I lost my 18 year old son Taylor 4 months ago to a very brutal knife attack and im constantly struggling everyday without him I have been writing poems to him and pouring my heart out to him most days this helps me and I hope that whever he is now he can read them and know how much I love and miss him and how truly sorry I am that I wasnt there to protect him from the monster who took his lovely life away from him I would like to share one of my poems with the group as im sure many of yous can relate to my words and hopefully will bring a little comfort to yous through this terrible time ahead of us all thankyou
The pain and the heartache that comes when you lose a child your silent hot tears you can no longer hide you try so hard to stay strong for your other surviving son, but then you come to realise the heartache has only just begun, at first you live with the shock and everybody around you is like your rock there is people around you to always care but then when you turn again you realise there is nobody there, they have gone and left you and you feel so alone, but then you come to realise they have a life of their own, and from this day forward youll be doing this alone, but then you get a surge of strength you dont know where its from, but it gently helps you to move slowly along, but then all of a sudden you end up back at square one as you again realise you no longer have your son, and thats when you start thinking that you dont belong, why my child why wasnt it me how can I carry on why carnt people see, everybody elses life moves forward while yours is just left behind with all of your precious memories playing in your mind,all of the lovely things that you did together with your beautiful child, you think people look at you and expect you to move on but how the hell can you when you dont have your precious son, when you lose a child theres one thing that you know the sorrow and the hurt that you carry around will always show that is one thing that will never go,them lines now etched within your face of the loss of your child you can never replace, of course some days are worse than others for each and every one of us dear mothers some days we manage to fake a smile even if it only is for the shortest while,but some days we are crushed in two and dont know how we will ever make it through, I am only at the start of my fight and at the moment i carnt see the light, theres nothing ahead of me everything is behind with everything running throughout my mind, all of the pain and sadness trapped in my heart which came the day we had to part, of course theres not just sadness trapped in there but also the love that me and my son did share, thats one thing I will never lose itll always be there, your heart is divided to each of your children and just because he is no longer there he will still always have his own share, that piece is for your heavenly child who is no longer at your side but is waiting in heaven above hes waiting for his mum with that share of his love, and when our time on this earth has come ill finally be reunited with my beautiful kindhearted gentle son and never again will we part and no longer will i then have this broken battered crushed up heart.
Hello again, linzy1980,
I have thought about you, have you finished your post with one of your poems? It is beautiful I have a lump in my throat, I had 3 attempts at reading it. You are very brave, love.
Thankyou mary how sweet for thinking of me it means a great deal yea I like to write poems it gets everything off my chest then i have a little cry and then just try to get through the day as best i can some days are so hard other days i manage but I’m still plodding on just seeing my other little boy the way he looks at me with so much love in his eyes and always asking if I’m ok godbless him i need to stay strong for him and also for Taylor even though he not here i need to keep strong for the trial I have no choice I need to be my gorgeous sons voice and i know I’ll make him proud he always hated to see me upset he somehow made everything better and now i dont have him to lean on I’m lost he was my rock and still is I still talk to him everyday and ask him to help me make it through and then immediately after I always here either a dove or pidgeon cooing and I instantly feel some kind of comfort I really believe its him talking me I’ll be ok and that helps get through the day godbless u mary and thankyou again xxx
You are very welcome, linzy.
I do believe that Taylor is watching over you and will never leave you, I once heard on the radio
“Love does not die, it becomes a light that shines from behind the eyes”.
This gives me great comfort when I think of all those who have gone before. Take care of yourself and if and when you can, will you share more of your poems, please?
