hi all not been for a while. this bright weather always lifts the spirits. brings back lots of memories of good times. holidays ect. my sons facebook page was, or should I say is. full of pictures of him and all his friends enjoying themselves. he had a million friends or that’s how it seemed. there was always something going on. a birthday. or an engagement. or a DO!! down at the local rugby club. I remember one year sam and 7 of his female friends went out to an all day event as snow white and the 7 dwarfs . sam dressed up as snow white and his female friends all dressed up as male dwarfs. it was so funny. never see any of is friends anymore. its almost like he never existed. I,m sure they all carry their memories with them. but its not like that for us as parents. we carry them with us everywhere, everyday. its not something you can just park up and forget about. you don’t just think. rite I think I,ll have a couple of days off and not mourn today. its totally ingrained in us and always will be.
everyone on the sidelines of your son or daughters life moves on. rightly so. what a world we would live in if everyones life stopped in its tracks . for parents though its completely different.
in time though you do learn to adapt. I convince myself that sam is with me all the time. you just can,t see him. in the beginning when you can,t see a way forward. life seems impossible carrying on without them. I miss him like crazy. I always will. but I don’t get upset like I used to. I definitely still get “moments” but like the sunshine days. its better. you learn to appreciate all the simple things in life again. I live quite high up on the moors. on rainy days its gloomy like everywhere else, but when the sun is out like today you can literally see for about a 100 miles . grief is a bit the same. some days you can,t see further than just out of the window, but as the sun comes back into your life you can see for miles. all the stuff that you don,t see the point in. comes back to you. there is a point in the beginning that you just think, why should I even get out of bed. but with time passing you learn to live again. I have always spoken to sam in my head. had full blown conversations with him. it used to be all doom and gloom. now we share jokes together [in my head] I even burst out laughing sometimes. something funny will be on the tele that i know would have appealed to his sense of humour , and I,ll laugh not because I found it funny but because I know sam would have done. if that makes me sound mad. I don’t care. if I can laugh, its a good day.
ok, thanks for listening. jim
Thanks Jim as always.
I think Katherine is with me too, in a slightly different dimension that I don’t quite get yet.
The Snow White is a wonderful memory.
(Not being nosy, but are you on the Derbyshire moors? I think like me you live near Manchester. )
All best wishes, Ann x
Hi Ann. No I’m the other side saddleworth moors. Up near the m62. Live rite at the edge of the moors on the top side of Oldham. If I walk about 50yrds from my house you can see the mountains in Wales roughly 80 to 100 miles away.
Hi jim thank you for sharing as always .sounds like you live in a lovely place .my sams been gone just over a year and the reality hes not coming back is so real . I have good and bad days .i feel life goes on around you .but its so hard to accept . The sunshining . Does make you feel better . Take care zoe 
Hi Jim,
Wise, comforting words.
You do have days that you can appreciate the good things in your life again. Embrace them.
Yes, the “moments” still pop up, often when I least expect them - but I don’t feel them as intense.
I hate the phrase “time is a great healer”.
Conversations in your head are great - our daughter says not to start arguing with myself tho. 
I always need the last word.
Thankyou for your posts.
G. X