In September 2018 I lost my uncle in a motorbike accident just aged 34. I was just starting my 3rd year of university. I found it hard to focus… Then in the December his brother my other uncle was found dead in a park! Suspected overdose… He was age 44! I found both of these deaths incredibly difficult to deal with… However I never knew my world was about to be ripped apart in the April of 2019… I was to experience pain I can not even begin to explain and one year on it feels so raw! A 3rd uncle who had previously had a brain injury was brutally murdered in his own home!! He was stabbed 34 times with over 50 injuries to his little body!! I am always thinking about how afraid he was… What was his last thoughts?? In the October 2019 I stood up in court an gave evidence at his trial!! His murderer was given a 31 year jail sentance… I still have so many unanswered questions firstly Why… I feel like I don’t even know how to begin processing it all so I just shut it away in a box an hope these feelings will go 
sorry for the long post
Hi Joe, I am so sorry you have suffered these losses. Being stabbed to death is an awful way to die, and it must be very distressing for you to think what his last moments were like.
Have you tried contacting Victim Support? They help people like you affected by crime, free of charge. If they think you need counselling, then they can help arrange that for you too. Basically, they have experts who look at what has happened, the turmoil you’re going through, and then help you to access all the relevant services that might help you. They can be contacted on 08 08 16 89 111 any time of the day, and you can also go to their website and write to them if you would rather not talk on the phone. In the meantime, please keep talking about how you’re feeling at this site if you think it would help you.
Dear Joerobs,
I cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like to lose 3 loved one in such a short space of time and under such sad circumstances. All of them were still so young. I see in your profile that you are 41 yourself, so similar in age as they were. You write that you do not know how to begin processing it all. I think you have taken an important step by joining this online community and sharing your story. You will find when you read posts from others who have lost loved ones that there are no quick and easy answers, but we all try to support each other as best as we can. Abdulah has already given you some useful advice on help that you could possibly get from Victim Support.
Unfortunately grief is nor something we can shut in a box hoping that it will go away. It may work for a little while, but the feelings of loss and many other emotions will still be there and sooner or later will come out of the box. Every one deals with it in their own way and you will find your way to deal with it when you are ready for it. Do you have close family members or friends you can share your feelings with and who will share their feelings with you? Talking about the people you loved and lost with others who knew them can be difficult but also very helpful. Do post on here as often as you want.
Jo