Hi Everyone,
I’m new to this so I apologise if I’ve got it wrong.
I lost my husband in August last year to Alcoholism, in the beginning I had friends to turn to but now I feel I can’t talk to them about my huge sadness because I think I might come across as boring, I cry everyday, I feel like I can’t keep control of my life, they say ‘you’ve got your memories’ and yes I have, but they can’t replace him, I’m tired of making all the decisions although I know I have to, someone even suggested I join a dating site, I dont think so, there’s absolutely no way I would ever consider it, my hubby was my childhood secret crush ( we lived 2 doors apart) he meant the world to me!
When people ask how I am, I just reply ‘I’m ok’ as its easier than explaining why I’m not, I just feel so lost without him.
Julia
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Hello Julia,
I’m so very sorry for the loss of your husband.
All of us on here who have lost someone like you have will identify entirely with your feelings and your heartache.
I’m sure your friends won’t find you boring, but I understand why you’d feel like that. We can’t just suddenly be ok after such a major loss.
Reading other people’s posts on this site will help you and you’ll realise that unfortunately there are so many of us in this sad situation.
It’s hard having to make all the decisions, it’s hard waking up alone each day and having to carry on without them. I find it hard even now after 15 months.
I feel ok today but I’ve had a few “down days” this week, I don’t cry necessarily, just feel deeply, deeply sad and feel my darling husband’s loss so profoundly.
Whoever it was who suggested you join a dating site obviously doesn’t know you very well!
Be kind to yourself, rest when you want to, as this grief journey is exhausting. You will feel lost without him Julia, but talking to others on this site will help you.
Take care, sending love
Janey xx
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Hi Janey,
Thank you, your words mean a lot, I’ve just been reading some of the posts on here, I can relate to them so much, it makes me feel that I’m normal and how I’m feeling right now, well its ok!
Julia x
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Yes, it is ok and you will have good days and bad days, but you’re not alone!
Janey xx
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Janey, I’m beginning to realise this! Julia x
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Hi Julia,
I’m so sorry about your husband, it’s hard isn’t it.
I’ve just had one of those melt down moments today, and what I love about this site, someone always hears your cry and responds.
A couple of my friends have also lost their partners and I find them easier to talk to as they just get. I think it’s just we are afraid of getting a bad response if we keep talking about our husbands, and of course that’s all we want to do it talk about them. Remember the past and smile about the happy times you shared together.
How unfeeling to suggest joining a dating site.
“I’m okay” I think is the reply most of us give, it’s just easier than the real answer.
Love Debbie X X
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Hi Debbie, saying we’re ok is so much easier than going through it all, everyone thinks I’m coping and I guess I am in a way, I get up, get dressed, feed my animals, feed myself, then try to keep busy, but underneath all of this, I never stop thinking about him, he’s the last person i think of at night and the first person I think of when I wake up
Julia x x
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I lost my wife in August last year also and I can say your not alone in how you feel ,many of the posts echo my feeling exactly seem to be drifting through life at the moment just trying to make sense of it all.
Be kind to yourselves and take one day at a time.
John
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I can resonate with you Julia - I too lost my partner in March to alcoholism 
I think about him 24/7 and am full of regret. So many should have’s. It’s also a lonely existence, you’re grieving for the love of your life yet due to the stigma of mental health/addiction people often think they “brought it on themselves” xxx
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