when someone is through the worst of grief, see it as an opportunity. for our lives will also end. It is hard, but after a loss, at the proper time, it can be an opportunity to change, for the better. I now put myself first, rather than always thinking of the other guy. I have to. whatever behavior you have you want to improve, you have the right to.
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I think what you say is true, but everybodies experience is different, it took me a long time before I realised that I could do exactly what I wanted, saying that ,you will always have somebody putting their oar in, be it friends or family, you have to be very strong willed to ignore them and go your own way, I wanted to move closer to my family and the uproar it caused was incredible, so I chickened out and I’m still in the same house that I lived with my husband, just wish I didn’t over think things 
xx
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Hi. Berit. I see it the other way, but that’s my own opinion and I respect any other’s. I would put the other guy first and then look to myself. Can I help? What can I do to ease the pain? I do agree with you entirely about change. This awful experience is a time to take stock of ourselves as human beings. President Kennedy said ‘Ask not what my country can do for me, but what can I do for my country’.
I have certainly changed for the better. My wife may be laughing at this moment, but she always suggested I should change, and she was right.
Best wishes. John.
Hi John, I think I have changed hopefully for the better, but have always taken what other people say to much to heart ! Haven’t got the courage of my own convictions!! Am hoping that in time I will get braver and actually do what I want to do 
Best wishes Jude
Of course you will Jude. No matter how long ago it happened what I call ‘after shocks’ as in an earthquake will happen. ‘Reminders’ happen far too often, and we can be taken back years after and feel the pain all over again. What others say has to be processed and looked at and a decision made as to it’s trustworthiness. I have posted this before, but it’s worth repeating. My old counsellor and teacher, with whom I trained, used to say that we should have three drawers in our minds. One marked ‘Urgent, pay attention’. The second ‘For future use’. (The ones you may not understand at the moment but will later).
And the last one ‘Discard’. Now it’s up to us what drawer we put our messages in. Before we do ask ourselves the question and be honest. ‘Is this right for me’? Be careful, your ‘Discard’ drawer can get pretty full!!!
Take care and Blessings.
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I like the drawer idea, I think my discard drawer must be pretty full, am going to start thinking for myself or at least try to.
Many thanks
Jude xx
whatever you do, make friends with yourself first. you never have to worry about you, not wanting you. or you betraying you. or you hurting you. you have to be strong to do this but after the weakening effects of grief, I am learning to do this, and I am glad for it.
if the uproar was against you moving for whatever reason, then stay where you are. at least you can be assured that you will always want to be near you. 
if you get my drift …
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