A nuisance?

My grandson rang today "(first time since the funeral)when I cried on the phone he more or less told me to pull myself together.

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Men donā€™t get we canā€™t deal with greif on our own reach out to me or cruise bereavement care

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Is your grandson young, no excuse I know but young people find it hard to deal with emotions.
Itā€™s almost eighteen months for me and my grandchildren are in their teens, they all miss their grandad but donā€™t show emotions in the same way and find it hard to deal with family tears.
Sending a hug.
Debbie x

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Heā€™s in his thirties. He and his wife had it in their gift to take me to see my wife in hospital but didnā€™t. Hug received and very much appreciated.

Nigel xx

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Thank you Roses.
xx

Hi , sorry you feel like this . No one understands how bad and upset we are , losing the one person that means the world to us and was our life . Only us that have lost our partners . Thinking of you . Xtake carex

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I sorry Nigel your so upset, heā€™s at an age that should be more sensitive to your emotions and needs.
Hopefully he will think about his reactions and be more sympathetic to you.
Love Debbie X

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Well, Iā€™m not leaving him the farm!

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Too right, Nigel! He should be a lot more sympathetic. Mind you, it is a funny generation and one that is less caring. There are of course exceptions.

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I think we are all having the same experience, whether itā€™s a friend or family, whichever age they are, like weā€™ve all said here, also on other threads, if you havenā€™t been through it, you simply donā€™t ā€˜get itā€™. I also get irritated at their nonsensical responses, people sometimes disappearing suddenly, avoiding us, as if we have a contagious disease, worse than Covid! Iā€™ve had peculiar excuses like: ā€œI would love to come and visit you, but first there was the pandemic, then I thought you probably just wanted to be on your own, being the reserved type!ā€, or a cousin living in the UK, where I used to live, meaning to give me a call, have never heard from her!

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So sad, I think people donā€™t understand as they not been through the pain u r going through. X

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Hi Nigel,
I am so sorry your Grandson isnā€™t able to support you in your grief. Some people are simply unable or unwilling to understand.
Please know your tears are part of your healing process. Donā€™t let anyone make you feel less because of the way you grieve.
I personally find crying cathartic. It helps ease the awful crushing pain I feel in my chest.
Keep writing and reading on this site, it can help validate your feelings and perhaps help you feel less alone.
Sending a comforting hug your way.
Please take care x

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I am so sorry. Sometimes people, even family, canā€™t cope with it or putting walls up to protect themselves etcā€¦but sometimes they are just asshats.

Beki x

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@Nigel2 how sad that your grandson is old enough to know better and couldnā€™t find empathy and be sensitive at a time when you needed it. Sending you a hug. x

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Iā€™ve been blessed by many people who have been nothing short of amazing at suppporting me, often just listening to me. But there are many who havenā€™t, and have really disappointed me.
I refused to get any negative feelings about them, preferring to believe that people canā€™t give you something they donā€™t have, in this case, empathy. Some people have it, some donā€™t.
Just because people might hit us over the head with a stick, thereā€™s absolutely no reason why we should get hold of the stick and hit ourselves over the head with it as well. That makes us as hurtful as them!

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Big hugs xx Iā€™m totally numb since my dad passed away suddenly 19 days ago and I think Iā€™m still in shock so can appear harsh to onlookers that Iā€™m not grieving In the way they are , visibly shedding tears. Let your feelings out xx

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