I have been on this site for a little while now, I have read a lot of the posts and have posted myself, there seems to be one subject that does not come up ( don’t worry - nothing uncomfortable, at least I hope not!)
Like many, if not most people, we talk about the loss of our partners, we talk about them that they have “gone”, that we will “never see again” we miss them because “they are not here” and there are many more phrases, I just wondered whether any spiritual aspect is felt or experienced and just not mentioned, with absolutely no disrespect I would have thought that people with the accepted Christian or “religious” convictions would have posted including their views, there are also many other views that include spirituality to a greater or lesser extent that might have been aired but I have read none, are people embarrassed? if so why or do you feel others will be embarrassed by you talking about it?
Am I poking a stick into a wasps nest? or is it genuinely because this just does not have a place in our conversations?
I am a Christian but i dont think were allowed to discuss our faith, i might be wrong. I would like to say a lot more that has helped me but not sure if im allowed. Just to say that try and find a local church, some have groups for widowed people, im sure you will get a welcome. My thoughts are with you. 
Thank you Miniaturist, I did wonder whether the faith aspect was up for discussion or not,
I appreciate your advice on finding a local church, however, I have my personal beliefs which are not of the more well known faiths, I have had a lot of comfort from my own beliefs and this is why I was questioning why faith and beliefs are not discussed at greater length, perhaps a mod. could enlighten us?
Hello @swift,
Thanks for asking this question. On talking about faith and beliefs, our terms and conditions say,
3.12 Users are welcome to share how their religion, faith or beliefs are helpful to them in a respectful and constructive manner. Users must not tell other users what to believe, attack the beliefs of others, or use the forums for proselytising.
I hope this helps to make things a little clearer.
Take care,
Seaneen
Thank you Seaneen.
Well done you for putting pen to paper! and please babble away, I am sure there are people on here who have their own beliefs but are wary about talking about them, I assume its because they may feel that people will judge, personally, I don’t think that is the case, people on here have experienced the worst that life can dish out and I think that experience makes people more prepared to accept that what ever life throws at you and how you choose to deal with it and what you believe in is not a problem! I am hoping that by starting this thread it will encourage people to give it a go.
Throughout my life I have had things that raise questions and as yet have not found the answers, many on here will recognise the unspoken communications that happen between close couples, knowing exactly what the other person is going to say or is thinking.
When I can put into words that I am comfortable with, I will try and explain my beliefs etc.
Hi Swift,
Until my wife passed 13 weeks ago I was a full blown sceptic,however since her passing I have had/seen things I have no explanation for,it could well be imagination,grief,wishful thinking even,but I am more open minded now.
Hi Swift,
I am a Christian, I strongly believe that I will see my husband again when God calls me home.
I have seen posts on here in the past and have joined in the conversations, but that was a while ago. I don’t post much these days but I do read a lot of posts.
I also get signs, yesterday I went to the zoo with my daughter and grandchildren, it was a long hot tiring day with heavy traffic and busy journey home. When I got out the car at my daughter’s there was a white feather. I know this was my husband saying he was glad we all got home safely.
I certainly believe in the power of prayer, I’ve seen it answer questions so many times in my life.
Debbie
I don’t think it’s a touchy subject all. Death raises all sorts of questions around what we belief in. Death doesn’t provide any answers either as none of us know what happens after we die so I for one am open minded, I also believe whatever our faith or beliefs are death certainly tests them. Some abandon there faith, some cling on to their faith and many people’s faith changes. My own belief is more spiritual because whatever happens I believe ‘love’ is eternal. Whatever anyone’s faith/belief is, it should ultimately bring them comfort. It’s not about fear or judgement and shouldn’t be locked away, unspoken because with respect of others we learn together and grow together
This is an area i am struggling with. By nature im a logical person, like to understand things in a very literal way, not abstract concepts. So im in conflict - my grieving heart is desperately reaching out for answers and comfort that my loved one is ok and is still with me, but my head wont accept anything on faith alone (even though in the past I have been a practising Christian). I dont know what i believe any more about the afterlife and i dont seem to be able to settle on any one approach with any conviction. Even the few signs ive had, they bring a minute of comfort and then my mind questions it. Plus at the end of the day, robins and rainbows seem like a poor substitute for a loved one! But this is an area where there are no definite answers, so how to live with that uncertainty is really challenging me right now.
Hi Ally, it really is a tough one, I thought I would ask the question on faith and beliefs to see how others felt, I also have some conflicts within my beliefs which were easier to hold before the death of my wife, I agree that we all desperately try to find something that will explain whats happened and give us comfort and hope.