x x x
Awww bless ya thanks mary and yes of course I will share more of my poems and I truly believe taylor is watching over me too sometimes when I’m really down I just sit on the edge of the bed and talk to him and sure enough most of the time I hear a cooing sound from either a ring necked dove or a pidgeon but it always gives me comfort and it always sounds like it’s coming from right outside the window also I txt a medium who my mum had a reading off and she was very good I asked her if I could ave a reading but she didn’t reply bk then this morning I was writing in my book to Taylor and I said I am going to see a medium soon please come through and show me a sign son next thing my phone beeped with a msg from the medium saying sorry for the late reply but she hadn’t been well so she is going to book me a reading soon it was as if Taylor had got her to txt me godbless him when I have my next reading I will let u know what she says xxx
Reading that poem , just broke me, the hurt and the pain of losing a child, one thing I never thought that would happen to me, but it did, sometimes I feel strong , but then it’s so hard, if I could I would stop places with him, the pain and hurt is so bad that sometimes , would be easier not to be here, that poem was beautiful, and so very true, love to you Helen x
Thankyou Helen it just sometimes help to get everything off my chest in a poem I’m so sorry for your loss I know what u mean I wish I cud swap places I’d do it instantly u never think it cud happen to you the pain is unbearable it actually makes my heart ache loads of hugs and kisses to you xxx
I just feel so shit most of the time, just can’t believe he has gone, and the thought never seeing him again just breaks my heart, it’s been 7 months and it still not getting easier, I can’t even look at Daniel pictures, I’ve tried but it just breaks me, I just my son back and nothing I can do, this world is so crawl live to you Helen x
Godbless u Helen everything you have said is so true I’m exactly the same as u I’m just existing everyday I carnr look at Taylor’s pictures either I feel terrible thinking why carnt you look at your own son but it just breaks my heart I haven’t even visited his grave since he was buried and that was almost 4 months ago but I carnt bear to imagine his beautiful body inside of it i know the pain u are going through and the hurt your heart feels it’s a pain nobody can imagine until they have been through it I don’t know your beliefs but I’ve I’ve spoke to a couple of mediums and they have gave me some comfort I would definitely recommend u gave it a try if you haven’t already done so xxx
I feel taylor gives me little signs to let me know hes ok and the mediums I’ve spoke to previously have told me things they couldn’t know my mum had a reading the other day and they told her a lot of very true things so I am going to get another reading this week and I’ll let u know how it goes xxx
It’s so hard , I just want a sign from Daniel , I do go up to see Daniel every week , it is the hardest thing I have to do , I just sit there and cry , just can’t believe it’s my son, I try so hard to talk to him while I’m up there, but I can’t it just breaks me, people think I’m coping but I’m really not, we buried Daniel a week before he’s 35 th birthday , I hate going up there, but I have to, I send Daniel a message everyday on messenger , I really don’t no how my life will ever be the same again, let me know how you get on with medium , love to you Helen x
Dear Helen,
I have two very good friends who are brothers who have enlightened me for years as to what happens in the spirit world. Both of them told us that our loved ones watch over those they love. I really do believe it, shortly after my dear husband passed away, our son consulted a medium and the things which came through were details that she could not possibly know. I do believe that it is harder for some people/spirits such as your
Daniel to come through.
My beloved brother came through to me, when I had a sitting and he was a none believer, yet, when I told him (at the sitting, that I was right) he managed to tell me that I was always right.
Take care,
Blessings,
MaryL. xxx
Godbless you helen just the way u describe your feelings I feel exactly the Same I carnt imagine living the rest of my life without me and people think I’m coping too and comment how strong I am but I’m quite the opposite I’m not strong at all I’m dying inside taylor was buried 4 days after his 19th birthday why is life so unfair I wish it was me instead I’m sure your lovely son will give u a sign just keep looking out for them as they can be easy to miss I’ve just been to the shop and I was thinking of Taylor as I do everyday and suddenly the sun came out and was shining brightly it was dark infront of me but behind me the sun was so strong it was like it was following me and I got a lovely warm feeling and just as I got to my front door a big white feather was stuck between the stones in my garden I really feel Taylor is trying his hardest to comfort me I still have the trial to go through in august and I’m petrified I have to be a witness but I know that Taylor will give me the strength I need I know he will be holding me up all the way and I know your son will be trying his hardest to comfort you through the hardest times you will ever face godbless and all my love I hope we both will find the strength for our lovely boys xxx
It’s so true mary the things they knew there was no way that they could and I know it’s harder for some spirits to connect to us some find it easier the medium told me Taylor was struggling to communicate and didn’t really know what he was doing but my nanna was teaching him and he was getting better then my mum got a reading they had no idea we were related and they told her the same thing that Taylor had been struggling to communicate but his nanna was helping him it was such a comfort to know he is with my nanna xxx
I’m so sorry for your loss, I can relate, I lost my 22 year old son 9 weeks ago. I feel desperate I don’t know how to cope, I miss him so so much. Him & his brother are my life & now he’s gone my heart is broken & a part went with him.
Awww I’m so sorry for your loss too I know what u mean my 2 boys were my life my whole life revolved around them I feel your pain it’s such a cruel world we live In the only thing keeping me going is my other little boy otherwise I feel I’d of gave up I hope u are ok sending my love and hugs to you xxxx
I have a lump in my throat, I had 3 attempts at reading it. You are very brave, love.
