I’m sat here crying my heart out going over & over the day Phil was taken from me. I am thankful that I got to the hospital when I did but what I had to see him go through will haunt me forever. He couldn’t breath & his lips had no colour in them & he had lost all his strength. They told me he was having a panic attack but you don’t die from a panic attack. Every Sunday at this time i go back over it again & again & again. He didn’t get his angel wings till the early hours of Monday morning but they had him sedated & he didn’t know I was there so to me I lost him that Sunday afternoon. I will miss him forever. 
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Net65, they say crying is good for you, I still cry and I am a lot further down this road of grief. It is early days but honestly you will find there is a light at the end of this tunnel just not full beam. My soulmate also left on a Sunday so I fully understand how you feel. Keeping busy as always helped but we are all different. Don’t be hard on yourself but do what feels right for you. Take care of yourself sending hugs and blessings. S xxx
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Oh Net my heart goes out to you I feel your pain it is just awful how we loss our love ones and we do go over it all as you say I lost my husband suddenly year ago next week I still don’t believe it has happened when we sitting alone at home and they are not with us that makes it real I don’t know how I’m still here and have managed these past year like us all on here going through it we do some how I hope you can find the strength to get through the days ahead they say day by day but the pain is like no other so I feel for you I am not good with words just want you to know I am hear for you if that is any help talking to each other who know the pain helps have to remember all the memories we made although it hurts life has been very cruel my thoughts are with you take care xx
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Thank you Susie & Rose
I just had to write it down as I am really struggling today. I am lucky that both mine & Phil’s family have all been there for me but it’s so hard to tell them how I feel because they are hurting too. The replies I get on here really do help & I can’t thank you enough. Its just so sad that we are all having to go through this. Life is so unfair. xxx
Hi Net65,
I can relate to what you say, it’s so painful.
It’s almost 6 months since my soulmate passed away very suddenly and every Saturday morning I relive the awful events of that day.
I never got a chance to say goodbye, I still cry every day, life can be so cruel.
On Tuesday it will be one year since we moved into this house and this time last year we were so excited to start a new chapter in our lives, but Pete died 6 months and two days after we moved in.
I miss him so much and hate life without him.
It’s still very raw for you and I’m sure you can’t imagine a time when you will feel okay but you will find it a little easier to cope as time goes on, I really didn’t think I would ever smile again but somehow we learn to live with the grief.
Sending you a hug
Muldool
Thank you Muldool. XXX 
I feel your pain I lost my husband of 30 years in hospital too on April 5th I was with him the day before he was I a terrible state not my Steve at all he passed early hours on the 6th after being sedated. We had his funeral last Wednesday he’s home now and in the shelf, but I find I don’t have any purpose to carry on but the doctor says it’s normal, how can it be when you feel your stomachs been ripped out
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Hi Sue
My heart goes out to you as I know just how your feeling. No words will ever truly describe the pain we are having to go through. Each day is a struggle & it just gets harder.
I too feel like I don’t have any purpose to carry on & dread having to get out of bed every morning.
Sending big hugs
Net xxx
I agree it is a struggle and does not get any easier
Hope you all find the strength to deal with the day
Xx