4 years on....my thoughts

Hi. I haven’t posted for some time but I do dip in to posts now and then.

It’s four years since my husband died unexpectedly, finding myself a hollowed out shell of my former self, nervous, fearful, wanting to be alone, constantly tearful, blocked from reality. I had relied on him for emotional support and many practical things.

I pushed on, kept reading about others’ experiences and learning how to survive. I pray every day for guidance. We were together over 40 years.

I lived, and still do to some extent, one day at a time, in the early months, one hour at a time. After 4 years I am not as fearful of facing each day. I remember waking up one morning several years ago, and realising that I didn’t have that sickening, overwhelming sinking feeling. I thought…I can actually do this. I can learn to fill the huge gap in me with more of ME. I needed to grow stronger to cope with all the demands of life.

After 4 years I still miss him, every day, miss my soul mate, my best friend. I still have waves of tears. But, I’m still here, I have slowly learnt how to re-engage with friends, hobbies, writing (I’ve even written a bereavement book to help others and help me) and try try try to see a future. It’s not an easy road but it is possible. I am still me, tweaked through necessity.

In the first months if bereavement I asked a bereaved friend “Does it ever get better” . She smiled kindly and hesitantly nodded. Yes, with time it does getter ‘better’ in that you learn to live easier with your loss. You begin to adjust to a different life one where you can face the day, where you, at last, have a voice.

I feel for you all, I pray for your healing. Take care, find your inner strength and find support…it helps.
Annette xx


Thank you for your post Annette, it resonated with me as I’m sure it will for others on here. Well done on writing your book too.

Do continue to let us know your thoughts and feelings, I’m sure it will be beneficial for us all.

with warmest wishes


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Hi @Annette99
Thank you for your post, 17 months since I loss my Martin, it is a battle, the utter despair of not seeing him ever again. I try to hold on to the fact it takes time and that we do, we have to, it hurts that we need to live the rest of our life without our loved one and we have to find things to enjoy and with time we can laugh at the lovely memories we have on our loved one. My MIL loss my FIL 10 years ago, she still grieves for him but she also laughs and tells me funny stories about him, he was a lovely man my FIL, I still miss him but the pain isn’t as gut wrenching, I feel sad but think of a lovely memory about him, I guess this is how I will feel in time about my Martin.
Amy x

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Hello Annette
Having read your post it feels like it could have been me writing it. Like you I am slowly adapting to being on my own.
Sometimes I wonder if I am living on a different planet to my family and friends. They don’t talk about my lovely husband anymore and I don’t feel I can talk to them.
I wake up every morning with a feeling of dread and hopelessness. I can’t cry now,I don’t think I have any tears left.
My world has shrunk. I have lost my confidence and find I talk myself out of doing things because of predictable failure.My days are long and often lonely.
But every night I tell myself about my achievements that day. Paid bills, took car for new tyres. It’s taken 4 years, I am stronger in some ways and not in others. The mountain is high but I climb further every day.
Your post made me feel less alone, thank you.
I wish you well


Hello all

The four year club
I just cant believe I loss my husband 4 years ago
We were together 25 wonderful years he passed suddenly just before his 50th birthday
Over the time you learn to cope with the challenges of life without them
Don’t get me wrong it’s so so hard just surviving even after all this time
My heart will always be broken
But life doesn’t stop when your in pain
You adapt to a new way to live without them

I have photos of him put in every room of our home
I would write in a journal every day it helped me overcome my anger for loosing him
And to share all the things I had achieved over the years
I still write in it today although not as often
I always talk about him to friends and family probably every day
How can I stop he was part of my life for so long

I am saddened that I will forget his kiss on my lips
His smell ,his voice , his touch
While I am able I will cherish our memories together

Does it get easier - not really I still cry often
I find it hard now there is no purpose to my life now without him
I know I was lucky to have him for a short time and that he loved me as much as I loved him
And he is not going through this pain that makes me happy

The future well it does fly by quick as we have all said
I just take it day to day week to week
Some good some bad
That’s my life now
That’s how I survive without him

Sending my love to you all