A different you

Hi all. I’m 6 years down the line from loosing my son ( only child). Even though I’m alot better. It still hits you out of the blue on any random day. You can feel yourself filling up.
The day you loose your loved one. The clock stops. You get so wrapped up in grief that you fail to see that from that day on you become a different person. The first couple of years are a complete blare ( for me anyway). By the time you think things have settled down. You are completely different from how you used to be. I virtually never sleep. Maybe an hour or two each night. I normally come downstairs in the small hours each night and watch whatever absolute garbage is on the tele. Not really paying attention to it. I can relive my son’s death day over and over remembering every single detail. I often feel he’s with me. Like I have to take his feelings into account if I’m doing something. But I realize that’s just a mind thing. It still surprise,s me that even after all this time if I mention his name people that know me suddenly act like they are from Mars. Common sense goes out the window. One of my closest relatives point blank refuses to have a single word uttered about my son because he doesn’t know how to act in front of me. He wasn’t even close to my son. I find it confusing and frustrating. I’ve read lots of posts on this site and numerous people all mention the same thing. How people around them act. You realize that once all the dust has settled and your grieving lessons a little. You are basically on your own. I have mentioned before. But loosing someone. Once you get past the initial upset. It feels like you are dragging an invisible 5 ton weight around with you. Nobody can see it. But you have to take it everywhere with you. I think missing them is so hard to deal with.

I think this site is brilliant as in the fact that away from this site no one wants to hear about your loss. Doctors and therapists and counselors to a degree just read from a text book. It mite be different for others but for me the only real help I’ve ever experienced is my mind slowly healing itself and also coming on hear and relating to people on this site. It’s a very very horrible sad devastating thing we have in common but it’s the one place to find some understanding. Thanks for listening :relieved:


Jim, thank you for your post and yes it comes back and bites you and generally when you least expect it. Like you the years past and you wounded how you have kept going but that’s life. Take care of yourself and once again many thanks. S xx


Hi Jim , I can sincerely say I am right with you on this feeling of both emotions and a different person , I too lost my son in December 2021 and I am dreading Mother’s Day coming this coming Sunday , I have such pain since my son left me I feel empty and worthless , it was such a busy schedule I had when my son was here as he was complex needs which was 24 hour care 2/1 so he was never alone and loved by everyone who ever knew him and believe me there were many , my heart yearns to just no we’re he is and is there is another place after death who knows I’d like to think so I really would.