7 Months On...

which is still a short amount of time but it doesnt serm to get any easier. Losing my dad has been overwhelmingly painful. I feel like Im living the same day over and over, I started a new job last week and everyone is very nice but I have a hard time conversing with them. This never used to be a problem before everything that happened but now I find what used to come naturally and confidently is now unbelievably difficult.
Some songs came on the radio today that I associate with my dad and I had to concentrate very hard on not bursting into tears. I am grateful that I got to spend the whole of lockdown with him and was there in his final days which is more than some people got wit their loved ones from the comments I have read on here, but it diesnt seem to mske the process easier.
We used to play a lot of golf before he became ill and even though I carried on when he stopped on my own or with a friend, even though he could no longer play I knew he was still here, now he’s gone I can’t bear to play as it upsets me so much. Councilling helps a little but as others have mentioned here, no one really understands until they experience the crippling effects of it for themselves.
The other thing Ive noticed is since his passing how preoccupied you become with mortality, before you lose someone close to you its just a vague slightly abstract thing and then after, it comes roaring to life. Ive read here how some peoole have lost both parents and are at a complete loss. My mother is the same age as my father was and the thought of that is terrifying but it wasnt something I would have considered at all before. Seeing people go off for an enjoyable carefree weekend when you constantly feel terrible is the worst Sorry for rambling on just felt I needed to get it down on the page. I hope you all have a good weekend.

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Hi Matt2,

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Starting a new job not long after a major bereavement is quite a big event. I think it is very normal that things you found easy before now seem to be a lot harder. Grief can change us and our perspective on things. Over time our ‘old self’ may come back, or we may develop a ‘new self’. I found that after the deaths of my parents my motivation at work for example was not the same, and sometimes I did not want to be around lots of people having small talk. My mind was still too much on losing them. As time went on, I was more able to concentrate and enjoy things again and you will probably find the same.

You mention golf and that at the moment you cannot bear to play it. I can understand that. My dad and I used to like to play a particular card game with two other family members. After his death, they wanted to play it so I agreed but I felt so sad playing it that I decided the next time they asked I would say no. Now, a few years later, I would be quite happy to play this game again.

Thinking about our own mortality after losing someone is I think a very natural thing to do, and not necessarily a bad thing. It can make us more appreciative of who we still have in our life, and change our priorities.

I hope it helped you to put your thougts on paper. Do keep using this site, it is a good place to come for support. Jo

Hi Matt2,
Like you I have been thinking about mortality (though I try not to) a lot since my wife passing. Thanks for sharing because it has helped me realise that others are having the same nightmare thoughts, I hope in time both our pain may lessen and that everyone here can find peace in our hearts even if they are broken. This forum for me is a big help, although very sad I feel a sense of togetherness and thank you all here for the beautiful words written by people.
I feel very alone as it was just me and my wife so being on here is something that resonates in me. I truly wish we can all move forward and have some peace, to be able to smile again and look back with fondness and love.

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