@Peppers Hi, I must confess to feeling rather reticent replying to your post, I don’t wish to be seen to be criticising your very sincere desire to help. That’s certainly not my intention.
My wife of forty nine years plus died last April, she’d been ill but her death in hospital was sudden and unexpected; misdiagnosed, her clinical care was frankly lamentable. Her consultant apologised to us, of little consolation.
We; our two adult children and I were traumatised. Almost ten months on I feel barely any better; I still tick four out of the five ‘bereavement boxes’.
Feeling a great deal of empathy with @Dottie72’s post and reading your reply, I thought I’d visit the links you thoughtfully posted.
The advice given by Dr. Alejandra Vasquez, JD CT (Dr. Alejandra Vasquez, JD, CT | Cake Blog Author) was I felt, a little glib.
“Simple everyday activities that help restore you are talking to your friends and support group in person, going out for a morning walk, or taking in a movie”
What friends? I can almost certainly guarantee that unless your friends have been where you currently are, they have no idea.
I realise now that the friends my wife and I had and who had promised so much, turned out to be solely my wife’s friends and have disappeared without trace.
I want to talk about my wife but I feel others do not; perhaps worried by what might be my reaction; I don’t know.
I’m now conscious of talking about her and avoid doing so.
Dr Vasquez suggests talking to your support group in person; where is this support group that we can talk to in person?
A morning walk, in a depressing urban environment? If I had the energy and motivation, I honestly can’t think of anything less likely to raise my spirits. Ditto, a movie.
I’d agree, these things might be appealing to some and I hope that they may genuinely benefit from them.
Then we get: " Fortunately, there are many grief resources available to individuals who’ve suffered through loss. You’re truly never alone when dealing with the death of a loved one. All you need to do is reach out and let others know what you’re dealing with and allow them to guide you through your grief journey."
The mere fact that we’re all here attempting to benefit from the catharsis that sharing our grief brings should reveal that once we turn the tech off, we are alone.
Should knowing that there are other poor souls suffering the same loss, make me feel better?
The ‘grief resources’ that Dr Vasquez links to in her blog are with the exception of one with UK sites, all American.
There are a number of very good UK based online support groups as well as Sue Ryder’s and some of them offer group meetings where people might share their feelings with people who really do understand, because they’ve been there.
When comfortable with meeting others, this might allow the bereaved an opportunity to re-enter their life socially.
Personally, I’m just not ready for that, my anxiety levels are just too high.
There is no one to guide me through my grief, I’m sure my children grieve the death of their mother too but I see little evidence of it and rarely, do they enquire as to how I am, Distractions are indeed an essential tool but I live everyday pretty much the same as the last. It’s one day at a time.
Thank you @Peppers for the support you so generously give to this community.