety / depression since losing Chris. I no longer have a relationship with my mum as her first comment to me following Chris’s death was ‘my friend was worse as I lost your dad after 60 years.’ I didn’t think we measured grief as if we were playing Top Trumps. When I do have a conversation with my mum she never fails to say something nasty that hurts. 33 is so young to be widowed & so unfair, how can life be so cruel? I’m 55 and feel my life is over, no more holidays to look forward to and the so called friends appear to have forgotten about me, Chris was definitely Mr Popular, the heart & soul of our relationship.
I’ve recently had a tattoo on my arm, something I’d never thought of doing it says ‘Chris, forever in my heart, YNWA’ I continually look at it & think if only he was here to see it xx
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My mum is exactly the same she can’t help herself but try her best to say nasty things to make me feel worse than I already do m, even tho me and lee wernt married he used to tell my family he’d marry me Tommorow but we’d lose too much money 
But it was definatley on the list for the future so I don’t even know what I call myself my so called friends not one of them has even been in touch just to ask about when his funeral was as I think most of Liverpool knew lee, and that’s so strange I have just been looking at tattoos of a bear that’s what he used to get called so I’m going to get a tattoo of a bear I live right by liverpools ground xx
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He will definatley be with you and will love the tattoo xx
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Definitely get a tattoo, I look at mine & think Chris would love it & be saying ‘why did you wait for me to pass away to get one!’ I added YNWA to mine as Chris was a massive Reds fan and loved his trips to Anfield. I grew up in Anfield not far from the ground.
We got married at home 3 weeks before he passed away. I don’t know how he managed it as he was so ill but was determined to wear a suit & sit in our lounge as opposed to our bedroom. I do regret not marrying him years ago, he always wanted to get married & it was me who always wanted something else like new carpets. All that means nothing now I just wish I’d given Chris a wedding when he was well.
My friends are the same they have just got on with their lives & I’m left alone. I dread the thought of being alone for years and often think what is the point of being here.
We all have so much pain & it’s so clear how it’s the good ones who are taken, I just don’t understand why as they leave so much pain behind xx
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Hi Judith
How lovely you had your wedding and he made it downstairs for it.
My daughter got married on the 17th sept after it being postponed three times. My husband had a long battle with cancer and every time it got postponed he used to say that he would have to keep battling. He deteriorated badly in the couple of weeks before but with a lot of willpower on his part and help from family and friends we got him there. We had a lovely day but it’s as if he just managed to battle long enough to see his daughter married as he died 4 days later.
Don’t feel guilty about not having your wedding earlier. You spent your life together and that is all that matters.
It is awful that we experience the feeling of being forgot about as people get on with their lives.
I’m so pleased I found this group as we all understand what this awful grief is really like.
Xx
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