4 weeks today

Losing a partner
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Hi this is my first time writing on the site, 4 weeks today my partner died, the hospital rang saying I needed to get there as quickly as possible, the hospital was a distance away & sadly I didn’t make it, he had been in for nearly 6 weeks having treatment, they even discussed discharging him, but he caught pneumonia, even then I thought he would be ok, he FaceTimed me 20mins before the hospital rang so I didn’t expect anything to happen, I keep busy during the day working, but I’m so lonely at night on my own, I do have friends & family, but they have their own lives, I have read other peoples posts & I wonder if it ever gets easier

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Hi Rubyroo -my wife died on the 1st May this year, she had lung cancer and had been given about 6 months in March when she had been admitted to hospital, I managed to get her into a hospice and then her final 2 days in a nursing home. Her death when it came, was sudden, I was out for a walk at the time and I had call from the nursing home to say my wife’s breathing was erratic, by the time I got there which was only a few minutes she had passed away. Neither of us have any family and the days since her funeral are long and empty, we knew each other for over 40 years.
People say it will get easier but each day is full of tears and emptiness.
I am glad that I found this site as the support from other people in similar circumstance is just what is needed at the moment. Pete

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Hello Rubyroo,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your partner and how you are feeling. It must all be such a shock still. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

You may also find the following Sue Ryder resources helpful:

Thank you again for sharing – please do keep posting as this community offers so many people a huge amount of support, and I hope it will help you too.

Take care,

Susannah

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I’m so sorry to hear about your wife, you are right when you say this site helps, I stumbled on it by accident, I was looking on the internet for advice of grief & this site popped up, it made me realise how many people are going through the same pain, but it also made me realise that grief might get a little easier, but never fully goes away, maybe I was looking for some magic timescale as I can’t imagine being in this much pain for such a long time, my granddaughter said that her heart hurts, I know exactly what she means, it’s an emotional pain like no other pain I’ve ever felt, you are right these are long lonely days, people are kind & always asking if I want/need anything, I just want to be able to turn back time.

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Hi Rubyroo,sadly I have to say no it does not get any easier,all of us on here are suffering like you .It is horrendous as you know.The ache you feel ,the pain and grief ,it is a living hell and drains the life out of you.You are among friends on here so do not hesitate to post your feelings and we will try to help you. Love Michael x

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Hi nearly nine months since my hubby died . And I feel it’s getting worse every day . The heartbreak and loneliness are never ending . The days feel longer and go on forever. And the nights without much sleep are dreadful. Sorry this probably not what you want to hear. But keep posting and reading on this site it does help .xtake care x

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Morning Broken2222,same timeline as me,nearly 9 months of this hell,why is this happening to us ,is this a punishment for loving someone too much.Hate living like this day after day.All the enjoyment and pleasure in life has gone.I am 77 and cannot start a new life now,the old one is still so strong in my mind.Life used to be precious but not anymore.I have seen my parents pass away ,I have seen my 28 year old Son killed by a car and now my wife taken by cancer. I have nothing left. Love Michael x

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Hi yes this is not the life we want or expected .cancer also took my husband. I hate cancer ruins to many lives . I try my hardest every day but nothing helps. I still work . I never had to work. But now I have to pay the bills on my own .and do things that I never had to do because my wonderful husband was here to share my life . I don’t feel like I am living just exciting. I thought it might of stopped hurting a little by now .but the hurt and longing and loneliness get worse every day . Thank you for your reply xtake carex

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Hi sorry ment to say excistence. My head all over the place today .back to work after being off for a week .also so sorry for all your loss. Xtake carex

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Like I just said head all over place just posted to my self .

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Hi, I agree it just seems to get worse day by day, I constantly wish I hadn’t left the hospital that night to come home. I had been with my husband since 9,.00,AM that day and had only managed about 4 hours in the previous 48 hours. I wanted home to eat , have a glass of wine and let our cat out. I only left hospital shortly after 7.00PM and was just in the doorwhen I got that awful phone call at 8.00,PM.to say he had pulled his oxygen mask off and staff had found him dead.
The video of what happened just continually plays in my mind Blame myself so much.

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Hi Ann66.
I know how you feel, I continually ask myself why I went home that afternoon or why didn’t I set off earlier to visit him that evening, I don’t know if I would have had different questions if I had been there when he died, it’s like we punish ourselves for something we had no control over, I have spoken to other people & they say the same, lots of if only, at the moment it’s still too raw I only hope we find some peace soon

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Ruby same here- my wife died two months ago and everything has her touch and scent upon it- the shops are haunted by her presence and her words drift round my mind every hour- I wrote three poems for her … Poem for Fallen Wives 1 2 and 3. It helped but a small crutch for a huge disability.

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So sorry for Yr lose, I call our life’s now an existence. Because that’s all it is. & the loneliness is a killer. Take care all u people missing Yr loved ones. X

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Hi .i don’t think we will ever find it any easier without our partner . The heartbreak of knowing that we will never . Talk, kiss, hug, them again . And yes the lonliness is a killer . We might not be alone . But lonely for partner . And heartbroken . As well as losing our partners we have lost our life . Our happy life . Thinking of you xtake carex

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I hate being a widower.It was not meant to be like this in retirement ,we were supposed to be together but cancer had other ideas. Lost ,bewildered,confused,angry,all the emotions . Michael xx

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I had the same thing ,I should have stayed with my dear wife on her last night in that hospice ,if only I had known how it was going to be,I went home because she was tired and wanted to sleep,the next day she was gone.Oh how I miss her now. Michael xx

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I’m so sorry to hear, I lost my husband suddenly 4 weeks ago today too, he was only 50, died in he’s sleep, I can completely understand how you feel, yes the nights are the worse for me too :disappointed:
I pray it gets easier for us x

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