Today is 5 months since my partner was taken from me. I’ve had a rough few days , I let the grief in as it was nagging at me. I kept thinking of my partner and memories kept coming and I kept pushing the tears back but then gave in.
I woke this morning and felt better and while driving to work, I was thinking of all the things that I am grateful for!
The security of his love, his support, putting me first and being there whenever I needed him, the laughter, our home, that has he’s magic all over it. The guidance he gave my children and our grandchildren, the strength he gave me to try new things and building my confidence , giving me the strength to do this every day (well most days).
I’m so incredibly grateful for him and all he gave me and all we gave each other. I know I helped mould him into the man he became, giving him the strength to succeed at what he did, and gain confidence in his own abilities so he could be who he wanted to be and just today, I was thanked again for bringing happiness into his life.
Today has been a better day and thinking of him gave me the strength to keep going. He’s still helping me from afar and he will be there yet again when I need him at the end of my journey.
@Ali29 another beautiful tribute to your husband. I really admire how you turn negatives into positives. I can’t say I’m able to do that yet but hopefully one day.
Its so true … our very special man wow those tears been around last few days for me too ! I get so angry i cant fix this or ever bring my darling man back …so sad … ! Xxx
Hi @Ali29
What a wonderful attitude. Trying to drive those negatives away and bring in the positives does help us eventually. Training the brain to switch from such sadness and pain to the joy we have to be grateful for. I admire your strength.
Pat
xx
@Pattidot
Thank you. Not everyday is manageable but I won’t be beaten down by this grief and I don’t want to be miserable, that’s unhealthy for me and I think it also puts people off keeping in touch and at times like these we need people around.
Hi @Ali29 I couldn’t agree more. Like you neither did I want to feel so miserable. I had those bad days but I was not going to be beaten by the ‘grief monster’. I was not going to sit at home crying no matter what.
I agree it does put people off approaching us. I was asked why I always walked with my head looking down. I decided that I was making myself unaproachable so I started smiling and saying good morning to people while on my dog walks. It worked. People responded and I now have lots of people that I meet when walking. Some are new friends. Some I don’t even know their names but they stop for a chat and wave. It seems it has to be us that makes the first move. However I didn’t feel I needed people. I didn’t want to meet anyone even friends or mix as I preferred my own company. I now don’t feel alone or lonely and now see enough people to keep me happy. We can adapt given time.
Pat
xx
I dont agree - i think you gotta have this time for mourning … and i cant stop myself from crying even if i do talk to other people ! I was just talking to this guy who admired my 6 month puppy … as he said - dogs are better than people ! My little puppy has seen me be sad many times and shes still loyal to me … bless her ! If people dont like me being sad i don’t really care tbh …
@Ali29 Such inspiring and wonderful words , so much to be grateful for in what you gave to each other, which in turn gives you the strength to move forward. Love and hugs
@Ali29 what a positive attitude and a new perspective on how to tackle grief . It’s six weeks for me this weekend . If I keep busy it helps but evenings are the hardest time especially at bedtime . My children keep me busy as well , a good day normally means the next day is esp hard but it’s very up and down . Last night I felt the reality of the fact he has gone like a double decker bus full on but I allowed myself to sob xx
Im reading " the good companion" bt sasha bates and she said its good to let your grief out because if you don’t dont do it now it will catch up with you later … but she says we need a break from our grief and do normal things too … x
@Katiekaboo such early raw days for you, I’m sorry you’ve had to join the club. The beginning for me was so incredibly hard and I had all the dark thoughts and didn’t want to be here but I decided as I wasn’t going anywhere, I had to sort myself out. I have days where I’m still floored and I give in to the grief but I also will not be defined by it.
I’m lucky to have good people around me, they never match my partner and I miss him dreadfully but we had such a great life and I want that again, in whatever form that is. I just want to be happy with my life.
@Ali29 I cannot say I haven’t had dark thoughts but I have three children and that’s not an option. I know I need to find some happiness so that they can live their lives and with time flourish , not sure what to expect for myself x
@Katiekaboo
I’d say, don’t expect anything, just let life happen for a while, take a day at a time. It’s draining trying to look forward and trying to work out what’s next. Some days I struggle and I find it’s because I have taken on too much and focusing on what’s ahead too much. I have to reign myself back in and just stick to today. That’s all we’re guaranteed.
wow those tears been around last few days for me too ! I get so angry i cant fix this or ever bring my darling man back …so sad … ! Xxx