9 months today

My husband died 9 months ago today. I’ve had a very tearful day on my own. Whenever I think I’m beginning to cope the grief creeps up on me again and reduces me to a salty puddle. I have a very supportive family and good friends but the one person I want is the one I can’t have. I’m trying to build a new life but it’s so hard.

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Hi Grace. So sorry but I know how you feel I so wish I didn’t. I lost my husband almost 11 months ago to sudden cardiac arrest. The anxiety is overwhelming. I too think I am making progress. I have a good day and then wham the grief is all encompassing. When I am on my own it is worse. I try to surround myself with friends but I don’t have that many and it’s not always possible. We didn’t need anyone else and spent most of our time together. I am not the same jolly person I used to be. Initially I felt totally overwhelmed and could not see the point. The sadness is constant. I miss my husband so much. I have no confidence and feel scared if I think beyond today. The person I shared everything with has been ripped away and now it I instead of we. My heart is broken and will never mend x

So sorry for both your loss it is awful it’s 10 months now since I lost my husband suddenly as you say not the same person now and will never be we did most things together I am trying for the family but it’s had take care x

Thank you so much for responding. It’s comforting to be able to communicate with others who understand. Grief seems to be like a tsunami which comes and goes. When it strikes, it’s all consuming and then fades, leaving you thinking you’ll be ok for a while, and then Bam! - it gets you again. Just have to try to keep riding the storm.

Thanks for your reply. Grief is sneaky and creeps up just when you think you’re coping. I agree that it saps your confidence. I’ve been invited to events by well-intentioned friends and chickened out at the last moment. I was used to going out on my own because my husband wasn’t able to join in much as he grew older, and was very deaf which made socialising difficult for him, but this is different. I just don’t feel able to join in with much. I feel like a spare part.

Hi Grace

It’s been a year for me next month and it doesn’t get any easier does it. I have good days and bad but mostly sad :cry: and yes the grief seems to engulf you doesn’t it. Even when I have better days I then feel guilty for feeling better - we can’t win can we ? Keeping busy has saved me and the support of my sons and family around me. I tell myself they have lost their dad and our grandchildren their beloved grandad so it’s not all about me we are all suffering except they have their lives and I am left on my own.

Big hugs from me Grace :heart:

Hi Grace what you have wrote is so true i would not have a purpose if it was not for my son and grandchildren and daughter they have lost their dad and grandad which is so unfair they have there lives and each other so they have to carry on but we are left alone it is very different for us to find the strength to carry on with life when we have lost our love one I understand all your pain on here what we are going through no one else can unless they are going through it I am trying hard for them but it is horrible take care x

Thanks again for all the support. I try to remember that my husband wouldn’t want me to be miserable. I think it’s important to try to remember good memories but some days it’s like trying to push an elephant upstairs. However, a smile from my youngest grandson gives me such a lift and I smile back and resolve to carry on.

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I have to agree with what you saying his from my son telling me he can not cope with out me also and as you say hugs from grandsons telling me they love me priceless I feel for those that don’t have family it is worse for you I feel I find myself in here a lot lately talking helps so much not where we ever thought we would have need off is it we can get strength from each other still day by day can not think too far ahead xx

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