Here I am sitting in the garden again in your favourite spot. The sun is warm and bright for March. There is a gentle breeze and I am feeling melancholy listening to music.
I’m sad because I miss you more than words can express. I am constantly thinking about our lives together, how we met and our love grew. I ache and yearn for you in words I can’t explain but strongly in my mind.
I miss your touch, hugging, a kiss and campionship I do regret I didn’t tell you more just how much I love you. Life has a cruel way of making you assume the other person knows how you feel about them.
I don’t regret a moment of our lives together, even the difficult times and there were some. But if I could choose again I would still choose you. I love you.
I’m listening to love songs, my song to you is “I’ll Never Love Again” from film a star is born. Doug you should listen to the words, they say everything I feel - I don’t want anyone but you in my arms, and if I can’t have you I don’t want anyone else again, ever.
Music makes me feel closer to you, there are not many moments in the day that I don’t think about you/us.
If you were here this minute I would hug you and tell you just how much I Iove you and how happy our lives have been.
I love looking through our photos, seeing the children when they were small, our holidays and trips.
Doug I am so proud of you and your job as a coach driver, it was such a shame when I’ll health took that away from you.
In case you are wondering why I am writing again so soon, it’s because I’m still off work with covid, I’m doing ok, just a bit tired with cold symptoms now. I have to go back to work next week regardless of LFT results as it will be over 10 days.
Isolation has not bothered me, it gave us time together. No one can bother you and no expectations to do anything
Just you and me and our thoughts.
You know how much I don’t want to go back, every morning is a struggle to get up and go. How I had wished I retired early to spend more time at home with you. It’s the “If Only’s” I had known how little time we had left together.
It’s peaceful in the garden, I can hear traffic in the distance, an odd lawnmower, planes flying overhead watching the vapour trails they leave. A game we used to play who could spot the most.
I can also hear the gentle sound of the water fountain flowing in our pond, this is where I am closest to you and at times feel at peace.
One day we will be together again, you dying has made my faith grow stronger and that God does has a plan and purpose for us. That one day we will be together again for always in a better place.
Doug, this week is National Reflection Day, I had actually forgot this happened on the day of your funeral last year and we had a minute’s silence before the service started.
Look, and I will light a candle for you and put it on our doorstep with daffodil’s.
I will write again very soon.
I love you and will see you in my dreams.
Debbie X X