A strange introduction

Losing a partner
1

Hi,

My dear sweet wife left me nearly 3 years ago, I handed her to her parents in the border town of Aachen, her dad bought me an ice cream, I got the night bus back to London, and her parents took her back to E. Germany the next day.

Diagnosis was April, ice cream was June, she died in August 2023 leaving me childless, but financially secure. She wanted me to find love, and I struggle to see that as a blessing, not a challenge.

I wrote about a dream I had on Good Friday morning. (Below).

Best wishes to you all, may we all take to heart the symbolism of Easter, regardless of belief.

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=

A strange dream

Came upon me, after

Waking at dawn

Before the light

Amid a concert of birdsong

That only now subsides

After falling asleep,

Fully clothed,

With lamp still lit.

——

It had a lot to do

With small boats, and

The company to sail them with.

——

A neighbour,

In a house I do not know

Was first a lesbian,

Is now a man –

I am telling him,

Or her – That

I have a lady

Coming to sail with me

And in this moment it becomes apparent

That I have a wife

A living breathing woman that I’ve known 22 years

And so

No need of other crew

And he – for he is

No longer a lesbian

Begins instantly hitting on me

Physically

And I don’t like this

At all.

——-

I go inside

A house that isn’t mine

But my wife is there

Was never gone

But I am still a widow

So I know not who she is

———

Her sister, or a friend?

No.

It is she,

My love,

Who is gone nearly three years

———-

And so

I need no other

If I can just keep this illusion

I don’t need

To go sailing

And don’t need

The affection

Of any other

———

There are other details

In the dream;

An explosion of porridge

Issued from my house,

(Which I don’t know),

And don’t remember how,

And covered the neighbour’s garden

———

I left it there for days

But was feeling guilty

Thinking how to clear it up

And it was observed -

It does not rain

———

And a boat

Which I’d thought unsinkable –

I demonstrate to a friend

That I can push it under.

——-

It was a short dream,

I guess

And Ute [my wife] present

Only at the end,

But seeming so real

So solid

And awaking –

Still she’s here,

But I -

Know not

Who she is.

2

Hello @Seivadnehpets,

I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your wife, that brings you here.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.

  • Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief

  • Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

3

Thank you for these Alex.

But I think I won’t read them. It isn’t what I came here for. In some sense my grief is very different from many other’s, but in other senses, it is the same. From time to time I crave the understanding of folk with a shared experience. I tried with the WAY groups and found their reliance on Facebook very problematic for me. It isn’t only children that can find Facebook a very negative experience. I’m appreciative that here you don’t use an algorithm, but perhaps that means folk need to do a lot of sifting. I don’t know if I would have time to read all that is posted, and I don’t know if I should expect that of anyone else. So I must go back to my community of folk who don’t understand, and accept their sometimes good intention, and will maybe one day stop expecting more.

1 Like
4

Best wishes,

Stephen