Hello everyone,
I lost my mum last year and I’ve never experienced grief and pain like that before. It’s been horrible living with the void since she’s been gone. I’ve gone through so much rage and sadness, and I’m in a state of numbness and isolation now. I lost myself when I lost her and it’s been really hard.
I know everyone’s journey is different and I want to send my love out to everyone here who’s lost a loved one. We aren’t alone. I’m glad there’s a community here.
I wrote a poem from the place I am, in between fear and hope, and perhaps it will resonate. It’s okay to feel everything you feel. It’s okay not to know the next step. It’s okay that nothing makes sense right now. I hope my poem can help.
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In the in-Between
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All these yesterday’s wrapped me up in a cocoon of endless nothings.
Disintegrating.
A million pieces of me swirling away like dust in the winds…
A hollow shell with nowhere to go.
Invisible.
I could carry my tears that have flooded rivers and seas,
I feel them flow through my fingers.
I could sweep up the ashes, collect them in a pile…
Rubble and dust of everything I used to be.
I’ve come close to the edge of death,
The end of obliteration…
I remain hovering right here on the borderlines,
Looking at what was and knowing it never will be.
But what if that was the way it was always meant to go?
What if the pain was a gift?
What if I was meant to fall apart?
To begin again reborn?
Inescapable.
For all of the tomorrow’s, I will forge a new path…
Untrodden, unbroken, untouched.
For today, I will rest between who I was and who I could be.
I lay down my pieces.
I give up my sorrows…
I put my heart in the Hand of the Almighty.
I pray for faith and courage to fly into the unknown.
He is with me in my broken and He will bring me to my peace.
In this moment…
Time stands still.
And I will lay my head down,
Right here in the in-between.