I wish I could say things are improving it’s six months since I lost Paula and I’m lost without her I really am. I feel there is no purpose even though I am very lucky to have great friends and family beautiful grandchildren but I just cannot focus on anything or get joy out anything because I miss Paula so much! I talk to her every day as I know she wouldn’t want me to be so depressed. I try and rationalise everything that I’m lucky to have loved someone so much and that’s why I am in pain but it doesn’t work. Hopefully we all gradually improve over time but this is just so hard to deal with every day x
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Dear billyh67
I’m so sorry. We all are. And we all understand on these chats.
I only found this community a couple of weeks ago,and so glad to have found it. Its just so comforting to read everyone’s posts…and think YES, THAT’S ME TOO!! until I found this I literally thought no one understood.
It’s just so lovely to be able to post comments,and say exactly what you want with no judgements.
I’m just over 8 months in since losing my darling husband, and best best friend. And nothing gets any easier. The sadness, loneliness and missing are just so intense. I feel so alone even when surrounded by kind friends.
And now another long weekend to endure. I truly hate weekends, and these long ones, when everyone else is happy happy happy are crushing.
You leave work on Friday, and everyone says 'have a lovely weekend ’ and I just fake smile, and think ‘how on earth do you think that is possible?!’
Be as strong as you can when you want to be, and don’t be afraid of being weak. I used to search for grief/missing husband poems and verses on internet (and lots helped) . And now I’ve got these posts to read from everyone on all these different conversations. It helps.
Hugs to you all 
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Sorry for your loss and that you are struggling so badly.
How long were you together?
I lost my partner in January, we had 16 years together. He died instantly and unexpectedly while out in a bike ride. He was 49.
I miss him like mad but have some better days now. I’m slowly going back to work. Some things catch me out and on the bad days, I just give in and embrace it. Also I see a councillor and that has been helpful.
Keep talking on here, there is a lot of support in this forum.
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@Billyh67 Sorry for your loss. This site really helps me to not feel quite so alone. No matter how good family & friends are no-one understands the loss of a partner unless they have experienced it. Unfortunately, there are a lot of us here and it’s comforting to know they truly understand what it’s like. I hope this can bring you some comfort too. There’s always someone here to talk to if you need it. Take care.
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3 months today I lost Martin to pancreatic cancer he was 58. I restarting work Tuesday ( I’m a nurse) . They’re not pushing me and I’m going to go back slowly but I don’t know how I will cope ! I feel like I’m keeping screams inside of me , my area of work is a happy atmosphere and I can hardly smile . I want him to be here Tuesday to say have a good day and give me a hug !! Now this long weekend for us all !!! , take care all , keep talking on here .
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@Martju I returned to work just a few hours a week. I felt I needed some sort of routine. I actually feel it helps to have a purpose & structure. Hopefully you will find the same. These long holiday weekends are awful. Nice to have support on here. Take care.
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Thanks everyone for being there and understanding it really does mean a lot. After speaking to my GP who has diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia chronic pain and Fatigue every day. He said Billy you had Sepsis twice long covid, your partner had terminal cancer for four years, you had to watch her die in a hospice for 43 days unable to eat. You then have to deal with grief the loss of your best friend your partner your future and try and hold a job down all this trauma has got to go somewhere and it manifest in pain. You work from home you have no motivation to go out and the only thing that’s going to help is exercise. I have took a huge jump and took voluntary redundancy it was a half decent package but not a fortune by any standards . My immediate plans are spending my mornings in hotel leisure facilities and going to travel down the coast to see my family and try and sort out my physical and mental health. They say time heals well it isn’t for me so going to try and grasp this opportunity to improve my wellbeing before it’s too late. Paula was 52 when she died I’m now 56. Good luck to everyone on this site to eventually find some sort of contentment because I don’t think I will ever find true happiness again x
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@Billyh67 you have certainly had a terrible time. Now it’s time to concentrate on healing physically & mentally. I don’t mean your loss because unfortunately that’s something none of us will completely heal from. But hopefully a bit of ‘you’ time and spending time with family will help with some of your other troubles. Take care
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