This looks like a supportive community so I’ll give it a try. My husband was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in July 2023. He fought hard at home right up to when he passed on Christmas Eve. One week later his mum sadly passed away, I’m sure from a broken heart.
8 months on when I’ve done all the organising for them both and moved home, now it’s really taking its toll. It’s just me and my 14 yo daughter and no matter where we go or what we do nothing feels right. Struggling to find any happiness or enjoyment.
We both felt like he’d be proud of how well we muddled through, but it seems to get harder as each month passes by.
I take my strength from him. He gave it a bloody good fight and I’m so proud of him for it and want to honour him by keeping strong. I’m just drained and feeling somewhat broken.
sorry for your loss my husband died 11 weeks ago of lung cancer and he also fought as hard as he could but he had different cancers over the years and his body just gave up and i feel with his illness we lost davy a few months before but yes it is hard and we keep going but i do feel in time we will get their to a more settled place but not yet
Hi @Clara398
I’m so sorry that you lost your husband and find yourself here.
It sounds like you’ve been doing a remarkable job and had so much to deal with - he would have been proud of you both I am sure.
I’m only 5 months in and like you it feels like it gets harder as time goes by. My husband also diagnosed with cancer and died within 5 months at only 56, and I have teenage kids at home too.
It is so hard and mostly unbearable - I’m sorry I haven’t anything more helpful to share with you. I am hoping that time and some hard work will get me through and hopefully you will find this too.
Keep posting on here - I find it helps to get it all out and know that you are not alone and there are lots of others here who feel similar, but can also offer some support and kindness. Look after yourself and your daughter.
Hope you get some rest tonight
Sending a virtual hug and some strength for you both xxx
That’s so kind, thank you
I promised him and myself I wouldn’t live in a state of chaos. The things you say!!
I am so incredibly grateful to have had the time to share memories together and talk about the future which I know many people don’t get, and my heart sincerely goes out to them.
Wishing you all the best. My husband was 54 and it’s hard to pick up and carry on. I think starting new routines is hard, I kinda feel guilty?!
Any thoughts on “rebuilding” will be gratefully welcomed. I tried counselling a few times but I don’t find it helpful so far.
Rebuilding is something I still need to get my head around.
I get counselling from the hospice where he passed but I’m not sure that it helps. A friend asked what I was looking for from it and I’m not sure. It doesn’t take away the pain. What I really want is just someone to look into the future and tell me it really does get easier and that I can manage to build something that is ok.
I haven’t gone back to work yet and not sure I will, as I work in quite a stressful job with teenagers with metal health difficulties.
Would like to do something different but just don’t know what the moment.
I suppose I’m trying to work that all out - but my damned emotions keep getting in the way and I can’t think straight very often.
Would be very grateful also if anyone can shed a light on how to “start anew” on your own.
Xx
I am only 8 weeks in to this nightmare , but I do realise a few things. Rebuilding I think will only start once the loss is fully accepted in your mind, hence I am miles off been in that state if ever, but would like to think in the future it’s possible.
I hope that sometime I can look back and realise we had good times great children and that I can do that with out the anguish I feel today then perhaps I will be in a state where rebuilding can start
I understand how you feel. Things have got worse since my husband died 10 months ago. I cry all the time and havevnow been diagnosed with depression. Feel scared when i look to the future. How do we cope with this when on your own
I wish I knew. It’s hard enough getting through each day. When a problem crops up it becomes intolerable. No sounding board to discuss things with, no support. Just us, alone and having to make decisions.
We all know, and tell each other that this is a roller coaster. But even knowing that, it’s still a shock when you’re at the bottom.
I know that the shock of this will dissipate gradually, I have been here before. The trouble is I can’t remember how long it took, and I still can’t believe that it’s happened again.
I got cross with my daughter this morning and that’s made me feel guilty. I got her up, showered her, made her breakfast and packed lunch. Changed her again, sat her down at the table to write up her logbook she takes with her to the day centre. She signed that she needed changing and I had to shower her all over again. Now I have another load of washing. Sorry if this is Too Much Information. Learning disability, physical disability, autism, challenging behaviour and incontinence equals bloody hard work.
Some very wise person recently said to me when I asked that exact question,how can you re-build something when half the bricks have gone,she said it’s a new build.
Such wise words @Steve123
5 months in and I feel like I should have some idea of what life will look like going forward.
But now I think about it that is completely ridiculous. I’m nowhere near to integrating my loss and I think that will take me years to do - so why am I trying to rush things??
I’ve always been a planner so looking ahead is my norm. I likely need to adapt to being more in the moment and accepting that life will never be the same again.
I hope we all do get there at some point - we just have to weather the storm meantime.
Hope today is better for all today xxx
Hi ciara. So sorry for your loss. My husband died suddenly 2 weeks ago cardiac arrest. There were no goodbyes. We have a 13 year old daughter. Its the most horrific pain in my heart and feels like an elephant us dotting on my chest. No one understands except those who have been through it. We have come to malta on the family holiday and i am really struggling. We done alot of travelling together. But then i camt bear to be in the house. All our family are either in ireland or new zealand. I know its early days but its a struggle. Mum died 6 yrs ago but this is a whole different level
My condolences to you and your daughter.
You have both been on a long and painful journey through illness and loss. It’s ok to rest sometimes and just breathe. You’re doing your best. Wishing you both courage hope, comfort and love.
GMC sorry for your loss
my wife to had. C Aresst it was sudden I was there just collapsed and gone no goodbye, but at least in here case no pain she was gone in under 1 min.
I understand you can not have it all, but ohh the pain so so bad.
