Dear Trisha
I have read your post and tears have flowed. My husband, Ian, has lots of little boxes full of things he treasured. These include a stone from our daughter, a keyring made by our son at school, hand=made Father’s day cards etc. I took his collection with me when I met the vicar to arrange his funeral - I needed him to know that these were the things that my husband treasured in life. I have tried to share with our children to help them in their grief but it causes them too much pain.
I also write to Ian - through email. I have to admit that a few have been angry, angry at him for leaving me when we were about to start our retirement together and for placing so much faith in friends who are noticeable by their absence since the funeral. Others are used to tell him about our little grandson (he turned one after Ian’s death) and how well he is doing.
I so wish that I could feel Ian’s presence but there is nothing and it breaks my heart. Our wedding anniversary (and my late dad’s birthday) is early March. I need the lockdowns to ease as all I want to do is drive to one of our favourite places in order to feel close to him somehow.
Hi everyone, it is ten weeks on Monday since Geoff died from Covid. A shock as he was only 64, no underlying health conditions and even tho he was in hospital, the signs all showed he was getting better and then for no reason he took a turn for the worse and was gone. No chance to speak to him ,but hope he heard me when we were allowed to be with him in his final hours.
For me the loneliness feels worse now than at the beginning.
When I feel up to it, I have started to put photos in a special album, places and things we did together, so its easy to have them altogether when I want to look at them.
Taking a long time in-between the tears but getting there.
I’ve also started a memory box, silly things like his comb, brochures we picked up on days out, cards or notes with his writing on. He was a hoarder especially magazines, so I have put one copy of all his favourites in there.
Mainly anything I find that reminds me of his little idiosyncrasies and his annoying habits, things I don’t want to ever forget even tho they used to drive me round the twist.
I’ve also put a photo of him in each room so I can see him everywhere I go.
When I’m not sobbing and asking him to come back, I try to have a normal conversation, tell him what I’m doing and ask what he thinks.
Reading this back to myself, it appears that I’m ‘coping.’
Not really I’m just doing what feels right at a certain moment in time, can’t sleep in our bed yet, hopefully soon🤞
We just all have to do what feels right for us and we will know when that is. Xxx
Your post was beautiful Trish and it too made me cry but also gives me hope. Xxxxx
Love and hugs to you all. Xxxx
Hello
My husband passed December the 5th
From Covid like your husband
He was fit and well and he was 57
I am broken Andy birthday is feb the 4th
I have got all his things where he left them
But when lockdown over I will get a memory box
And but things in there take care xx
Do what feels right Debbie.
Covid has a lot to answer for, our partners would be here if it wasn’t for that. I think that is what upsets me the most.
My box isn’t one I bought especially, just one I had handy. Maybe I will get a special one later. Xxxx Take care xxxxxxx
I’m sorry for your lose. I lost my husband on Christmas Eve 2020, it was unexpected.
I keep a journal that I write in every day, I don’t want to forget anything I’ve, done, said or felt as I find it difficult to concentrate and remember what I’m doing, One day I will read it but for now it gets things out of my head. I also have a memory box with all kinds of bits in and a condolence book, people have been messaging and emailing me with messages of condolence and memories of Tommy my husband. I am going to print them out and stick them in the book.
I also have a book of all the people I have had to contact such as bank etc and I’ve made notes of the conversations as I can’t remember then.
I have a little dog that Tommy bought for my birthday 15 months ago, he’s a comfort and when I’m crying he comes and tries licking away my tears.
You do whatever you need to, to help you cope, there is no right or wrong way, we are all in the same storm but we are in different boats.
This site helps knowing you can add messages and no one will judge you.
Hi . I have started to use a journal and finding it really helpful , I’ve told him how I feel, what I’ve done and apologised for the things I should have done while he was alive. One of my dogs is such a comfort, he is 4 and was devoted to Garry. I adore him and I believe he is helping me handle the grief. I have to get up ,dressed and fed my dogs. Walk them everyday and I find having a routine really important. I’m not ready to go back to work as it’s only been a week but no that day will come when I have to face it.
Hello
My son trying to talk me into having a dog
Said it will be company for me
I went to work jan the 5th bad mistake for me
Did 4days just about had a breakdown
So on the sick now
Big hugs and love to you all xx
Thank u I lost my husband 2 weeks ago we had been together almost 39nyrs he was just 55 and I can’t sleep at night I’ve been awake all night again its so stressful as makes everything worse x
So sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in September he had turned 60 in April but died in a road traffic accident. Two weeks time our 39th wedding anniversary. I was awake most of last night - just cannot bear to think and do not want a life without him.
Others on this site understand what it is we are all going through so keep posting. People will listen.
Dear Helly, I feel for you and understand your pain you are going through.
You go through different stages firstly shock then disbelief and then anger. I am still in the anger stage after 10 months and still not being able to sleep.
Plus the pandemic we are in is not helping at all as this is the time you need your family and friends around you.
I am only just beginning to be able to sit and feel relaxed with the TV but still cant concentrate to be able to read.
I still have my little meltdowns and they come from nowhere.
When you are with family keep talking about him as painful this is it will help you .
Accept anything that comes your way so dont refuse invites .
Speak to your doctor if you need any help x
Thsnk you for your reply hun so sorry about your hubby to its awful isn’t it my husband had motor neuron disease its a horrific disease I cared for him for nearly two years and haven’t slept properly in 18 months as the night carers were useless so I’m lost from going from 24 hour care to nothing . I just feel heartbroken he died on the 5th he used his eye gaze machine to order me a valentines card and present so I got that and tht felt so strange you can always message me if u are awake its very lonely isn’t it at nighttime x
Thank you hun so sorry for your loss .its weird someday I seem to go along OK others I’m crying I’ve had panic anxiety again as always suffered this but for the 2 years I looked after pete I didn’t have time to think about it and now it’s gone from 24 hour caring to nothing .he had motor neuron disease so he could only move his eyes by the end couldn’t speak or swallow horrendous disease so we had to do everything for him literally .I’m.angey to hun angry tge care system hospitals let us down so much and I wished I’d of complained more at the time but everything was so intense I didn’t have the time now I want to make sure tht all the let downs we had won’t happen to anybody else . It’s hard with covid isn’t it u can’t ho anywhere see anyone it’s hard to grieve at anytime but now is even worse I lost my dad few years ago but u could get out keep busy then grrr night time is just tgd worst time x