I’m tired of the pain I feel everyday.I get this horrible feeling all the time.The pain is so physical but so hard to describe. For me time hasn’t healed anything it doesn’t get any better.The only time I feel happy is when I’m with my son but he reminds me of my mom so it also hurts.I just want my mom back it is the hardest thing being a mother without a mother.I have no real friends to talk to either.It feels like my life is on stop.Everything feels wrong.Its like time stopped when my mother got ill and it hasn’t restarted.Im just so tired waking up every day and having it all sink in again.I even find it hard to write how I’m feeling down on here but this is all i have right now.
@StarHeart hi I am so very sorry for the loss of your mum I lost my mum many years ago so I understand how you are feeling its hard and we miss them so much I lost my partner 4months ago its hard to believe its been that long feels like yesterday I take one day at a time that’s all I can manage right now keep posting and talking on here you will find support we all try to help eachother as best as we can and everyone understands how we are feeling its just me and our pets now so this site is a lifeline for me I’m often around if you ever want to chat this community is full of caring people going through heartbreak who are always willing to listen and reply stay safe and take care sending hugs x
Hi starHeart, so sorry to hear of your loss your mum was taken far too young I lost my mum in July this year and I miss her so much, I cared for her at home for the last 6 weeks ,I get through day by day I still feel lost, guilty and angry she is gone I’m 58 but I feel like a little girl lost that needs her mum, life is so cruel , I’m waiting for counselling with cruse to see if it helps taking with others my two daughters are very supportive but I still find at times I feel very alone , have you had any counselling? People say you learn to live with the pain & loss but I don’t see how, I would give anything to have my mum back, I know I’ll never be the same person again I can totally relate to how you are feeling it’s so hard, messaging on here does help to hear from others who understand what you are going through, its going to be a long journey ahead for all of us, keep messaging on here, look after yourself, thinking of you, take care
Thank you for your messages of support.I am sorry for your loss.I hope you all find ways to cope and things do eventually get better.I wish I could say more to help.
Its just so hard.I am waiting for grief counselling to start I just haven’t heard anything yet, waiting on a listener to contact me.
Reading everyones story on here makes me feel a bit less alone.I just wish I wasn’t here anymore which is hard to feel and I feel guilty having these thoughts because of my son but I don’t see any happiness for me in the future.I don’t have a partner to lean on and I just feel like I’m always going to be alone.I am dreading christmas because I spent most of last christmas seeing my mother lose her battle with life and that started at the end of last November and I don’t know how I will get through the next few months.Everyday is a constant battle.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum 10 months ago and I still feel a lot of grief. I too feel drained and wonder when it will go away. Not every day is like it though, there is some sunshine amongst the clouds but when the clouds come back its hard to keep picking yourself up and I get dispondant. I find it so isolating and lonely to still feel this level of sadness so many months on. I miss her, I still crave for my mum even though she was not a big part of my every day life but your mum is your mum no matter what. I hate feeling like I could burst into tears when I wake up in the morning.
I lost my mum 11 weeks ago this Thursday (I hate saying that because it reads as though I misplaced her somewhere). She had been ill with lung cancer for around 18 months and died at the beginning of June. I understand everything you are all saying. She was my beautiful, joyous, effervescent mum and my best friend. I feel like I am riding waves of emotion every day. I have an overriding sense of sadness that is behind every thing I do. Even if I have a moment when I think “oh it will be nice to do this at the weekend,” I then realise that it won’t because something isn’t right, everything is wrong. She’s not here anymore. And then I can’t believe it all over again, and I can’t let myself look forward because what does that mean if I do … That my grief is subsiding, but I don’t want it to. I don’t want to stop feeling this because it might mean I will forget her. I just love and miss her so much.
