I slept not even five hours this night but I had to go up earlier than usual because of an appointment at 10:00 at Lakeside. I had to take the bus at 09:00 and had even about 15 minutes to spare. Everything seemed to be fine - I even treated myself to a quite expensive perfume (£65 !!!) something I would never spend on myself but on my husband - only the best was good enough for my other half, although he was always telling me off spoiling him. And now I am sitting here again, crying and taking tablets again, back to square one. The pain never really goes away and I cannot take it anymore but suicide is against my belief and so I carry on -crying and feeling sick, cannot sleep, feeling lonely, and see no future. Will it ever end? It is now over three months since my beloved husband left me. There is no future for me anymore.
Hi, it’s 20 months since my husband died, I still feel the pain, and know I always will, how could we not , our partners will always be the better part of us, they brought us happiness, contentment, unconditional love,safety, and the just knowing we were so special and the most important person to them as they are to us, life sucks now. SORRY, i know this won’t help,xtake carex
I wanted to join Mike also, but thought I may not end up in the same place as it’s a sin, so wasn’t prepared to risk not being with him xxx
I completely understand, I’m in this new world without him and bloody hard, it truly is the hardest thing I’ve ever had crawl back from which I’m nowhere near xx
Hi,so sorry for your loss, I’m sure you will find a lot of help from this site, it really has been a life saver for me, there is so much help from others on this site,we all understand how hard and devastating it is trying to pick up the pieces of a life we never wanted, I have found some really special friends on here, you can just say how you feel at anytime and no one judges you, they are all there with a kind word xtake carex
Hi all, I don’t write often these days because I feel I have no comforting words to say. I’m feeling worse than ever lately. It’s been two and a half years, but I’m lost in time, trapped in a time warp, for me it feels like it’s just happened. I’ve come to the conclusion that what I hate most is this TIME passing by without him. How can this world still exist, how can life just go on without him?
@Annaessex so sorry you are having a bad day. Just the slightest thing can trigger the tears & sadness. After a really bad week I’ve actually had a couple of ok days. Dreading the weekend though. Sending hugs.
That is the only reason why I am not killing myself. It is a sin and I might be ending up without my beloved husband or my family somewhere far away. It is hard as it is but thinking that I will never see him again in the afterlife is unbearable. Sending lots of love and hugs.
I know I still can’t accept that I won’t see my wonderful husband on this earth but we be with them again xxxxxx
Dear @Solost
I so understand and get how you feel . Just over 9 months now.
I truly hate and dread EVERY single morning… BECAUSE IT IS ANOTHER DAY FURTHER AWAY FROM BEING WITH MY SOULMATE AND BEST BEST FRIEND
I miss him SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH
HUGS TO YOU ALL 
Hi all
We were all lucky to have been loved 
That’s what we should all hold on to
Our happy memories we made with our loved ones
Don’t get me wrong I too wish I had died and not him - left with this heartache and emptiness even after 5 years ! I know though I was the lucky one to have had him in my life for 25 wonderful years and that makes me 
Take care all
Xx
@Annaessex 3 months is nothing honey 
we still in early days … im same though … do something positive and then have a whole day of just crying … up and down like a yo yo … im told it gets better and in a way it does but i dunno if the sadness ever leaves you really ? Take good care of yourself xxx
My husband always got me things i find myself buying things and saying will you would have done that and i come home and sit and tell him what i got i know it is silly but it helps me i would give it all up if i could have him back sending hugs
I speak to my husband as well and show him the things I bought. Or when I come from the hairdresser I show him my new haircut. Today was a grocery delivery (bulky and heavy stuff) and I said that I also bought nice desserts he would like to eat. I also smile in his direction where he used to sit next to me watching films and I try to catch his now invisible hand. So it is not silly; it is a normal reaction. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
@Suzanne1966 @Annaessex
Sorry sent previous message too soon…
I too do all those things. It’s completely natural in my world.
Big hugs to you both
Hi
I lost my love 6 months ago this week. I am so broken without her. She was so brave and was part of my life for over 40 years. I try to be brave but I just want to be with her.
Thank for posting and accepting me here. At least I know I’m not alone.
Not a helpful reply sorry. There is comfort though knowing that what I am feeling is the aftermath of losing my one and only love. I know how lucky I was to have that But losing that has displaced me beyond recognition. I am only half a person pretending on good days to muddle through. Anything to temporarily block the pain.
Yes I thought I was coping but it’s getting worse.
About to take my mother out and will pretend just long enough to do that then come home and collapse in a wailing mess again.
Sorry but having a really bad week………
We all have bad days iam at the moment as it is coming up to a Year of me losing my husband mike i do not know how i done it i know he is watching me and the cat the cat still misses him to i hope you can have some good days we all have are memories sending hugs
I had a few better days and thought I was turning a corner. Slept terrible last night, didn’t want to get up this morning and was crying as soon as I woke up. They say it comes in waves so just going to ride it out. Sending hugs