It’s 6 weeks since my lovely Dad left me. I was in so much pain at the beginning but it lifted a few days after the funeral and I’ve been doing ok (which I thought was a bit odd) until this last week. I’m ok I suppose but I just get little reminders of him. His phone number being cancelled then I hear a song of his on my playlist.
I know it’s only early days but I feel like I’m going backwards
My 15 year old suffers with anxiety and has missed loads of school and I’d always talk to my Dad about it and he’d make me feel better. That doesn’t happen anymore
Hi it’s reassuring to know that the initial pain started to lift after the funeral. It’s only been 10 days since I lost my dad and it feels like it’s just happened today. The pain is too much. I guess the reminders are always going to be there I suppose maybe we can learn to smile at the reminders
I idolised my dad all my life, he was the best dad a girl could ask for. He was my best mate, my rock and also kept me on a level if I got a bit big for my boots.
I miss him so much. I’ve had an irrational fear of losing my parents since I can remember and I really thought I would be in bed for weeks and not able to function but you do don’t you. I’ve been a lot better than I thought I would be but I was prepared as he was given the terminal diagnosis a month before he died and he’d always been a realist. He spoke openly about dying as his family all died much younger than him (he was 77). He was a remarkable man you know and I’m so happy he was my dad.
The day after the funeral was horrendous but I was terribly hungover so I know that didn’t help. I told myself a few days later that I had to get on with things and the pain lifted but the sadness is always there.
Do you have family you can talk to? I don’t really get on with my half brother (on my mums side). My mum died in January so we have nothing to link us anymore. My friends have been great and my fella.
Dear Parrot09,
Yes, talking and crying does help. You will probably find that there are days when you feel like going backwards, but It think it is just a normal process that some days we feel the pain and sadness a lot more than on other days. It’s a bit like climbing a mountain, where sometimes you go down a bit, before going up again, but all the time you are moving forward. Your relationship with your dad sound a lot like the one I had with my dad and I can so understand how much you miss him. It must be hard for your son as well. Our son was 16 when my dad died and 17 when my mum died. Both times we informed the school and they offered him some counselling sessions. Maybe that could be an option for your son too? Sometimes at that age they find it easier to talk with a stranger rather than with their mum.
Jo
He hasn’t been to school since dad died (well he did about 2 days). He’s slipped into a depression. Sleep pattern out of sync. I’m trying my best to get him back into a routine and to get him to school. He’s always been like this but it’s just harder to get him out of it this time.
School have offered counselling and the doctor has referred him too. But he won’t talk to anyone. He just texts me to say he feels sad and wants to die!! I feel helpless.
Dear Parrot09,
Do try to get al the help you can get. As mothers, we can feel so helpless when we see our children struggle. Sometimes the best we can do is to keep loving the, and letting them know we love them, and do all the practical things we can for them such as providing them with food, even if they do not want to come out of their room, It is worrying that he says he wants to die. This could either be a cry for help, or something he is considering. Do your GP and the school (in particular the person responsible for Safeguarding) know about this? If not, I would urge you to let them know and keep asking for their advice. You could also consider phoning the Samaritans. If he likes texting, that may be a good way for you to text him a link to a helpline for young people. Again, school or GP should be able to give you some links. I have looked o the internet for some articles for parents on how to help teenagers with anxiety and depression. I found 2 that you may find helpful, one is american, the other british:
Thank you. I’ve text him all the links and I rang the gp and let the school know. I’ve been on so many parenting courses over the years. He won’t accept any help
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved Dad. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment.
I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.
I am concerned that you are not only coping with the loss of your Dad, but the depression your child is experiencing.
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling
I would also suggest you contact The NSPCC, you can contact them on help@nspcc.org.uk, and 0808 800 5000. They help adults that are concerned for the welfare of a child. They will also be able to signpost you towards Childline. Your child can access their website online, where they offer support for a child experiencing depression. They also have Instagram and Facebook, where your child could read and be part of a community, with children experiencing a variety of issues, that are troubling them
I would also consider contacting the Samaritans, you can find them on - helpline: 116 123, jo@samaritans.org.
