Having been alone now for six yrs and read all the books, done courses and tried so many things to move ahead, I still find myself in a very lonely space. I would love to find a companion again but at 55 in South Africa, where can I find an educated man looking for the same?
The thought of life alone forever is harrowing.
Single men over the age of 55 seem to be extinct - how hard is that? Longing for solutions. Finding somebody I could support in business or bus a business with would be a bonus. No idea where else to look.
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Hello @soxy .
I am so sorry you lost your husband and I’m sorry you are feeling so lonely. I can honestly say, after seven and a half years, I never feel lonely. I feel alone at times but that is very different. I can feel alone in a crowd and even in family gatherings. I do most things solo these days, such as walking, holidays and I must say, I find it quite liberating. If I can’t go places, do things, with the one I want then it’s solo all the way for me. It’s becoming surprisingly popular to go it alone. I see many others, male and female, walking alone. I’ve also read magazine articles where even married couples have recommended a break alone. I do stuff with friends and family too, so I think it’s about balance. I’m happy in my own company but of course, that doesn’t take away the longing for my husband. That never goes away.
If I may suggest @soxy, you may do better on a dating app rather than a bereavement forum, but whatever, I wish you well.
Thx. Because I have had multiple losses stemming from the loss of my partner, and subsequent empty nest at age 49 I have been impacted in every sphere of my life. Because my attempts to find work have been unsuccessful for so very long, I focused on trying to find a companion but opened a can of worms. Safety in my country is a permanent issue , so nobody walks alone here. This family town does not feel right for me anymore, but without work and without family to go to elsewhere, I am stuck. The demographics in South Africa is challenging now too as many friends left the country to build brighter, more secure futures elsewhere. My immediate family lives abroad. Therefore, I have less opportunities to socialise with these changes over the last few yrs and no friends who relate. The huge refugee population living here now from all over Africa, aren’t really my people and trying to press restart at this age is the ultimate challenge here. Maybe my area is cliquey too.
I have been on the two available dating apps for five yrs but find them false. Not one date or genuine person! Hardly worth it but what else can I try when I have asked every single person I know and they say there is nobody!
Always looking for conversation and opportunities. Families stick together here and I am the outsider. Not sure where else to look. Trying to fill the voids. Wish I found this situation liberating, like you … With my extreme financial restrictions and immeasurable changes, I cannot say the same for myself. As always… Searching for solutions… But in a stalemate. My only sibling lives in the USA and I am not eligible for work there… !
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Gosh @soxy, again I am so sorry. It sounds awful to live where you are. Makes me think how lucky I am living here in the UK, but even this country is changing at a rapid rate and for the worse, I fear. I hope you find what you are looking for. Best wishes.
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Yes it is changing not always brighter on the other side.
So when it is tough look for solutions isn’t easy when none seem to work. But like you keep looking for some solutions.
I wrote to my brother after we fell out. I was surprised he had forgotten we had fallen out. His wife has dementia now.
So I wrote another letter.
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I understand your feelings. my losses were parents.
I know five couples mid-life who got together. I know a couple 81, who just moved in together and who aim to marry. the good news is there is no stigma over older, old, people marrying. It is matter of finding someone. I tried dating apps. I go to a lot of functions. I work on my appearance, clothes, hair, shoes, make-up. it is like a job.
the hardest part is keeping hope. a woman on TikTok left a 28 year abusive marriage and then said her wonderful boyfriend etc. so even she found someone.
never let anyone dissuade you or tell you you are too old when I see evidence to the contrary. I know a couple he was 50s she is overweight and 8 years his senior who married. I heard where one woman a senior plus on a walker! her old sweetheart left gorgeous California to live with her in Texas.
but these people who get together both want the same thing - and that is the challenge, is to keep exposing yourself to find someone too. a numbers game.
being alone is a terrible life unless someone wants that and those who want that, I personally do not get it. don’t give up! no matter what society tells you.
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p.s. women get much more beat up on than men. and even friends can subconsciously try to deter you. men are big flirts which can be nice but keep steering towards someone who wants what you do.
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Yes, thanks for the encouragement. I agree - loneliness is soul-destroying. I wish I knew which direction to steer … it feels like I have tried again and again for so very long in every direction I can think of, and I get slammed doors each time.
Somehow, others I try make connection with do not seem to need/want the same thing! So… I play Solitaire all day!
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me too. but I know doing this (I play it, too) will not help meet someone. only way is to keep trying. on and on. write me anytime as I am in the same process. I will go back to dating apps and going to every holiday party I can. i joined the astronomy club. it is ALL men. and they are happy to have women. also I joined the singles group at the church.
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About a new partner I wonder how many elderly widows just think even the chance would be remote.
What with hardly any men left when you are elderly because women on the whole live longer anyway, the few widowers have a huge choice.
Just saying it how it does seem.
Unless you are just being scammed of course.
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Don’t ask me how I know, but it seems the first one to show up with a nice casserole for the new widower and the people who will surely gather at his home, has a shot at him and the family will already have a favorable opinion. Casseroles.