I lost my husband almost 9 months ago and like everyone on here have felt desolate and sometimes desperate that nobody understood how I felt. Today was my first birthday without my husband and I was dreading it - I just wanted to know he was still around me. I’d got through Christmas without him, his birthday without him, returned to our holiday home without him, had numerous problems with the car and maintenance problems with our home without him and just couldnt bear the thought this was going to be my life going forwards. I dont know whats happened today but it feels as though the light bulbs have been switched on again. I went out for a meal with his family and the food was terrible but you know what, it didn’t matter. I’ve been surrounded by TRUE friends at our holiday home and his family who have gone out their way to make it the best birthday for many a year. I feel contented because I know my husband is still with me and worked his magic.
My mum died 7 years ago in a hospice and at a memorial service we were invited to take a simple pebble from a tray which represented the path of life. I always kept that pebble in my purse as I had a deep belief that mum would always ensure that I would always have enough money to survive. Last year, on her birthday, I went to buy some vegetables on a local market and didn’t realise that I’d dropped the pebble when I’d paid for my vegetables. The lady from the stall came running after me and gave it back to me. I can’t explain to this day what made her come after me to bring this simple pebble that most people would think as worthless. I like to think my mum knew what was going to happen with my husband and she wanted me to know she was still around. My husband has shown me this today so all those suffering from the loss or a loved one, keep the faith.
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I am so pleased things are feeling better for you.
Your story makes me feel warm and hopeful - wishing you all the best.
Thank you so much for your lovely post and I pray that your life continues to be full of beautiful moments. The pebble and lady at the market shows we are never truly alone and I am sure both your mum and your husband are watching. It is surprising how we can cope when things go wrong and I am pleased that you told us that you can deal with maintenance things because so many can’t and I feel very lucky that I can turn my hand to most things.
Anniversary’s are difficult to deal with, it’s my husbands birthday in a weeks time and just not sure what to do that day, normally I’m organised but other things have got in the way so I will have to leave it till nearer the day.
Thank you for sharing and bless you.
S
Hi Lorna B
There wasn’t a more pessimistic person in the world than me until the pebble incident. I knew instantly mum was with me although I didn’t know why at the time so just hang on in there.
Hi Susie 123
Thank you for your kind reply. I have felt really alone since my husband died as I’m sure you have. I don’t have any children and few close relatives. However, I’ve had the most amazing support from neighbours at my holiday home and now feel more comfortable here than I do in my main home! I now spend most of my time here. I’ve always been quite independent but my husband’s death totally floored me and the first few months were horrendous. It seemed as though it was just one thing after another. It’s quitened down a bit now so I have time to think and reflect on the life I had with my husband. Wishing you well.
Hi, I am pleased you have found somewhere that feels right for you but please give it a little time before you make any major decisions about your future. Yes those first months are dreadful and I got that when the postman was due I wanted to hide and not acknowledge that he had been. There was a few weeks that was peaceful and I went to pieces but it all started again. It strange the affect it has on what should be classed a sensible rounded person who normally can deal with what life throws at you. That what grieving does.
Like you my family are away and because we has a couple didn’t need other people and I had left work early to look after my husband we didn’t have friends. I do have two sisters but one I can do without in my life and the other needs looking after to a point and to be honest I don’t want any more of looking after other people, that’s been a big part of my life.
They do say let the first 2 years go by before making major decisions and yes I think it may be the right thing, I have now said to my sons I stay here and see what happens. There are so many things to consider when it’s just you, it should all be easier but I don’t think it is.
Tomorrow I am off the the picture house, I want say Cinema becyits to old for that.
Blessings from S
Hi Susie
Life without our husband’s sucks, doesn’t it?. Like you I don’t have really close family and to be honest, I really can’t be bothered with those I do have. They talk the talk but have no idea what it’s it’s all about. I’ve come back to my main home today after 8 weeks away as I have a hospital appointment on Monday. I’m depressed, the dog is depressed and I can’t wait to get back to the place me and husband spent happy times. It’s a dream and I’ll hang onto it as long as I’m fit and able. No doubt the time will come when this isn’t the case but I’m hanging on in there whilst I can!
I’m fortunate that I don’t have any real financial problems and can take my time to decide what I want to do. I’ve decided just to enjoy what I have at the minute and put off any major decisions for the time being. I’m so grateful as not all bereaved people have the luxury of being in this situation.
Earlier today I learned my neighbour had lost her 32 year old son under tragic circumstances and hope I can give her whatever support she needs. It feels hopeless because I can’t make her feel better - who can until they’ve walked in their shoes?
I’m presuming you are a cat lover. Another reason I love my holiday home is that I took on a stray cat 2 years ago. She was skin and bone but she is now the most amazing little creature. She follows me and the dog everywhere. I would love to bring her home with me but she wouldnt settle. Im fortunate that she has now been accepted as the “site cat” and I have loads of neighbours who watch out for her.
Hi, eight weeks in the place you feel happy in, it’s no wonder that you feel depressed and yes your dog will pick up the vibes, I know this because my cat does. She came from the cat rescue and I don’t know what I do without her.
Sorry but I don’t really feel that I have a ‘proper’ life now, there’s lots to be greatfull for and happy about but there’s always something missing. There are lots of people who find another partner and move on and if this happens to you then your life will be great again. And yes life should be good, I don’t have to worry about money, which to be honest is the first time in my life but - - - it doesn’t bring joy, only one less thing to worry about and these days I feel I could worry for the world.
I hope your hospital appointment is not stressful, I have just had cataracts removed and not being able to garden and do some of my fitness things is quite annoying and now have to wait before I can have new glasses but the whole process has been so well organised and easy plus it answered why I felt that I was getting old. I can now run up and down steps without worrying where to put my feet. It’s been really brilliant.
Life is about making the right moves and right decisions and knowing when is very difficult, I do hope you don’t feel to bad for long, having your dog will make you have to get out and walk which always lifts the spirits.
Keep smiling.