A Different Person

My Mum died from cancer on the 29th May 2016 aged 64. I was 31 years old at the time and like everyone else you feel that this sort of thing doesn’t happen to a family like ours. I am a mother to two beautiful girls aged 2 and 5 and have a loving, doting husband but since the death of my mum I feel I have changed as a person and I don’t know how to get the old me back. I was the laid back one with the patience of a saint and always a positive outlook on things. Glass half full person you could say. However as time goes on I feel I am losing the person I used to be more than ever before. My husband works long hours so our time together is limited and when we are all together we have the everyday hustle and bustle of life and raising two young girls. My brother is 12 years older than me and while I know he is there for me if I ever needed him, we don’t live in each others pockets. My close friends have moved away as we have grown older and my closest friend I feel abandoned me in my greatest time of need (but that’s another story). I do work part time through the week and I am glad of this as they are a great bunch and work offers me a break from my daily routine.
However this new me that I hate but cant seem to do anything about feels more lonely than ever. My husband says I can talk to him about anything, which I know I can do but he doesn’t now the answers and I don’t even know what I am looking for him to say to me anyway. I am definitely a glass half empty person now, who is angry and seems to get frustrated a lot of the time. I am sad a lot more often and cry a lot to. Sometimes not for weeks but then I do for weeks on end. I find myself snapping at my children more over something that in times gone by would of been resolved differently, I hate the person they must see me becoming.
I miss my mum terribly and think of her everyday and I just hope that time can heal and that I can somehow find peace within myself to maybe start becoming the person I used to be again.

Dear Lucy… So sorry for the loss of your mum my condolences to you…
I am 65 and have a daughter and son.
I think you are not giving yourself time, these are very early days for you…only you know how you feel, and as we all know on this online community it is not easy, grief and trying to come to terms with losing a loved one is the worse thing anyone can try and cope with alone.
You cannot expect to be yourself, even with people all around you, you can still feel lonely, I have been there too… I had counselling with Cruse, I know you will probably have to wait for some sessions with them, I did but I had 6 weeks and it was so helpful.
Keep in touch on here, there is always someone to talk to, message me anytime. Mo x

Hi Lucy

I was 31 when my Dad died aged 63 though that was over 20 years ago. I remember only too well the friends that didn’t understand because they were lucky enough to have both their parents still and could not understand what I was going through. One friend did understand though as she had lost her Dad too and she was a huge support to me. 25 years on and I have lost my Mum too, my friend is still with me and still supporting me.

I changed when Dad died. In fact I would say I was impossible to work with at times. I have been told since I looked as if my world had caved in, it had. It is great you work with good people as they are the ones you spend a lot of time with even working part time. It took me quite a few years before I felt truly better but it did come eventually. I have to remind myself of that now after Mum and in my darker days and nights.

You take care of yourself

Dear Lucy…

I came on here today looking for answers to my own situation and found your post… I am sorry to hear about your Mum and like you I have a lovely family but also feel like I’m lost. Everything you said it exactly how I feel… sad , angry and not the same person I was. I may act the same but inside I feel bitter and resentful of so many things and in so many ways. My Mum passed away in February so it is still very raw and I know I have to give myself time and perhaps you do too… I spoke to a family member who had lost her Dad when very young and she said it changed her and made her realize that life can change in an instant… she is so right. My Mum was in bad health and although the end was peaceful and very quick - (she never knew she was dying thank God…) I find myself now dwelling on her death and the impact it has had. My Dad is just existing really but like me putting on a good front…
This is so hard and my thoughts are with you …I’m here if you need to offload at any time

Take care