Did anyone have difficulties with the 6 month mark? I thought I was just about coping, but the past few days it feels like I’m right back to day one…
It’s the worst feeling imaginable. I just can’t grasp he’s gone forever. I’m starting to think that a part of me was convinced, he would come back eventually.
I hate this life now… 
Dear @Dottie72
I feel the pain in your post and the loss of a loved one is the worst feeling. It does take time to accept that your loved one is not coming back. People do expect you to feel alright after six months but that is not the case and it is ok not to be ok. This is normal as grief comes and goes in waves with a rollercoaster of emotions with good days and bad days.
I have shared a few blog links on Feeling and Experiences after 6 months which may be of help and support to you. When you feel ready and up to it, it may well be worth a read.
Grief is a journey and not a race. Everyone’s journey is different. It is a hard horrible journey to be on and we all understand what you are going through and are here for you. I hope the above information may be of help to you.
Please continue to reach out, you are not alone.
Take care.
Pepsi
Dottie
6 months was awful. But so was one day, one week, one month. Every Monday and Wednesday. A certain date every month. His birthday. My birthday. It goes on and on. For a while I blanked our completely on dates. In fact I don’t always know what year he died or in fact what year it is currently! I do know that I am coming up for 2 years and feeling very apprehensive about it and how I will feel,
What you are feeling is completely natural. I hope this helps you know that you are not alone in feeling this way x
Just to continue, yes, also sometimes believe my husband is just somewhere else right now. Traveling. In another home we own. I think it’s our minds way of protecting us and in some ways it makes perfect sense x
@Peppers Hi, I must confess to feeling rather reticent replying to your post, I don’t wish to be seen to be criticising your very sincere desire to help. That’s certainly not my intention.
My wife of forty nine years plus died last April, she’d been ill but her death in hospital was sudden and unexpected; misdiagnosed, her clinical care was frankly lamentable. Her consultant apologised to us, of little consolation.
We; our two adult children and I were traumatised. Almost ten months on I feel barely any better; I still tick four out of the five ‘bereavement boxes’.
Feeling a great deal of empathy with @Dottie72’s post and reading your reply, I thought I’d visit the links you thoughtfully posted.
The advice given by Dr. Alejandra Vasquez, JD CT (Dr. Alejandra Vasquez, JD, CT | Cake Blog Author) was I felt, a little glib.
“Simple everyday activities that help restore you are talking to your friends and support group in person, going out for a morning walk, or taking in a movie”
What friends? I can almost certainly guarantee that unless your friends have been where you currently are, they have no idea.
I realise now that the friends my wife and I had and who had promised so much, turned out to be solely my wife’s friends and have disappeared without trace.
I want to talk about my wife but I feel others do not; perhaps worried by what might be my reaction; I don’t know.
I’m now conscious of talking about her and avoid doing so.
Dr Vasquez suggests talking to your support group in person; where is this support group that we can talk to in person?
A morning walk, in a depressing urban environment? If I had the energy and motivation, I honestly can’t think of anything less likely to raise my spirits. Ditto, a movie.
I’d agree, these things might be appealing to some and I hope that they may genuinely benefit from them.
Then we get: " Fortunately, there are many grief resources available to individuals who’ve suffered through loss. You’re truly never alone when dealing with the death of a loved one. All you need to do is reach out and let others know what you’re dealing with and allow them to guide you through your grief journey."
The mere fact that we’re all here attempting to benefit from the catharsis that sharing our grief brings should reveal that once we turn the tech off, we are alone.
Should knowing that there are other poor souls suffering the same loss, make me feel better?
The ‘grief resources’ that Dr Vasquez links to in her blog are with the exception of one with UK sites, all American.
There are a number of very good UK based online support groups as well as Sue Ryder’s and some of them offer group meetings where people might share their feelings with people who really do understand, because they’ve been there.
When comfortable with meeting others, this might allow the bereaved an opportunity to re-enter their life socially.
Personally, I’m just not ready for that, my anxiety levels are just too high.
There is no one to guide me through my grief, I’m sure my children grieve the death of their mother too but I see little evidence of it and rarely, do they enquire as to how I am, Distractions are indeed an essential tool but I live everyday pretty much the same as the last. It’s one day at a time.
Thank you @Peppers for the support you so generously give to this community.
