I’ve just lost my dad a couple of weeks ago, suddenly as the result of an accident. This has come 17 months after the loss of my mum from cancer. After mum I lost 2 if my aunt’s within months. 5 and 3 years ago I lost my two best friends . I am feeling numb most of the time or anxious or angry. I know these are normal but also feel I’m holding off fully grieving as I’m afraid if the possible tsunami of emotions. I have a lovely husband and son and his family, but still feel so lonely, my friends would have been the ones I turned to for support, each loss has reopened the others . I just wondered if there was anyone out there in a similar situation and how they got through it?
Hi. Bows, and welcome to a place no one wants to be, but thank God for it.
Your expression ‘get through it’ is spot on. We need to get through it rather than get over it. There is a difference. By going through the pain and not avoiding and trying to ‘get rid of it’ can make us better and more understanding people. Because that’s what it’s about, understanding. Everyone here know and cares. You will find many who have had multiple traumas in their lives. Over the years loved ones move on and while we may feel awful about it and grieve it is normal. But its too soon for you to think rationally about the loss of your dad.
Don’t be afraid of emotions. Let them come. Never try to suppress them or avoid them. They are Natures way of relieving stress. I’m not suggesting you burst into tears at inappropriate moments, but emotions released and acceptance can help. Feeling numb anxious and angry are normal in the circumstances. We all go through that phase. Sudden loss often is more of a shock than having a loved one go through an illness.
I am not minimising your pain, been there!! But 15 months have passed and I’m getting there. I doubt if real happiness will ever occur, but I know some peace awaits us all. Blessings and take care. John.
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Thank you John, I’ve tried to cope with all the other deaths by being stoic , mourning their loss, after all they were worth my tears. It’s just losing my dad , who I was very close to has overwhelmed me. Thank you for your kind words, I guess I’ll get there again , in time.