Today has not been a good day for me. It has been nearly 6 months since I lost my soul mate of 37 years. I joined Sue Ryder the week after she died but have never posted - I have just read, and cried buckets at other peoples grief. I have had family staying last night and now they have gone leaving me in an empty house feeing so alone. I thought it would get easier with time but it doesn’t - today is one of the worst days since she went. Please tell me it gets easier and how you cope
3 Likes
I’m sorry you are grieving too @Melly2 . It is only 3 months since I lost my husband but I can relate to awful days and the sadness of an empty house when visitors leave or you get home. Somebody said to me that grief comes in waves and that the waves vary rather than get worse and worse. It certainly seems to be true for me and I am trying to just roll with the bad days and let the emotions flow when they happen. I really hope you have a better day tomorrow x
2 Likes
I lost my husband 14 months ago but today all I’ve wanted to do is cry. I miss him so much.
The grief changes with time but its no easier.
I cope by trying to keep busy but Sundays are always hard.
Take one day at a time. I find i can’t think about the future but try and get through each day.
Sending love. Sharing on here does help so I’d say reach out when you need too.
Xx
2 Likes
It’s definitely a rollercoaster and I find some days are slightly better, but then a tsunami of grief knocks me over and I feel like I’m back at square one.
Just try to get through the bad days and hope that tomorrow may be slightly better.
It’s a tough journey we are all on xxx
3 Likes
So sorry @Melly2. It’s been 7 months for me, and yes, it just gets worse. There are two of me now; one that copes with practical things during the day, and that people say is ‘coping well,’ and the other me that comes out at night and is a mess of chaos and loneliness.
4 Likes
@Catrin1 that sums it up perfectly.
Someone said to me the other day (which upset me terribly), it’s nice to see you getting on with your life. But I’m not at all, they don’t see the behind close doors breakdowns.
3 Likes
Hi everyone.
I’m Ken and I’m new on here. My precious wife, Kate, died suddenly in November last year, aged just 58. I can relate to a lot of the posts on here as I going through the same horrible experiences. My emotions are all over the place and I’m lost without her. We were together for 34 years and did everything together. I really feel like I’ve lost part of myself. Like many of you the grief initially came in waves and I treasured the days when it wasn’t here. I felt so at peace and so serene. Since we buried her ashes in April, there haven’t been any waves, no peaceful days, just terrible grief throughout every day.
2 Likes
Hi @KenB I’m so sorry that you’re wife Kate has died. I understand and can relate to what you and others have said. My husband died just over two years ago and I still find every day very hard without him. I still get very emotional and cry still although not every day. I hope for better days. It’s just not happening at the moment. I think some of it is that I haven’t yet accepted that he has gone and that I will never see or talk to him again. We were together fifty years and I thought we would grow old together but life had other ideas. Take care.
4 Likes
Hi Loobyloo2
Thank you for your reply. I can relate to everything you say. I still can’t accept that she’s gone and I’ll never see her again. That I’ll never hold her in my arms again, that I’ll never hold her tiny, slender delicate hand ever again. The pain is almost physical.
For a large part of my life, I’ve strongly believed that when you die, that’s it, all over. No awareness. Nothing. Kate, on the other hand, although not religious, did believe in an afterlife, a spirit world where souls watched over their loved ones and in which we would meet again. I hope she was right and I was wrong.
Take care.
Ken
2 Likes
Hello Ken and loobyloo. My husband died in August 21 after 38! Years married I am 71 Alhave anxiety and depression still and take medication to help me sleep. I miss him so
Miss our happy life together now I walk our dog look after our cat see a few friends for coffee and that is my lonely life. It is sad that there are so many of us grieving. Take care xx
3 Likes
Hello everyone,
I hate these dips on the rollercoaster.
Like many other times, this dip has taken me a bit by surprise.
I have successfully tackled a couple of things and went out with a friend
a couple of days ago.
Fingers crossed and toes, my poorly cat seems to be getting better.
I did have a fall a couple of days ago and laughed it off at the time. No broken bones but sore, bruised and have cuts.
I had a blip this morning but felt better after crying. I have done things, kept quite occupied and eaten. So I was feeling more positive.
Then suddenly, started crying.
I have just been in floods of tears.
I hate this. I still beg for the impossible, to have him back.
So, I know I have not accepted my lovely husband passed 14 weeks ago.
In fact I think I am actually fighting it.
To me he is absent.
How do you accept such a devastating loss.
Rose xx
1 Like
It is very early for you and it sounds as if you are managing to have some times when you are able to cope. It is 15 months since my husband died and today i feel as if it was yesterday. On other days i manage to get on with my life and cope with the pain.
Don’t expect too much of yourself. Be kind to yourself and only do what you feel you can cope with.
Sending love xx
3 Likes
Thank you so much @Fliss
Like your husband, my husband died suddenly and unexpectedly.
I miss him so much.
Sending a big hug and love,
Rose xx
2 Likes
Oh rose it is truly horrible when we start to slide down that dip again.
It sounds like you have been keeping yourself busy and doing things, which is really good for you - even if it might not seem like it. I’m sure you having had a fall normally your husband would look after you and make sure you were ok. But now we just have ourselves to look after us and that maybe just added a bit to your sadness.
I think we all try to hold onto that hope of the impossible and wish we could be transported back to a happier time.
The fact you are thinking you haven’t accepted I your loss maybe suggests that you are coming to terms with it but resisting it still. And why wouldn’t we - it’s still very early days after having spent a lifetime with your soulmate.
Be kind to yourself and just try sit with whatever horrible feelings come along. They will pass and get less with time.
Sending a big hug xxx
1 Like
Rose, i hope today is a little better for you. I’ve been gardening which I find helps me. Have you something you enjoy that calms you?
Love x
1 Like
Hello Fliss,
I can sometimes work in the garden but sometimes I go to a part of the garden and I can remember him working there and that upsets me.
The weather is very unpredictable today, so I don’t think I will be out there today.
One of our cats (still our cats) will cuddle me and I really love that.
Also I watch quite a bit of television. and enjoy puzzles.
Today I am trying to tidy up a bit.
Thank you so much for contacting me.
I hope you day has been as good as it can be.
Love,
Rose xx
1 Like