Hi nicmar, I’m really sorry to hear the loss of your mum, it’s so hard isn’t it I lost my mum 5 weeks ago and I miss her so much, I cared for her at home for the last 6 weeks so she could be with all her family, I too have waves of emotions, I feel lost, guilty & angry, I can’t focus on anything other than getting up going up to see my dad & looking after him, i so want my mum to be there too, i feel guilty doing anything as in the back of my mind I’m thinking I should be doing it for mum too, I’ve cried every day since she passed, I hate not knowing if shes ok, I wish I could feel her presence, but I’ve had nothing I’ll never be the person I was before, life is so cruel, people say you get over this in time but I don’t want to ever stop missing my mum, its such a rollercoaster ride we are all on, hopefully we can help each other along this site helps knowing other people are feeling your pain too, I’m waiting for counselling, have you had any counselling? It’s got to be worth talking to someone who again understands how you are feeling, keep messaging on here, it’s nice to keep in touch take care
Hi Lynn (and everyone else)
Thank you for your thoughts, I’m so sorry for your loss as well. I have thought about counselling, but I’ve also read some books about bereavement, grief and loss, and especially about daughters losing mothers. I’ve wanted to try and understand exactly what I’m thinking and feeling. It has helped me in one way, knowing that there is nothing wrong with how I feel and that grief is something you have to learn to live with and is always there. That it is ok to cry and to keep crying as long as you need to.
I’m happy to share the titles if you would like me to. I don’t know about you but I just feel as if I am in a dream, as if there has been some mistake and that it can’t really be true. And then it feels so enormous and I can’t get my head around what life is about, and what the point is, and how can it be that I will never ever see my mum again. I look at pictures of her/ us and I think, how can it be true. She was there so how can it be that now she is not. I guess this has a lot to do with accepting what has happened. This morning I thought, “it’s 11 weeks since I held your hand, since I heard your voice”. I keep counting days. I don’t want the season to change to Autumn because that will mean she never got to see another Autumn, and that time is moving on and I am moving further and further away from her. I just feel like I’m waiting, but I don’t know what for. Its very hard isn’t it?
Hi nicmar, I’m reading a book called 'I WASN’T READY TO SAY GOODBYE, its really interesting, its telling the story’s of the two writers experience with the loss of a loved one, how the stages of grief effect people etc, yes I would love the titles of the books you have, its comforting to know what we are all experiencing is perfectly normal, I cant yet accept my mum has gone, it’s all happened too quick for me, at the beginning of may all my mum usually complained about were her knees, ( she had arthritis in them & the bones were weak) then BAM!!! She wasn’t feeling to great we had doctors out they did some blood tests, she had a high inflammation count in her body , she went into hospital for extra tests & was diagnosed with secondary liver cancer, given 6- 12 months, lived for 6 weeks, mainly because she wouldn’t eat , it’s so hard to understand that I will never see her again, I keep having flash thoughts that it’s not real, I like you cant bare the thought of my mum not seeing any day, month or year again, I can’t bare to think of Christmas, my birthday is November & to think she won’t be around for that is heartbreaking, how do we get through this ? No one can ever prepare you for this pain, it helps to know there are people on here who can relate to what we are going through, I hope we can help each other ease the pain a little each day, I know its going to be tough as there will be dark days,and possibly darker ones, amongst the lighter ones, keep strong, stay in touch thinking of you
Hi Nicmar sorry I missed your reply.Im so sorry for your loss.It sounds like you have been through so much already.Reading what you wrote is exactly how I feel.I don’t want to do anything new because my mother isn’t here.I went for a day out yesterday and travelled quite far away from home with my son and his father’s family for the first time since my mother died and all i saw was families.Even though I have my father and brother we aren’t really a family anymore because there’s someone missing.I don’t know if that makes sense but It was my mother who always took us places and did stuff with us she was just always making sure we were all ok.It just feels so wrong and I think to myself my mother was here last August and now she’s not and it just doesnt make sense to me.I was told after my mother died to to just take things day by day or hour by hour or even minute by minute.Whatever happens your mother will always be your mother and you will always have your memories and you won’t forget her even when your grief starts to subside.I know if I think of what my mother would want for me it would be to be happy and start enjoying life again.Even though it can be really hard to do.Take care x
Hi starHeart , I can totally relate to how you feel about not wanting to do things now your mum has gone, I too still have my dad & brothers but since mum passed it’s so quiet at dads, mum even though she was 85 she was a big voice in the family, always chatted about anything, there’s such a void now shes not there, every time I do something at dads, I feel guilty because mums not there to be part of it, to chat ,its so hard! Like you said about your mum wanting you to be happy, I’m sure that is definitely true our mums would want us to carry on, but for me at the moment it’s too raw, I do just take a day at a time, the waves of emotions creep up at some point each day and I deal with them best I can, i hope your doing ok, stay strong & keep in touch
Hello StarHeart (love that username btw). No need to be sorry. You are also going through the most terrible thing. I keep looking at mums and daughters together, wherever I am and thinking that should be me and my mum. Or I see really old ladies and can’t help but think that my mum should have got to be really old. I know exactly what you mean about Mum being the centre force. bringing everyone together. Mum was home. We are trying to stay tight knit as a family to support each other, but yes, there is and always will be something wrong/ something missing, Thank you for sharing your experience - you are so right about “what my mother would want for me it would be to be happy and start enjoying life”, my mum would want that too.
