Maybe given the circumstances you could say I’m doing okay, I think I’m just surviving. Probably need to give myself more credit for that.
Surviving is hugely motivated by the fact my Mum sacrificed for me, nurtured me and loved me, she protected my life and I am trying to honour that by carrying on but wow it is hard.
It feels like I’m living with a knife in my heart, some days I can do stuff despite it being stuck in there and some days all I can do is panic, cry, fight it and wish someone would rip it out so this pain could end.
My birthday is this month… how do you have a birthday without the person who created you?
Thank you so much for sharing this with the community I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
Reading your post almost felt as though I had written it myself!
I lost my beautiful Mum almost 5 months ago, and my birthday is on the 25th August .
I completely understand how you feel about birthdays… I turn 40 this year… I never thought for a long time that I’d see in my 40s without my Mum. We both never liked birthdays much, celebrating anyway… my Mum would text me every year just before 12pm or just past midnight as I was born at that time on the 25th August (24th really…. But that’s a long story)
Whats your Mums name? What would she have done to mark your birthday?
The pain is something we manage to survive with… as you say we are surviving… but all I know is that I need to make my life as fruitful as possible and make my Mum proud - she raised a strong and adventurous woman and I plan on staying that way for as long as I live, for her.
My Mum’s name is Dawn, I actually have a tattoo at the top of my back of a geometric imagine of the sun at dawn. I had it done when Mum was in the hospice so she saw it and it was her favourite out of the 5 I had done for her. It’s mine too.
Me and Mum would have had a shopping day and gotten food, had a right adventure staying out as long as possible x
Out of the ones I have I think she would like the teacup the most
Have you got any plans for your birthday Stardust? Do you have family you can share your day with?
I’m heading away for the weekend with my sister after stressing and poring over what to do. I just didn’t want to be stuck at home, with nothing to distract me. The day will be quite difficult emotionally so I needed a plan of sorts. So we’re heading off on an adventure. To Cornwall too. Somewhere my Mum always wanted to go with her sister.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
