A message to you!

10 weeks today since you were taken from me. The beginning was full of tears, anger, guilt, frustration, all consuming grief. The pain so bad, I wanted to die to stop it! Questions, that would never have an answer to. Sleep deprivation. Anxiety on a different level. How the hell will I get through this!

10 weeks on, I realize
The tears will dry and take up less of my day.
The anger has gone, there’s no point to it.
I no longer want to die all the time.
The anxiety has reduced significantly.
It’s not all consuming.
I can make plans and stick to them.
I can sleep.
I can talk about him without tears.
I can get through each day.
I can laugh with my friends.
I can do this, different to how I wanted it but I’m doing it!
I don’t want you to worry about me hon and I know you would be very proud!
I love you!

25 Likes

That’s so positive and lovely and gives me some hope. Can I just ask roughly how many weeks after him passing did you start to feel like you could actually do this? What weeks were the worst for you? x

1 Like

@Ali29 Thanks for sharing that.

1 Like

That’s lovely. We can do this, we just have to believe we can

3 Likes

@LostLil
At around 7 weeks. The week after the funeral was tricky. I think we had false hope that the funeral would somehow give us some closure, nope!
I popped into work at about 7 weeks and as much as I was dreading it, I actually felt relatively normal when I was there and have a bit of a laugh with the girls, tears too, but felt better in there company. Began to focus on things I could do rather than sit at home thinking too much. Went from there really x

6 Likes

@Ali29 that’s so positive and pretty much sums up how I feel now too!! I’m also at week 10 today.
@LostLil I would say a couple of weeks after the funeral, which was at week 4, I started to feel I could do more. The sadness never goes, but it’s not all consuming like in the beginning. X

2 Likes

I am only on week 5 and funeral is on 20th April but I will then go back to work. I need that normality, structure and routine

2 Likes

@Sarlyn the funeral is a huge milestone. But I did find once it was over the dread of getting thought it was a relief. Sending hugs xx

Aw thats so sweet :yum: did you write that yourself ? X

1 Like

I agree … i think i was worse after the funeral tbh :frowning: xx

1 Like

Wow thats set me off ! 15 weeks for me … :frowning:

@Deb5
Yes I did.

Well we were told the funeral will take us to another level and we would progress a bit more but that was not the case at all. I felt worse as it was final. No chance of coming back but it also that helped eventually as I knew I had to get on with whatever life I had left.

2 Likes

Did you ? Its brilliant ! I love it … its slmost like a poem ! Its so touching and so true !! You need to get it published :slight_smile: well done - speaks for a lot if us bereaved people xx :wink:

1 Like

Yeh did rake me to another level for sure ! Despair :frowning:

Hi Everyone compassion and blessings for your losses. Grief is a deep wound on so many levels and what works for some will not work for others. life has so many forms of grief, not all bereavements. its like small pieces of grit painful and accumulating. It has a large effect on the kidneys , the heart , the digestion and so on. I have found healing very beneficial and brad Yates eft on you tube has a programme just for grief and loss. bless you all and onwards . allow yourself the bad head days and dont berate yourself when you have difficulty function. it is all perfectly natural. pauleen xx

3 Likes

So sorry for your loss. I would like to say it get better but it doesn’t unfortunately, I lost my husband 18 months ago and it still feels like yesterday. Sleep less night’s anxiety, not wanting to talk to people wanted to mix with anybody you just exist. You don’t live as you don’t understand why they’ve been taken and why that person across the road has not been taken why him. Just take every day and see how that day takes you.

3 Likes

Hi its only early days yet. Losing a partner is a major trauma. Life has wounded you and the scars are still raw and will not have healed at this stage.

You are doing better than you think . Please dont put yoursef under so much pressure to be jolly and brave faced. A whole new life has to be created from the ashes of what was and is no longer your reality .

Its perfectly normal how you feel. We all feel as time
go es on that we should be
Doing better… no … just take time to be kind to yourself, dont feel you have to stop talking about what has happened to you and your loved one. This is big trauma. I have had relentless bereavements and grief for the last 13 years and lost my beloved partner in August after a 3 year battle with cancer, my brother passed away 3 years ago ,then my best friend. On it went. There are some days that i am able to fun ction but somedays not. It is the grief lottery of suppressed emotion. Somedays we win somedays not. Im a Christian and found that prayer(when i was not so resentful and angry, did help and also people praying for me so i didnt feel so isolated and alone, trapped inside myself with all that pain) i used the Bach flower rescue remedy and the bach flower star of bethelem. Both of these help to release the trauma of the loss its not a cure but it does help. You must grieve in whichever way suits you. I send you a loving :raised_hands: blessings. Your stronger and braver than you think. Peace in your pain. Bext wishes Pauleen

3 Likes

Thank you for posting that Ali29. I felt exactly the same. It is only 13 weeks since my husband passed away. I went through those same emotions. Blaming him, blaming myself, the guilt that had I caused his death, anger, tears. I went to a quiz group that was just starting up two weeks after his passing. Did I feel good about doing it. No, I didn’t, but I knew if I didn’t make the effort then I would have shut myself away. It is getting easier now. I came home one day and had really laughed at the quiz. Got home and felt guilty that I had a good time but then I sat and though about what my husband would say to me. He would have been happy that I am getting on with my life. People I meet say it does become easier over time but even they have times when the tears just come. I have now started going to a couple more groups. I take each day as it comes

4 Likes

@Caw1
That’s lovely. Thank you. Well done for going and we’ll done for having a good time.

1 Like