A new Relationship - losing them

Loss as a young adult
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I have really struggled with understanding my feelings - I am in my 20s and never really lost anyone close to me before. I struggled with a health issue for the past 2 years and finally started improving and feeling myself again. I met someone this summer who helped me get my mojo back and I felt like I was finally enjoying life again and was so happy. I never met anyone like this with whom I instantly felt so connected and comfortable with.

I saw them one evening, said goodbye, and by the next afternoon they had died. It was a new relationship with this person and we had only known each other a few months but it has hit me hard. I feel like I am partially mourning him from the time we had together, but more painfully I am mourning the future that did not get to happen. Selfishly, I feel upset when I see happy couples because it all feels unfair. I have this feeling of needing to preserve everything - the clothes I wore when we last met, my handbag, shoes etc. even walking past the place I said goodbye makes me cry.

His family have (somehow) found the strength to reach out to me and have supported me alot, but I cannot help but feel like a burden. I am not entitled to a relationship with this family, but the connection with them feels like a way of keeping him around. I do not want them to see me as dramatic or a burden, how do I balance it all?

This feels like something that isnt supposed to happen in your twenties. I do not know anyone in my life who has gone through anything like this so I struggled to feel understood.

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Hi Humbuggie, im so sorry for your loss, you must have really loved this person to feel so broken inside..im so sorry you won’t have that future you envisioned with this person,..thats how we all are here.,who have lost a loved one..i lost my husband in March, ..im in my 50s, and that probably seems old to you but I would have still wanted another 20 years with my precious husband :cry:, ..take care of yourself and God bless you :folded_hands:

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Hi @humbuggie,

Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m so sorry to hear about the death of someone who had become so important to you.

From what you’ve shared, it sounds like this person brought a lot of happiness into your life at a time when you were starting to feel more like yourself again. It’s understandable that you’re grieving not only the person you’ve lost, but also the future you had hoped to share together.

I just wanted to add to @Lightmary68’s kind and supportive reply to say that you might find it helpful to read through the Loss as a young adult category that you’ve posted in. There you can connect with other members who have also experienced bereavement at a young age and may relate to some of what you’re going through.

You may also wish to take a look at Let’s Talk About Loss, which runs peer-led groups for people aged 18-35:

In the meantime, please keep reaching out for support. I hope you find the community to be a helpful and supportive place.

Take care,

Harriet

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