@Yorklan, thank you for that thought, I’m now fancying a Penguin, but I haven’t got one of those either 
.
Have you an action plan to improve your sleeping?
I’ve got some Penguins 
not really sure how I can change my sleep pattern, I’m 16 months into this nightmare journey x
I wish I had the full answer @Yorklan . One thing I have learnt is that when I’m awake, being calm and content is better than being continually churning thoughts which wind me up all the time. That’s especially true at 3.00am which seems to be the witching hour for many of us.
I’ve been doing some “proper” mindfulness practice, to sort myself out during the day. It’s certainly improved things during the day, but unexpectedly improved my sleep (I got 8hrs last night), and was content at 3am this morning as well. It was bound to be a success as I found a mindful therapist to guide me, and she is another Yorkshire lass. I’m not sure if she can make Yorkshire puddings😄
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I don’t even think about going to bed until I’m tired which is about 2am though I’m exhausted
The dog got me up at 4!
Glad I’m not the only one! 2 or 3am is normal nowadays! I just can’t break the cycle! I then sleep for 11 hours some days which I’m not bothered about as there’s not much to get up for!
I wish I could break the cycle! The worse of it is, when I get up, I’m dosing off in mid afternoon and I’m really worried…… I’m hoping Spring will make me get up earlier and go to bed earlier.
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I too hope that it gets better soon.
The nights are long and the tiredness is overwhelming
Yes…this… is crap huh?, sending hugs Calm app is helping me…i have a referral code if anyone wants 🩷🩷
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Thank you yes please
Hey! Here’s a limited time guest pass to try Calm, free for 30 days. Calm is great for helping me manage stress and improve my sleep. Calm - Redeem Guest Pass
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Thank you for this
You’re welcome 
Why is it i can fall asleep on the sofa but I’m wide awake the moment I’m in bed! I think for me the process of going to bed is disturbing. Sleep experts talk about sleep routine but personally there’s something about putting on pjs and cleaning my teeth that wakes me up, maybe it’s the subconscious fear i won’t sleep.
Saw a doc once about sleep and a lady described her bed as a bed of thorns because she went to bed worried about not sleep, i really got that so now i accept i either i will sleep or not so don’t stress about it. Sorry rambling!
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I get ready for bed then go downstairs to watch mindless Tv.
I then usually fall asleep on sofa and then when I wake up I go upstairs. Try that x
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I agree @Milliemobs . If we go to bed expecting not to sleep, that’s what we get. If we beat ourselves up trying, then we feel bruised and battered.
I’m trying to not have any expectations, just accepting things as they happen.
Last night came to bed early , and just went to sleep for a couple of hours, but woke up about midnight, really wide awake. Watched TV for a couple of hours, still wide awake. No problem, so I got up, had a cuppa and a peanut butter sandwich, still wide awake. Sat on a comfy chair, dog on my knees, read a good book for an hour. Felt a bit tired, removed dog, went to bed, straight to sleep for 4 hours.
A total of 6 hours in enough for an old codger
When I think back, I realise I’ve not had a bad night, I don’t need (nor want) to sleep through.
It is what it is, it’s ok.
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So much for my theory that if I don’t fall asleep until after 5am I will at least sleep
most of the morning- one way of filling the day I guess.
The sheep had other ideas and woke up just after 7.30am. The joys of rural living I guess.
Maybe I’ve just got my time zones wrong. Turn right outside I’m in Lancashire inside 5 minutes, turn left it’s West Yorkshire in 2 minutes.
All quite appropriate as I don’t know which way is res tat all, about anything hese days.
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Yep. 5 months in.
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I’m so sorry you’ve had to lose your mother too…it’s all so cruel isn’t it.
Jill always used to say she’d never wish it on anybody, no matter what, but why was it that those who least deserved to suffer usually got it worst. Hard not to agree with her.
Did you ever try the Bingley group or know anyone that has?
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Well it’s good to see this thread is still here and I’m a bit early @ 2am but just thought I’d pop in and offload to no one in particular and without expecting any replies.
It’s a while since I’ve posted anything but I always felt better when I did so hoping the same applies.
It’s 15 months today since my husband died ( age 56 ) and I don’t think I will ever feel
Any different.
I’ve been keeping very very busy with new things and new activities and am taking my 4 children away at the weekend to Guadeloupe for a weeks holiday ( sad reason for going there in relation to their dad but that’s another story )
Tomorrow I am going to meet our good friends who are back over from Australia for a visit. And I’m dreading it.
And here in lies my issue.
I hate seeing or spending time with anyone who has a connection to my husband. Since he died I have tried my hardest to keep the connections going with friends and family but I just can’t do it any more.
Every time I see any of them ( apart from my father in law) I just feel awful and when they’ve gone I feel worse from seeing them.
I struggle to tolerate their mundane moans and trivial issues. I get frustrated at their lack of insight into how what they say might upset me , and I wish to f*** that they would do something about their lives if they are unhappy.
But mostly I think they just remind me of what I have lost. Which is mostly everything.
Grumpy, intolerant and angry I hear you say. And probably quite rightly.
I do get out and am making new friends slowly. But I feel at the stage where I need to just make a complete break from all those past friends and move on. Problem is I have another year until my daughter leaves for uni so am stuck here for the moment.
stuck in limbo for another year - longing to get away from all this mess and yet not able to for the sake of my youngest daughter.
Life really is shit. Although my 4 kids are amazing and make me proud every day and I know that I have been luckier than most for the last 33+ years.
Maybe things will become less painful at some point. I do pray that they will for everyone on this site who is struggling.
Wishing you all some rest tonight. Xx
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Am so sorry you are lost. It’s only six months for me so I’m incredibly lost and I don’t go to bed before two or three am in the morning now because I don’t want to
I survive on about four hours sleep a night but I survive. I do try and get out in the day and do a lot of walking the dog, a shop every day for something to do and I know what you say when trying to avoid your husband’s friends I am doing the same it’s too hurtful. I do hope that you get some rest and start to feel better and stronger soon or sometime in the near future but it’s hard. Take care. Enjoy the holiday
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