8 months since mum passed away

It’s been 8 months today since my mum passed away.This is only my first time losing anyone.If anyone has just lost a parent and this is only my experience of it and everyone’s different but it is starting to feel a bit less raw and I feel like things aren’t as dark as they have been.It is starting to get easier.The emotional pain is less and the emotional pain has felt like a physical pain.I

I wrote this poem just to help me get through today.

Never forgotten

The day you was gone I thought I’d be ok.

A wave took over me and swept me away.

I didn’t know I would feel this way.

The hurt and the pain I feel it each day.

The happy memories are fading but you’ll never be forgotten.

you taught me to be strong and I feel you with me each day.

Life will never be same.

I wish I could be with you but I have to stay.

Dear StarHeart,

Thank you for sharing your poem with us. I am pleased to read that you are finding things a bit easier now than in the first weeks and months after your mum passed away. I lost my mum 3 years ago in September. Someone on here wrore that time does not heal, but that it does help. I think I agree with that. We will always miss our mum, and I think there will still be days when a wave of sadness suddenly hits us, but it is nothing like in those first few weeks and months.

Thank you and I’m sorry for your loss.This community has helped a lot.In the beginning I just didn’t feel like I’d ever be ok again but time does help.It is a heartbreak you can never describe.Sometimes there are no words.

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Sorry for ur loss,
It’s been nearly 8 months for my mam aswell. I lost her out the blue, she wasn’t unwell. Here one day gone the next she was 62. We were so so close, I miss her terrible and most of all the bond that we shared. No one knew me like my mam, no one will ever love me as much as she did! People were saying to me…it gets easier in time, u learn to live with it, I don’t want to move on though. I don’t want to forget her, move on get on with everything in life like it’s ok, because it’s not. Time is not getting easier, got a good few hard months ahead of me. My mam lost her mam 14 years ago, then she passed herself 5 days after nans memory. My mam never got over loosing her mam, I don’t think I will either xx

All I want to do is feel close to my mam…some kind of connection with her. When she first died I was having dreams about her a few times a week, then it was once a week then haven’t had one for a good while. There was 2 types of dream I had, I could tell the difference between a dream about my mam and a “visitation” dream. When she not long passed again I could hear her talking to me on my head…answering my questions like lightening etc gave me a bit comfort. I thought it was my brain playing tricks with grief, spiritual believers say it was my Mam talking to me. It’s not happened for a while. Who knows what to believe xx

Hi Emmab136
Your feelings are exactly the Same as mine I want to feel close to my mum too, I lost her in July this year and have struggled every day with my thoughts and emotions soon after she passed I felt so lost I’ve not had any dreams of mum other than a very short one were I was covering her up in bed that was it nothing else, I heard her say my name when I was a sleep one morning and it woke me and I really thought she would have been standing in the room, other things happened early on when she passed but for a good couple of months now ive had nothing it’s so hard isn’t it, no one can prepare you for this grief of losing a loved one and I know part of me died with her and I’ll never be that person I was, all i want to know is that shes ok, I’m starting counselling in November so hoping that will help, my thoughts are with you & I’m here when you need a chat
Lynn x

Thank you.Im so sorry for the loss of your mum.I didn’t know who I was after my mother died because a part of me died with her too.I never thought I’d ever get through this year.It doesn’t get easier with time but for me time does help because life carrys on whether you want it to or not and it does help maybe not at the beginning but later on.I didn’t have dreams about my mother until a couple of months ago but I rarely remember them.Im not really religious I believe in something and I think it’s good to believe in something whatever that is.I hope my mother’s at peace it’s hard because we never get the answer to that question x

Im so sorry for the loss of your mum.That must have been so hard losing her out of the blue like that.I don’t think we ever get over losing our mum’s.My questions always been why now? when I need her the most she’s just gone.It still kills me waking up in the morning and this is my life.I would do anything to have her back.I do hate all the cliches as well.They don’t help even when people are just being kind and don’t know what to say.My mother’s mother is still alive but my mother isn’t.I do not understand why and it will never make sense to me.xx