My beliefs are based on old traditional pagan beliefs ( this has nothing to do with devil worship, goats, cloven hoofed half human, half animal, witches, magic etc etc, that’s all modern stuff)
The old pagans believed that the natural world and nature were to be respected and within that there are various deities, both male and female of equal standing, in fact, the female deities have the edge because fertility and child bearing are the most important aspect in the cycle of life, the belief is that our spirits or souls will return to the natural world after death, some believe in reincarnation, not necessarily in a human form.
I realised some decades ago that my love of the natural world also had a more spiritual connection, it was something I could not get away from so just accepted it but couldn’t really explain it, I am lucky to have worked and lived with nature pretty much all my working life and my wife joined me at an early age. When my son died 20 years ago, the only funeral ceremony we felt was suitable was a pagan one, which my wife and I arranged but using a celebrant, this basically is calling on the four elements to take him back and look after his spirit in the natural world, the same was done for my wife and in both I had absolute conviction that this was the right choice.
I am proud of the ceremonies both for my son and my wife, many people said they had never been to a pagan funeral and were a bit sceptical and didn’t know what to expect, but felt it was a beautiful and very fitting ceremony.
My beliefs were sorely tested with the death of my wife, like everybody here the early weeks and months have been absolutely horrific, to start with my beliefs didn’t even figure in my thoughts but I realise now, almost 5 months on this journey that without them I would not have had the comfort and that’s because our home is our spiritual refuge and yes it does include a robin or 2!
Take care everyone and trust we will all find the peace and comfort we so desperately need.
I lost my partner of 17 years 6 months ago and miss him terribly, I have no faith although was brought up in a Christian family and school. My partner had faith and strongly believed in an afterlife. I wanted his funeral to be about him so had a church service. Although it was the most difficult and painful experience of my life I found it did help me and gave me comfort. The vicar was wonderful. I often feel that my partner is with me. We were so very close and I feel that he is still part of me, when I cook I think of how he would’ve liked that meal and if there’s a discussion on TV I know his response. I’ve fallen asleep in the chair a few times and woken up convinced he is there. I know this is a common experience for people in grief - it does feel spiritual, who knows? I just see that people get great help and comfort from the church and their faith and that is a wonderful thing
Until this nightmare of my wife departing far too soon I had not realty considered this, although I am a christian the after life and the spirits never really crossed my mind. I always thought it may have a glimmer or truth but was never convinced either way.
Following the death of my wife it was the only way I could go on, in this life knowing we would meet in the future (and she would tell me off for all the things I got wrong since here departure)so for me it’s simple I will 100% meet her again and knowing that helps.
And in the tragedy that loosing a loved one results in any thing that helps can only be good.
@swift Thanks for this post, I’m interested in exploring more of what you outline, could you recommend any reading etc.
If anyone is interested and of a Christian/Spiritual faith the best book I have ever read in my life on this earth is a “conversation with god” and my favourite spiritual author is Deepak Chopra, I have every book he has ever written and have over 250 books on spirituality (my own spiritual leaning is everything is energy
For anyone newly bereaved and not of any particular faith and leans towards the science of life and death I recommend this book
Sorry I cut off the author for conversations with God it is Neale Donald Walsch it’s a trilogy and an extremely complex read so don’t buy it if you don’t want your mind stretched beyond it’s capacity
Also it’s not about God in the biblical sense
I have lost loved ones before, and without exception, each has communicated their presence in different ways after their death. Sometimes shortly afterwars, sometimes months later. I didn’t expect that John’s passing in June would be any different. We often talked about our belief systems and he was a skeptic until my mom passed. She adored him. The feeling was mutual. After she passed she most definitely made her presence known. He became a believer that our spirit/our essence is eternal and returns to the Universe. Whatever mainstream religion you adhere to, most have similar concepts regarding eternal life, or alternatively reincarnation which presumes the soul is a unique entity and eternal. Neither of us ever mentioned how it would happen, but he began to have confidence that it would.
He came to me on the 4th night after his death. Round about 3 in the morning, there was a loud thunderclap and I woke up. All I could smell, all I could taste was garlic. Hadn’t cooked with garlic, chopped any garlic, nor do I grow garlic. The smell and taste was overwhelming. First thought was that maybe I was having a brain aneurism. Then it dawned on me…yup. John. He would eat cloves of garlic, or if the garlic was diced in a jar, he’d eat it by the spoonful. Once I acknowledged his presence, the smell and taste started to dissipate. It wasn’t a dream as even my dogs were aware that something was going on. (I know, you’ll say that they awoke because of the storm…these things don’t bother them enough to wake up as a general rule and if they do, they just as quickly fall back asleep…this night they did not. They were alert and aware.)
No I’m not nuts. It just is what it is. Do I appreciate his visit? Yes. Do I miss him fiercely? Oh my. The ache of loss is a raw open wound. Miss the hugs and miss the soles of our feet touching as we fell asleep. (menopause and hot flashes means no spooning sadly)