I’m so sorry that life is feeling pointless.
No doubt your partner wouldn’t want you to be suffering so much. Have you a family that can listen and support you? Getting back to some sort of routine does focus the mind elsewhere and seems part of the healing our hearts need. I meditate using an app called Headspace- you might find it useful.
Lots of people are on this site and they will know your pain. Thinking of you. Big hugs