I’m the same and it is so so hard. You are all right, a part of me went with my mam when she went. It was such a massive shock. I was going round to mams at tea time like always but lunch time I had a really horrible feeling, like felt like heart burn …burning down my chest and my windpipe. A thought did cross my mind …what happens if something bad has happened to Mam (surely she would ring if she was in trouble or feeling unwell) , so I thought she was ok . The worst did flash through my mind but something told me not to go round and I was scared I’d never had a feeling like that before. Then dad rang 5pm with the awful call when he got home, I went straight round. I felt so guilty she’d gone on her own and thought bk to lunch time those feelings were a sign. I beat myself up about it for months feeling guilty …the way she went there wouldn’t of been anything I could do but still. Dad and everyone said I wasn’t ment to be the finder, that she wouldn’t want that for me. Wouldn’t of want me to see her like that. I lay in bed every night saying goodnight to her saying how much I love and miss her, at the same time my brain still can’t believe it. Thanks for listening to me xx

Thanks Lynn
I haven’t had any dreams for a while but when u get them, u will know the difference between a “visitation” and just a dream about them. The first dreams I had she never spoke then dream after dream she spoke more. The last dream I had visitation was on an afternoon, I was upset. I went to bed cried myself to sleep and had a visitation. I felt much better when I woke up. Xx

Hi Emma
I’m sorry for the loss of your mum. It must have been hard losing her so suddenly and at such a young age. My mum died in April and we too were very close. We were told that she had cancer and was terminally ill 3 weeks prior to her death. She’d only been ill since January. She was 80, so a good age. But we were very close and since my divorce and my dad’s death in 2007 went on holiday together every year. In 2013 I moved back to my home town to be near her. Its so hard isn’t it?

I was doing well til this week when my nephew’s wife cancelled a visit. They’ve got 2 young children who I haven’t seen for 2 years. I don’t think I’ll ever see them again. I’m heartbroken. I couldn’t sleep til 3am the day I got the message as I was so upset. I suggested that I could go to see them the following weekend on either the Sat or Sun, or even go and see them this Sun,cbut they’re busy. They’re always too busy to see me.

She told me when I said I’d dearly love to see the children that I was welcome at their house anytime. But now I think they’re just empty words and meaningless. I’ve bought the children Christmas presents and a birthday present for their son whose birthday is at the end of Nov. But I’m tempted to give them to charity. What’s the point of going to the cost of posting them when I’m never going to see the children again.

I feel like when I lost mum I lost my family too. People say that I’m a lovely person, so why am I being treated so cruelly? Don’t my feelings matter?

Hi sue

Me and my mam were really close. I was her carer as she had mobility problems which she had quite a few years. We spoke every day, I could tell her anything at all and I knew she’d understand. We had our holidays every year for past 10 years I’m so glad we did as I have the photos and the memories. She always told me to take photos to look back on.
Sorry to hear ur nephews wife is being like that with u, that’s awful. It’s not fair on the children either her being like that. Keep the gifts uve got for them because that’s very kind and thoughtful of u. The gifts will be there when u do see them eventually. Or even post them…I know ur saying u might not see them again but kids remember things and they’ll remember the gifts that u got for them. That they were off u and although they hadn’t seen u (if that’s the case) then uve still been kind enough to buy the gifts and post them. Families are funny things after a death of a person, u get some people who are the glue and bond of the family then as soon as they’re gone the dynamics change. I don’t have any family just my dad and my dogs. My dogs been amazing in keeping my going and a comfort to me. Sounds awful but obviously I get my hard down days I just count down the days, each day gone Is a day I’m closer to seeing my mam again. Always hear to talk sue xx

Thank you so much for your kind words. It’s good to know that I’ve got someone to talk to who understands.

Take care.