It will be six months this week since my husband Jim died age 59 - he died after his oxygen mask fell off and his brain and heart was starved of oxygen……to make matters worse on the day of his funeral I fell down the stairs breaking my arm in two, breaking 5 ribs and a vertebrae in my back, I spent 10 days in hospital……I can’t cry I’m numb, everyone thinks I’m doing amazing but I’m m not 
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Dear @Michelle1964
I am so sorry you find yourself on this forum, what a tragic way to lose your loved one and to have had such appalling injuries too, along with the heartbreak. I hope you find some help and support on this forum, we all know too well that friends & family don’t see the full reality of our loss. How we have to pretend to cope, pretend to be strong & brave, pretend to be OK when we are not OK.
I have just passed one year anniversary and am far from being OK. But I know being on this forum has probably stopped me from thinking I am going insane.
Say what you need to here … get it all out… we get it.
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Dear Michelle
I send you love and I do understand how you feel
The numbness will remain for a while but the crying will come when you least expect
I was surprised when I didn’t cry as much as I thought I would have when Jack crying - one day while I was having a walk during the first first lockdown remember crying , a loud cry like a wounded animal !!!
Lots of love
Sadie xx
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Thank you Sadie xxx
Maigret thank you xxx
I love this, I have a print of it hanging in my hall by the front door, sometimes I need those words when I leave the house x
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I am so sorry for your loss.
The inability to cry means your loss is extremely deep and you fear that if you cry you won’t stop? It’s ok, This is your way of coping.
When you do cry it will be a relief I am sure.
I did not cry most of the time in the first weeks, certainly not in front of anyone. I didn’t cry at his funeral. Eventually I did, in private.
So don’t worry, it is how you are dealing with it. There are no rules or norms really.