Hi. I haven’t posted for some time but I do dip in to posts now and then.
It’s four years since my husband died unexpectedly, finding myself a hollowed out shell of my former self, nervous, fearful, wanting to be alone, constantly tearful, blocked from reality. I had relied on him for emotional support and many practical things.
I pushed on, kept reading about others’ experiences and learning how to survive. I pray every day for guidance. We were together over 40 years.
I lived, and still do to some extent, one day at a time, in the early months, one hour at a time. After 4 years I am not as fearful of facing each day. I remember waking up one morning several years ago, and realising that I didn’t have that sickening, overwhelming sinking feeling. I thought…I can actually do this. I can learn to fill the huge gap in me with more of ME. I needed to grow stronger to cope with all the demands of life.
After 4 years I still miss him, every day, miss my soul mate, my best friend. I still have waves of tears. But, I’m still here, I have slowly learnt how to re-engage with friends, hobbies, writing (I’ve even written a bereavement book to help others and help me) and try try try to see a future. It’s not an easy road but it is possible. I am still me, tweaked through necessity.
In the first months if bereavement I asked a bereaved friend “Does it ever get better” . She smiled kindly and hesitantly nodded. Yes, with time it does getter ‘better’ in that you learn to live easier with your loss. You begin to adjust to a different life one where you can face the day, where you, at last, have a voice.
I feel for you all, I pray for your healing. Take care, find your inner strength and find support…it helps.
Annette xx