Zani, thanks for your post. Unless you are short of room, there is no rush to deal with the fabric, so do take your time. Yes Mary’s was all brand new too and some was probably expensive. I did keep a few pieces, with Mary’s favourite insect on them - butterflies - even though I have no idea what I will do with them.
We had a long time together, both after experiencing divorces before we got together at all, but I think I was more lucky than many to have her for so many years. She tried to get me to promise not to go first, which I couldn’t of course, but she took that matter was taken out of my hands. She was 76, but still young in my mind and young at heart too. I wonder if it worse to only have someone so special for a lesser number of years. I guess we just don’t know the answer to that.
No, none of us want this new life, and of course I still feel that after nearly 2 years. From my experience it does get a little easier to handle as time goes on. I still have really bad days though, but friends here see me through those.
Mandy was cremated in her favourite dress, one she made herself, it was lovely, a pink linen type material, holding her favourite summer hat. She used to make us hats too, bucket hats or wooly hats to keep out the cold.
I gave most of her clothes way to charity. I kept her favourite items, and her wedding dress, and the cardigan and bag she wore on the day we met.
I used the Samaritans and cruse bereavement on the telephone in the early weeks. It did help me understand what happened much better and alleviate the guilt I initially felt.
Mandy’s death was preventable, but she developed a mental blindness to her health problems and nothing I, or our son said could make a difference. I had to understand that she made those choices, not me, and responsibility lay with her.
Hi Katy, I hope the match goes well for your son, let us know how he goes. It’s dry here at the moment but raining later, I imagine he’ll be slipping around the field!
I read that around half of all death before the age of 75 is preventable. The causes being things like smoking, drinking, taking drugs, dangerous driving, not taking medication, being overweight etc.
Thank you Nightwish1.You are right about phone counselling, it was very impersonal.I have to admit since i have started going into the church cafe i have found some peace there.Its also an escape from the mad often cruel unforgiving world outside.I have found after seeing the usual couples everywhere while doing my shopping it really calms me a bit.i know i have to go back outside to get the bus home but i find the people there so friendly.if you want to be alone as i sometimes want thats fine , also there is always someone to talk to too, the volunteers who work there, the vicar, and i find they are not pushing religion at people if thats not their thing but the church adjacent is always available for people too for prayer .they have lunchtime concerts too but most on a weekday, usually a piano or organ recital.The cafe is like an oasis of calm.I dont always get time to go especially if i get a later bus like last saturday then i have to dash back.You are so right in what you say, we have to try and not beat ourselves up about things.i was reading in a paper today about a man who has got cancer.when he saw a Gp he was told he had nothing to worry about, he was not convinced , he saw another doctor who refered him to a consultant who diagnosed cancer.we put our faith in these people and as you so rightly say we are not doctors or trained specialists.
@Zani I completely agree with deaths being preventable. I am sure my husband would have been alive if the doctors at the hospital had been monitoring his heart, veins etc. My husband had rheumatoid arthritis and was at the high risk of cardiovascular complications but the doctors only ordered injections and occasional blood tests. It really makes me angry and one day I will confront this hospital,doctors
So sorry.
My hospital experience was ghastly too.
I believe he was left to die by the hospital staff but there is a limited time to take those to complaints.
I couldn’t face what needed doing.
I am so sorry you are feeling this way too.
Xxx
Mandy was admitted late at night, and died in the early hours. So i think its highly likely the hospital messed up somehow, although i have no proof of that. If she’d received better care she might have made it. I couldn’t face making complaints or asking for a coroner to be involved, it wasnt’ bringing her back. And ultimately she needed to have looked after herself better and not needed to be going into hospital at all.