@yrhengof I am so sorry that your wife has died and I can fully understand why your anxiety is still high and that you are not ready to re-enter life socially. I find it so hard just getting through each day. Just getting out of bed for me is a chore as I don’t see the point or meaning to anything now. I have said in another thread that I do hope things will improve in the future but how long that will take who knows? I wish you well for the future and I truly hope you do start to feel less anxious in the coming weeks/months. Take care.x
Hi @Dottie72 I can’t say I hit a six month mark as all the months have just drifted into one long year. I don’t know how I have got here. I still can’t believe he’s gone. I think of him and in my mind’s eye he’s alive and then the tug of war starts in my brain when I look at his ashes sitting there and I think that really can’t be him in there. Is that all there is of that big strong man of mine. I just can’t comprehend it all. Yes this so called life stinks and I will never stop missing, longing or crying for my man but as I said to @yrhengof we have to hope for better days or there is no point to anything. Sending love and peace to you.x
I know what you mean about the ashes. I take comfort from having them and him at home but cant believe that is all i have left of my big man. I know others talk to them but it breaks me to have to talk to the container that now holds my man. I know he is around me, in our home that we loved spending time in, often just the 2 of us, but then my mind plays tricks on me and i just think hes on holuday…1 really big long holiday. I just wish he’d hurry up and come home from it
Love and hugs to all x
Thank you for your kind words. I keep track of every minute, hour, day etc. I do panic, as I think I may just fry and melt; I worry I’m avoiding the truth, that really, really scares me.
How do we all cope? I read posts of hope and strength, I suppose that’s all we have.
I do agree with other threads on this forum, people forget, expect us to move on? I have come to the sad conclusion, unless they have lost their love, their reason for living, we are simply on our own…
Sending you love
Dottie x❤️
I totally get what you are saying. I look at my Martin’s ashes and just cannot comprehend? How can this be all there is left of my beautiful, gentle husband?
Sending you love
Dottie x💔
Hi Dottie. I know EXACTLY what you mean. If I have a stable day, I worry there’s something wrong with me and that maybe I think this is not permanent. I have the realisation moments where it crashes in on me that, yes, this is not a temporary situation, it’s forever and it knocks me for six. I’m dreading this year and all the ‘firsts’. I’m even dreading the spring (usually my favourite season) as there’s no David to organise the garden with. I can hardly bare to look at the garden now. He used to make it look so nice. Big cuddle to you. Jean x.
Hi. Yes. Not just six months but every anniversary no matter how insignificant it may seem. My lovely wife, Bev died a year ago this coming Wednesday, the 8th February and I am feeling worse now than that first day without her… I am having bereavement counselling and keeping busy but nothing can fill the massive void she has left behind. I wish I could tell you that it gets easier but in my experience it doesn’t , so we soldier on. I believe that one day we will be together again, somehow, somewhere. In the meantime try and remember the good times, talk to him, laugh at your own mistakes and be kind to yourself.
I’m feeling so much pain for you. I’m at the three month mark and all I feel is despair. It’s like I’m looking in on someone else’s life. I’m going about my daily business but it’s not me. It surreal. I hate life at the moment. I too am waiting for my husband to come back but then the reality kicks in and the pain is excruciating. People say that we will get there. We won’t forget but that it will get easier to bear. I’m just hoping they’re right. Sending all hope and hugs to you. Let’s be brave together and walk this journey together. Please take care. 
God bless you.
@Wyn1. Your post could have been written by me. I’m at three months today and I’m having a really bad one. I’m so sorry for your loss and pain x. Jean.
I have my husbands ashes and feel the same as you i look at his casket and makes me so sad and i start crying knowing thats all there is left of him
I’m so sorry for your loss too Jean. It’s such a strange existence without them. Everything seems meaningless. I know we should maybe say something more positive to each other but it’s just so hard to deal with I just want it to stop hurting so much. Lots of love to you.
Hello Sue. Ive my husbands ashes too. They’re in the living room with me. I do get comfort from them but stupidly I wander why he doesn’t send me a sign or respond to me. There’s nothing. I’m so miserable and miss him beyond words. Sending all my best wishes to you.
I thought having my husband ashes would help like you i wander why he doesn’t send me a sign when i sit and talk to him it hurts so much when talking to him and not hearing his voice talking back to me we always used to talk alot when he was here with me best wishes to you
I know exactly what you’re saying. All I’m doing is living in the past with him. The reality of no future with him I just can’t come to terms with.