I found out that on Monday this week a friend passed away. She wasn’t currently a friend. We fell out of friendship because I made a choice as an activist that she disagreed with. We haven’t spoken in under a year.
Regardless of this, I had a lot of respect for her. She was a talented musician, with a gentle presence and voice. She was a pillar of our community. She lived her life proud and unapologetic. She was dedicated, passionate and an inspiration to me.
Her loss has affected so many people. I feel a bit invalid in my grief because of our falling out, but I respected her and it is really sad that she is just gone. It’s hard to accept that she is just gone because she was a source of light and love for many. The world is a worse place without her.
My soulmate passed away nearly 18 months ago. I felt invalid in my grief at first because her family didn’t know that we were together. I felt wrong in grieving because I was terrible to her when we first met because I was jealous of her friends. When I say terrible, I mean really awful. We were together for a bit once I got my act together, but I never forgave myself, I felt like I didn’t deserve to grieve her because we kept ‘us’ a secret due to my family.
When we lost her, I almost didn’t go to her funeral. I did, and I sat right at the back. My advice would be to go to the funeral if you can. The fact that you still refer to her as a friend, even after falling out speaks volumes. All grief is valid. Even if you didn’t speak anymore. Funerals give some closure to things, even if it’s only a little bit.
Remember, the past is gone, you can’t go back and do it again. What’s important is that you take care of the future, and care for yourself.
I would go to the funeral, sit quietly at the back with your own personal thoughts of your friend. Then quietly and proudly leave, feeling you have done your best by your friend.