7 months and still so sad

It is now 7 months since my husband died and I still feel desperately sad. I went to a birthday party yesterday and I felt so alone as all the other guests were in couples, and although they were all friendly to me I came home and cried . Life is so hard without your soulmate.

13 Likes

So sorry to hear about the lost of your Husband, i lost my Husband 4 months ago i find going out with friends so hard as they still have their husbands i find myself crying when i get home after being with them i also feel alone while with them i miss my husband being apart of what we did together i have got to the stage where i do not want to be around them as when i am they are always moaning about their husbands i would do anything to have my husband back with me

8 Likes

I feel exactly the same , and I don’t know how to cope with this awful sadness… until it happens to you you have no idea how it feels and can be so lonely in a crowd and so very sad when you come home to an empty house. Maybe it eases with time.

5 Likes

Yes its so hard to lose your soulmate i so hope it eases with time do not know how my life will ever be the same without my husband and like you say it can be so lonely in a crowd

4 Likes

@Unforgettable
It has been nearly 10 months for me and I can’t face going out to an evening do or theatre yet so don’t beat yourself up that you are finding it hard. Any events when it is mostly couples is bound to be painful and emotional.
Hugs xxx

4 Likes

It’s almost two years for me and I know that feeling all too well. We have a big family lunch this weekend and again I’ll be on my own without my darling John. My sons and their families will be there also John’s sister and her family. John loved it when we were altogether but coming back to an empty house always kills me. I’ve tried so hard and come so far since that awful day but sometimes it all comes rushing back and it feels like day one. I just have to plod on and take each day as it comes batting away this sadness as much as I can.

Much love to you all. None of us deserve this pain but afraid we’re stuck with it.

Georgina

12 Likes

It is nearly 7 months since my husband suddenly and unexpectedly died and i still can’t believe it. Our life together feels like a dream or a film someone else was in and not me. I keep crying and the pain is dreadful (although not as excruciatingly debilitating as those first few weeks). I distract myself with Netflix and mix with others on occasions but I don’t know if there is something wrong with me - is this normal greiving or not? How do you know if you have complicated grief or a grief disorder?

7 Likes

Hi @Jsg
I don’t know anything about the terms used around grief and don’t want to as I don’t find them helpful. I would say anything is normal as grief has no pattern to it. As soon as you start to believe you have something more complex I’m sure that can have a negative impact on you. I was once told that how you are feeling now is how you are meant to be feeling. I find that so much more useful as I know I have better days and worse days. Or even better moments and worse moments as I can change over the day depending on what I am doing.

An important thing is to value yourself and what you still have to offer so you can see a purpose to life. We have all lost our raison d’etre so we need to find a new purpose. Some of us have that built in to our lives with children and / or grandchildren, animals, in my case keeping my husbands farmland and home together. Whatever you find will help you - not all the time but at least a motivation to do things.

Sending love
Karen xxx

8 Likes

One thing I can say for certain there is no timetable with grief. There’s not a certain way to feel or a specific time frame. Grief is just an all encompassing feeling that wraps itself around you and you feel there is no escape. After a certain period of time it releases you a bit and there are some better days and you will begin to breathe again without so much pain. It’s been 20 months for me and most days I feel ok and get on with the life I have left but other days they are dark and I feel
I’m back to square one. That’s grief for you it never lets you go but sometimes it releases you a little bit and give you a chance to move forward - baby steps.

I hope this helps. I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who knows exactly what I’m saying.

BIG hugs to all
Georgina

8 Likes

I know exactly what you’re saying and it’s an excellent way of describing it. @Jsg i agree with the others. There’s no right or wrong way to feel when you’re grieving but I understand you completely. I mix with others, do my jigsaws, watch television (love a good drama). I’ve often said to my adult children that I think there’s something wrong with me. But then a tidal wave of grief washes over me and I’ll cry and cry and the pain is horrendous. I actually find myself clutching my stomach sometimes. I’m so very sorry for your loss. Keep posting and reading on the forum. We’ve all found it so helpful though sad that there is so much pain and suffering around. As @KarenF said, however you are feeling is how you should be feeling. Big cuddle to you. Jean.

4 Likes

@Georgie15
What a brilliant description and explains what happens to me so well. There are times when I am doing ok then there are those other times.
Thank you. xxx

2 Likes

I lost my husband suddenly 3 months ago, and life is very hard. I attended a large family gathering and his name was not mentioned once, I was heartbroken. I know they were maybe wary of upsetting me but it seemed that he was forgotten already.

3 Likes

@G2Gx
I had that happen to me when I went out with a meal with some friends. I only knew them through him as they had been his friends first of all.
I mentioned him a lot but they didn’t continue with any of those conversations. It felt so wrong but I think, as you said, they were trying not to upset me plus the men, who were two of his closest friends, possibly didn’t want to get upset in public.

We’ll certainly keep talking about our loved ones.
Hugs xxx

2 Likes

Thank you for your kind comments. I am experiencing the same thing regarding people not talking about Brian and i feel as if everyone had gone forward in their lives and forgotten whilst i am left behind frozen in time - it really hurt me that his brother and Best friend didn’t notice the 6 month mark ( my sister did i am glad to say). I pepper my conversation with mentions of Brian but as some of you have mentored no one else recopricates and as a result i feel as if i am artificially injecting him into things. It feels as if no one else cares he isn’t here anymore except me and i think this adds to the sureal feelings i have.

I met Brian through an introducion agency which one of my friends told me she has just joined. I thought this insensitive (she could have joined and not told me) until she was telling me about her initial conversation with the staff and that they said to remind me i have lifetime membership so can rejoin without a joining fee - I thought this even more insensitive, again she didn’t need to tell me.

2 Likes

It will get less painfull but will always be with you you just learn to live with it 4years for me now still very lonely but your body copes you get good at putting on your happy face outside but inside is a different thing

2 Likes

@Unforgettable
Hello
I have lost my partner just over 5 monts ago and I know how you are feeling, i.e. fereling lonely, left out when you join a birthday etc. where everybody is there with a partner etc. I am certain everyone on this forum is experiencing the same as you . My idea was to ask people on this forum who live in London or Harrow to meet up for a coffee, drink, musical, rock concert etc. As we are all going through bereavement, this is bound to cheer us up a little bit. I don’t know where you live but if you live in London or Harrow maybe we can start a group of people wanting to improve things a bit and go out together now and then. If you live so.ewhere else, maybe you can ask people from your area.
Love,
ROSE6

Unfortunately i am in the Midlands otherwise would have come along. Hopefully some of the people in the forum are in your area x

2 Likes

I hope so too! Lots of people on the forum seem to come from The North.