9 weeks without you after 32 years, 4 months and 5 days with you.
The agony of watching you suffer, both mentally and physically, haunts me.
I feel like all the light in my soul has gone out and it will stay dark in there for the rest of my life.
There is a deep sadness within me that I carry around every waking minute as I battle to carry on living.
I’m stuck somewhere between shock and grief and I’m not sure how much strength I have left 
I feel your pain and wish I had words to ease it. It’s 16 weeks for me without my dad, who has been my best friend since as far back as I can remember and I don’t know how to be in this life without him. Sending you love and so many hugs and strength for when you feel you don’t have any left. 
Sorry for your loss. I’m early in this journey myself and don’t have any wisdom I’m afraid. Sending much love and wishes. You’re amoungst people that understand.
I lost my dear mum in Nov 23 and wonderful dad in Jan 24. I miss them so much and my heart aches to see them and hear them again. Grief is very tough indeed.
Do you have support? I’m having counselling to help unpick the feelings.
Take care x
Hi @stardust2023
It’s not been quite that long since I lost my mam, your words were the words I could of easily wrote myself
A friend of mine has just texted how i was and I replied saying I’m just going through the motions, don’t care about anything, just feel like a zombie really. I really don’t know where I’m getting the strength to go on, im exhausted all the time.
I don’t mean to make you feel any worse than you are. Just that you’re not alone when you think you are
Take care
I have read some of your posts on here, my heart breaks for you having such huge losses so close together
I have just been able to put myself on the waiting list for Sue Ryder online therapy so thatll be about 2 or 3 months I think xx
Hi @stardust2023 I feel the exact same 
It’s like the world has lost its colour and a dark cloud has followed me around. My mum was so full of joy and laughter and now I feel lost and scared and joyless, like I’ll never be happy again.
I also find it so shocking she’s no longer here, even though she passed away while I held her hand. I guess it’s because as you said, we’ve had them for 32 years, so it’s so shocking and unbelievable they could no longer be with us.
I also agree with being haunted by watching my mum suffer. I had some grief therapy which helped me process some of it, but I still have nightmares and I can see and hear how distressing it all was, a bit like PTSD. Have you sought counselling?
It’s hard and I don’t know how we come to terms with being without them. I guess we just have to take things slowly, a day at a time. I light a candle in front of my mum’s picture every day and talk to her, smell her clothes, that helps me feel closer to her. But I also just have to distract myself a lot of the time or I’ll be in too much despair which makes me ill. I talk to other ppl and try and watch mindless TV to shut my brain off. It vaguely helps xx
I have just been able to put myself on the waiting list for Sue Ryder online therapy so thatll be about 2 or 3 months I think (I had to wait until the 2 month point before they’d put my name down.
I’m exactly the same with needing distraction. Its not to avoid thinking about my Mum, I think about her most of the time, it’s just that I’ll wear myself out and end up even more poorly if I don’t take myself some place else mentally for a bit each day.
Xxx
That’s exactly it, it can make you poorly if you don’t try and take your mind off it for a moment. It’s been 6 months now since I lost my mum, and I’ve never felt so run down and exhausted in all my life I can’t see when I’ll feel healthy again. A part of me knows though that this is just because I had/have such a wonderful Mum and I was blessed to have her, so of course I’m grieving this much because I love her so much. I’m sure it’s the same for you?
Take care x
@stardust2023 somehow you will find the strength to keep going. Grief is a tangled journey full of twists and turns. If you can accept that what you’re experiencing is part of the process eventually you’ll find a path through the darkness. Give it time, without expectations upon yourself. No doubt your Mum wouldn’t want you to suffer endlessly so keep on letting things move forward. Sending you best wishes xx
Hi @Rosiepink
I’d like to thank you for your post as I really needed to read words of encouragement. I’m starting to feel like I’m dipping my toe into “the real world”
I know I’ve got a long way to go but I feel I’ll eventually get there. Thanks again and take care 
I lost my mum August 2023, I had lived with my mum all my life and still live in the flat now. It’s not easy and every day is the same and like you I do think of my mum daily. It’s very hard losing a parent all the memories you got from childhood. So soul destroying!
Hi, I lost my mum a year ago in April so I am further on the grief rollercoaster than you. I to have horrific painful memories they come in flash backs and bring me to my knees even now. I am 35 years old and I have had to watch both my parents die of cancer in a awful cruel way. I wish I could tell you that you will start to see life in colour again or you will feel better but the true is I still don’t see it in colour and I still feel lost and scared like a little girl really however I will say that taking everything one hour at a time is my best advice because that hour will change into one day at a time and then it will turn into days try not to even think about the future because it’s to painful.i think of my mother every single day and it hurts like hell but I can go says now where I don’t cry and there are days where I cry all day and night but I have to embrace those days allow my self to cry and to feel the pain and know that tomorrow is a new day and it will be ok tomorrow never fully right but ok. I am not the same person I was and I don’t know where I’m supposed to go really I tell my self a lot grief is my price I pay for love and I am so grateful I had love and I had the time with her I did even if it wasn’t enough time but it would never have been enough time for me we never want to lose our mother we lose apart of us to when they go but we are still here we get to see another sun rise or a nother Christmas or what ever it is to get you by because our parents greatest wish is for us to live and be happy so in time I hope I can do that for her because that’s all as a parent my self I want it’s not about me it’s about my kids living. I’m sorry I don’t have any actual answers for you I have searched for answers my self someone to tell me it will be ok I will be me again but I hope my little advice will help you find comfort xxx
Mum died almost 8 weeks ago, since then I 've been having trouble sleeping. I dozed off on the sofa yesterday evening and was still half asleep and for a moment I expected mum to be sitting in her usual chair but of course she wasn’t. I wish I could turn back time xx
You’re welcome @Pixiecat it’s hard to navigate your way through grief, so if any words of encouragement help it has to be a positive. Sending you best wishes xx
Little bit longer for me but the tears still come. I know its hard, and yea you get up and the days start off well. But its another day on your own with the memories. That never changes, it just becomes part of your new life. But least you have children and maybe a partner to support you. Im on my own with it all, I do try to reach out to people on a weekly basis. But yes I’m lost too!
I also lost my mum to cancer and watched her suffer especially when she passed it was quite traumatic as she didnt go peacefully, and i also feel.robbed as i am 36 and she was 59. I feel so numb and i hate it, i want to scream and tear my heart out but at the same.time feel.like a robot. I lost my mum 3 weeks ago and my grandad also cancer 3 days after my.mum, i was right by her side, huggi g and holding her hand and stroking her hair, i saw her painfully take her last breath but i still feel like shes on holiday or.something…i jaut hate it