Hi everyone, its been too long since I have written anything on here. My husband Marcial has been gone 4 years on June 4th this year. I still have my moments where I cant listen to “our” music, it reajs my heart. Since he has oassed my health has taken a dive for the worse. At present I’m restricted to resting and not going out. As you can imagine my depression is awful. My grief isn’t raw anymore but i still cry a lot. An example, out of nowhere I thought of the two of us in our old stomping grounds and now im inconsalable. It just doesnt seem to feel any better. I know i should be careful because of my heart condition, but its so difficult. Also unfortunately 2 of my closest friends left our friendship, and now even though i do have family and cousins who are like my best friends, im struggling. My daughter is at home with me, she works, and cooks etc for me. I just feel so unhappy and honestly I wish I had gone with Marcial. I miss him so much. I needed to get this off my chest.
Thanks for reading xx
Aw … si soret youre not well but at least you have nice people around you and your daughter … but its tough without them isnt it ? Im 18 months into this and i still missing him… i feel i beed to find a new partner really … i think that will help me but easier said than done ! Gotta find someone … i got some good friends and my daughters although my son isnt speaking to me atm … so tough isnt it and you got it out ! That feeling of being alone … that’s what i hate . My husband was besides me all the time for 37 years 
xx
Hi @Maragrita1
I feel so lonely and sad and my husband died just over 3 years ago.
I’m trying to “fake it till I make it”. It is not always going well.
When you are not 100% healthy it brings you down and you miss being a couple where your soulmate looked out for you and was there 24-7. It’s not the same with other friends/family. Just know that if you can improve your health that will make you better able to stand the loss. I’m sure he would have wanted you to live your best life.
I try to be grateful for the things I have because I was lucky to have my husband in my life. Things like a better sense of humour. I was very quiet and studious when I met my husband at 16, but he made me see how good it was to laugh at things. I try to do that and push myself to socialise.
I hope your health improves and that you find a way to grow your life around the big gaping hole of grief. It’s not easy, you are not alone…