I’m right with you about Birthdays (mine’s 7th Dec and mum made my birthday. She still treated my like a little girl and totally indulged and spoilt me. I’m laughing now when I think about it. My husband said to her “It’s obscene the amount of presents she’s got.” He loved my mum very much, they were like best friends and he can’t bear the idea of her not being here too) and Christmas. I am not going to do Christmas or my birthday. We are going to do something completely different. I’m exactly the same when I think about it, it seems unbearable. My brother and his family live abroad and would usually come to mum and dads, this year we are all going to him. Complete change, but all together.
A couple of titles you may be interested in are:
Grief Works: Stories of Life, Death and Surviving - Julia Samuel
Grief Is the Thing with Feathers - Max Porter
The Long Goodbye: A Memoir - Meghan O’Rourke
The Madness of Grief - Richard Cole
Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss - Hope Edelman
I’ve read about 5 others over the past 3 months - you can see I’ve been on a mission, and probably over researched. But they have helped. The ones in bold have been especially excellent.
I agree, it is so comforting to talk to other people who are going through the same thing. As we move in to the Autumn days and darker nights (dreading the changing of the season, used to love cosy evenings eating and drinking with mum and dad, and goodness knows how dad is going to handle this) I can imagine that sharing thoughts and feelings is going to be so important. Take care
Thank you and I chose the username because I’m always doodling stars and hearts lol.I know what you mean about seeing old ladies.I saw an elderly couple walking across the road today and I was thinking why couldn’t my mother get to that age.It also makes my dad angry when he sees elderly people still living in their 80s but life is so unfair.The sad thing is if there was no coronavirus my mother would probably still be here.I can’t get my head around the fact I don’t have a mother anymore it’s so hard and it doesn’t feel real.My mother was so good at keeping everything and everyone together.She always made sure everything was done and everying was clean and tidy.She was so full of life even when she was ill.Some people say things happen for a reason but I really don’t understand that.I do hope with time losing my mother starts getting more bearable to live with but I don’t know if that will happen.I suppose it’s a journey and we are at the beginning.Remembering all the good times we had together can help I think.
Thank you TIGGER55.Im so sorry for your loss.I only saw my mother on weekends and sometimes id phone her during the week.She was always there when i needed her.I wish we did more together.You just think everything is going to be ok and stay the same and one minute she’s here and then she’s gone.Im glad there is some sunshine amongst the clouds for you even though you are still struggling.I don’t think I have any tears left I’ve cried so much.The days are hard but having to wake up everyday and it sink in again it’s physically and emotionally exhausting.Take care x
Hi nicmar, thank you for the book titles I will look them up, everyday is a challenge isn’t it, today has been another weepy day, tried to get through it without a wobble but found myself listening to ED SHEERANS new song and that was it, amazing song but so raw to listen too how I miss my mum, it’s hard to accept I’ll never see her again, how you getting through the days? The nights are drawing in aren’t they, really do just want to curl up at night & hide from the reality that I’m in, but not looking forward to thinking mum wont be here to see the months changing & Christmas coming up , hope your doing ok keep safe.