I lost my ex-husband 7 months ago and I still can’t believe he’s gone. We’d known each other for 25 years and had both moved on from our divorce with new partners, but we were still best friends. He was 57 when he was diagnosed with cancer and was dead within 8 weeks. It hit our only son hard, but he seems to be accepting it better than me. I keep being told “You’re the ex-wife. Get over it!” I would but we were unable to go to his funeral as his partner just had him cremated without any warning. There was no goodbye which hurts me as we’d spoken every day. He even told me he was ill before he told her. I keep waiting for the phone to ring. I love my partner, but can’t tell him how much I miss my ex-husband and my son doesn’t want to talk about his dad. I miss Den so much. Even writing his name makes me cry
You are entitled to grieve for whoever you like, and your grief will be as long and as deep as you need it to be. “Get over it!” is an ignorant and unhelpful comment. You dont mention anyone who will talk and listen to you, that’s extremely important you do that. Every time you talk about him, the good memories will become stronger, driving out the grief. Of course you can talk to us, but that’s not as good as talking to real people who understand and care. Have you thought of joining a local bereavement group, who feel the same, and will listen to you over tea and biscuits?
Sorry, I forgot to welcome you to our group, who will totally understand where you are coming from!
Thank you. I feel as if I’m not allowed to grieve. People think divorce is the end of a relationship and that I should respect my new partner. My partner is genuinely the love of my life and he knows that Den and I divorced amicably. I even helped him fill in his divorce papers! I’m smiling at that stupid memory now. We’d become like brother and sister, so felt a deep connection, especially as we had our son together. Losing him has broken me and I know he’d be cross at my grief. He’d say “You silly moo, we’re not married anymore remember!” I feel stuck between letting him go and not believing he’s gone